Mexico
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
[edit] History
At least Last Thursday, the ancient Mayans moved to Mexico, which was a big fucking mistake. They were savage people living a savage lifestyle; they would slice off peoples cocks with leaf blowers and eat them just to appease the "Sun God." They created a disorganized, disgruntled group of small villages completely lacking any contact with the outside world. For México, things went downhill from there. In the 16th century the Aztecs were quickly and completely pwned by the Spanish, while the Mayans had their own land for the next 170 years (and still live there, frequently gibbering about the glory of human sacrifice). The Mayans think that this makes them cool, but really it was because the Aztecs had all the gold, while all the Mayans had was a bunch of boring het slashfic about their feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl. The term "Mexican" is actually a misnomer and a crude generalization since Mexicans can come from Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua, Bolivia and other such places where brown people practice ritual sacrifice to their voodoo gods.
In the 19th century, Texas was stolen from Mexico by white people who later handed it over to the United States, which then promptly invaded the rest of Mexico, thus conquering what would become several other states. In doing so, the U.S. accidentally took over New Mexico, which the U.S. has unsuccessfully been trying to give back for 150 years.
[edit] Geography
Mexico is under the United States, because it is the bitch.
[edit] Present
Currently Mexico is in a sad state of teh dramaz and lulz. The Presidente is giving the beaners maps, first aid kits, water, condoms and fake Lulz ID's and green cards to make it in the US.
Currently however there have been beaner attempts at trying to become moar american. Recently a jew-beaner comedian Carlos Mencia who steals all his crap from comedians and from 60 little boys he rapes in the back of his house. He tries to add teh lulz to comedy and Mexico but ends up an uber failure amirite.
Mexico still is however the only place to hide shit, like drugs, guns, whores. Currently over 90% of americans use Mexico to put or dump their shit, making mexico the dumpyourshit place of the world.
It is also said that at birth girls are raped by speedy gonzalez so he can lulz himself. This however ends up in mini speedyz all over Mexico creating a huge population of stupid dumb mexicans that are all related, dumb inbred fucks amirite?!
Teenage mexicans are whining about being sent back to MEH-HI-KO because their fucktarded ancestors jumped the border and shat out little illegal immigrants. Be warned that if asked whether you support them being sent back or not, that stating the negative will result in nachos and tacos being thrown at you.
[edit] Beaner Creation Myth
Beaners believe in the ancient Aztec myth that a Caucasian god by the name of Quetzalcoatl took a huge shit that was full of bits and pieces of corn. The shit was so big and dry that it made Quatzacoatl ripped the linings of his godly anus, causing severe bleeding. The combination of shit, corn, and blood spawned a beaner.
Unlike most myths, this one is true. 90% of beaners make babies this way - the other 10% shit in each others mouths because they find it pleasurable.
[edit] Recipe for Beaners
Takes: 2 - 3 days Items needed: corn, needles, a spoon
1) Eat nothing but corn for 2 days. 2) On the second or third day (depending on the schedule of your bowel movements), shit somewhere dry (like a sidewalk). 3) Unless your anus is already bleeding, poke it with needles. 4) Make sure the blood drips on to your dung. 5) Mix the dung and blood together with a spoon. 6) You have successfully created a Mexican. Enjoy the cheap manual labor he will provide you!
[edit] E.Z.L.N.
Irl trolls, they're Mexico's cheap-ass version of Al Qaeda. Known as Zapatistas they're what you get when you colonize a country, but don't kill it's indiands.
[edit] Mexican Rapists:
Any Mexican male is a rapist.
The only female Mexicans virgins that exist are that ones that can run faster than their brother and father.
It is also rumored that the government encourages rape for any woman wandering outside of the house and not 7 months pregnent. Some experts say this is a stragity mexico uses to replace all the ones dying of drowning and taco fucking.
The most notorious of Mexican rapists was one calling himself "John Striker", and his little buddy "THE OLSONATOR". Reports come to the conclusion that Striker is a large, fat obese male who claims to own a "shaggin' wagon" where he "collects" his "pay"; the other, a man proclaiming he recieved his powers from various DragonBallz Z anime characters. They were wanted on many accounts of taco fucking and child molestation all over the land. In January 2nd, they will be executed on American soil.
[edit] Hispanics are a Fertile People
Hispanics have a proven history of not just having lots of kids, but having them early. How early? Recently one in Brazil gave birth at nine (link to fox news). The record was in 1939, a five year, seven month old girl gave birth (link to snopes) and that means the baby was conceived when she was four. At that age, not even the smallest-penissed Japanese child molester could do the deed, so some argue it was from semen in a hot tub. This is why you always must have your pools and hot tubs chlorinated when a Mexican drops by.
[edit] People named Jesus
Of all the countries in the world, Mexico is the only one trashy and dumb enough to have whores name thier children "Jesús." These malformed shitheads should not be confused with the real Jesus, who died for your sins on the mechanical bull so that we might all be saved from virginity. You can easily distinguish them by that weird fucking thing on the ú, which some argue is the mark of the Devil.
[edit] Mexican in America
Well we cant deny it. Theres a shit load of fucking aliens in the U.S. Seriously... I mean here's how it goes... The women come here, get pregnant, and live off the goverment for the rest of there lives. The men on the other hand come here to either sell drugs or cut you grass.
[edit] Mexican in America 2
Well since theres a shit load of them here. Alot of them are trying to become more "American". So what do they do? Buy Hollister clothes, celebrate Thanksgiving, and use the word "dude" alot. If you wanna see a large example of this you should visit a shit hole town named "Laredo, Texas." Seriously it's fucking pathetic seeing all these fucking dark mexicans with bad english trying to be white by wearing Hollister and constantly using the word "dude". Stupid beaners, not even the americans look good with those shitty clothes, why do you even try?
[edit] Mexican in america 3
America's first choice music is by far, Crap. So, in order to look "badass" they listen to rap and claim to love it (even if they dont understand a fuck) Face it beaners, rap blows ass, and when you listen to it you only look gayer rather than "more americano"
[edit] Mexican Weather
As a direct result of all the lawnmowers being mass produced in factories all over Mexico, the weather is usually very hot and dry. The uncountable Taco Bell's sprung up all over the shit hole provide a cool shade that provides the darkness needed for half the population to find victims to rape in secrecy. In reality it is no secret and men and women will simply gather around the rape and watch, with the occasional rebel getting jealous and just joining in/raping another women observing. The children in Mexico learn to run fast at a young age to avoid their fathers, aka "los sodomistas", and usually flee their lair, being the basement of a Taco Bell, and run across the street to another Taco Bell. However, this is far from the end. Although, it IS, extremely dry and hot (hot as hell btw) it is also cold as fuck in the night, as a result of the lawnmovers global warming, or whatever the fuck it is, nights are cold as fuck, and days hot as hell, you could place an egg over the street, burn it and freeze it the same day. (WTF??)
[edit] Fact of the Day
Villian Khan from Star Trek was in fact a Mexican. Trek producers were trying to find a really scary racial stereotype and rejected a Viking, a Borg and a Nazi before settling on Khan as we know him today. In the episode "Viva Khaaan!!!!" Khan - real name Rodolfo Neri Vela [1] - is Mexico's first (and subsequently only) astronaut who in 1985 steals the Space Shuttle Atlantis and then tries to steal the Enterprise from gringo Captain Kirk after a three century siesta. In a historical cross-cultural TV love scene Khan is permitted to kiss a ginger, an act of miscegenation not repeated until "Desperate Housewives".
[edit] Career options
- Accidental Republican fundraiser
- Aztec high priest
- Bad comedian
- Criminal
- Day laborer
- Drug dealer
- Failure of a comedian
- Fruit vendor
- Gardener
- Lazy assistant to white high school Spanish teacher
- Low budget cartoon character
- Midget for hire
- Professional job thief
- Politician/Cheater
- Rapist
- Shooting range target
- Showgirl (may or may not have yellow feathers placed in or around her hair)
- Slave
- Welfare recipient
- Roadside flower pusher
- Worker at Taco Bell
- CEO of Australia's leading telephone company (Sol Trujillo - Mexican-American Businessman)
- Janitor
- Illegal Immigrant
- Frito Bandito
[edit] References to Mexicans in Popular Film Titles
Many critically-acclaimed films reference Mexicans in their title, such as:
- Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mexican
- Saving Private Mexican
- There's Something About Mexican
- Jerry McMexican
- 12 Angry Mexicans
- Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Mexicans
- The Usual Mexicans
- A Clockwork Mexican
- Thin Red Mexican
- It's a Wonderful Mexican
- To Kill a Mexican
- Some Like It Mexican
- Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Mexican
- Little Miss Mexican
- Back to the Mexican (followed by two sequels)
- The Mexicanator
[edit] See Also
[edit] External Links
[edit] Gallery
 A typical fat mexican trying to fit into american society |
 Mexicans steal desirable migrant farm laborer positions |
 A Mexican taking a siesta on his luxurious bed of dirt. |
 Spanish-language conversations can only be conducted via wild gesticulation |
 OH NOES!!! |
 Depression is a problem in Mexico. |
 Beaners love to fuck Bush. |
 Mexican men running from la migra |
 Mexicans will only listen to music if it performed by young retarded boys. |
 Mexican hero |
 GTFO. |
 Mexicans in their natural habitat |
 Typical Mexican cultural tradition. |
 Typical Mexican children trying to adapt to American Culture (Myspace aint no good for a quick VISA) |
 an mexican doing what it does best |
 Those spanish couldn't finish the job, now the mexican people have to pay for the consequences |
 probably the only gay mexican, as all mexican men and women reproduce to have 20 kids each |
 UPDATE: The OTHER gay Mexican was recently discovered. |
 Mexican furry. |
 Mexico is part of a series on Fox News | Allies
Ann Coulter | Matt Drudge | Sean Hannity | Joe Lieberman | Michelle Malkin | Rod Wheeler | Rachel Marsden | Bill O'Reilly Enemies of State Anonymous | Al Gore | Barack Hussein Obama | Emos | Fred Phelps | Hillary Clinton | Hugo Chavez | The Internet | John Edwards | Liberals | Macaca | Mexicans | Logic | Osama Bin Laden | Stephen Colbert | Terrorists Buy A Dog | Corruption of LOL | Exploding Van | HACKERS ON STEROIDS | INTERNET HATE MACHINE |
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