Punk
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Punk rock is an audible form of dog shit performed by gay teenagers and pedophiles.
[edit] History
Punk Rock started in the late 1990's with the help of forefathers xblink-182x, writing the first popular punk song, "Funky Cold Medina", which is still known as the most punk song ever written. However, it should be noted that the aforementioned have little to do with punk proper, and everything to do with stupid fucking white middle-class American fuckwits getting "punk'd" by fat, kiddy-fucking record executives who are far, far more intelligent and malign than the little cock wipes who are buying this shit will ever be.
With said help from MTV, punk has become a larger movement in recent years, reaching out to angst-filled white teenagers who hate their parents. Punk is also sometimes accompanied by music. Music however is secondary to the true punk, as going to shows and looking cool has now taken a front seat in the punk rock lifestyle, a lifestyle which revolves around speaking out about how you hate the corporate pigs and just want to be different and rebel, whilst in the process looking like a bigger dick and buying all your super expensive dick head clothes from the same corporations who you cry about when they fuck you up the arse.
It should be noted that punk died nearly a month and a half after it was invented. Nothing is punk anymore, so you failed. Also, keep in mind that mohawks went out of style when the white people killed the savages that invented them. No exceptions, bitches.
Oh, and some shit happened in the 70's, but that's not really important.
[edit] Bands
- Modern Era
Some shitty bubble gum, super dooper, mister pooper punk bands that suck flaming dog balls are My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy and Limp Bizkit, among others. Some of the most totally RADDEST anarchist punk bands (back from when punk was young and full of life and it wasn't a bunch of dipshits screaming and trying to look tough for their extremely gay, gay lovers who are oh-so gay.) are The Clash, The Ramones, Crass, Mindless Self Indulgence(lol wut?), The Sex Pistols, the BNP, Combat 18, Sex Shotgun, Super Sex Bazooka, and so forth. They would write songs about shitting your pants, drinking too much, and doing inappropriate amounts of drugs during the teenage pregnancy you received in your daze of idol worship. But then they all died over 100 years ago in a horrific tragedy when a grocery store crushed them and their guts popped out of their eyes like anarchists. Underground bands such as Dead Kennedys and Operation Ivy however, dont know how to play their instruments and don't deserve as much recognition as musical gods like Sum 41.
Some people might tell you that bands like Green Day, Good Charlotte, Avril Lavigne and Blink 182 aren't punk. These people are horribly mislead, because everybody knows that true punk involves being a puppet for a major record label that will use you to sell anything but music.
For some reason, punks now are almost all Communist or anarchist. Despite this, they like to copy the Sex Pistols and wear Nazi armbands to look "risqué" and are nearly all middle class. Punks are also against W, but unlike everyone else can be found making death threats toward him (or anyone else with a hint of right-wing or centrist beliefs) at regular intervals, since by buying the CDs of companies who finance Bush's government punks like to believe they really make a difference.
- Past
This whole mess started when four retards from New York who listened to too many Stooges records decided, in a pot-induced haze to attempt to make musical sounds. The spark that created punk rock can most likely be found when they discovered that they could, in fact, NOT play their instruments, yet despite this, proceeded to try relentlessly for 20 years. Such was the Ramones, who sold a few albums in the 70's before the members all died of extreme retardation. Their music is now not cool enough to listen to. However, buying one of their t-shirts from a major outlet store will give you instant street cred! Enjoy!
Across the pond, The Sex Pistols were meant to be a chart-topping teen-heartthrob boy band with Vivienne Westwood's apparel product placement on their videos. Unfortunately, no matter how hard they tried they were completely unable to perform synchronized dances and sing R&B ballads about girls cars and dances in key, so their manager Malcolm McLaren threw musical instruments at them in frustration and told them to just sneer at the audience and collect their one-off pay after their first gig. Teens in the '70s, however, being even more stupid than today's emo kids and wannabe-thugs, lapped up this new music sensation and thus the English punk scene began.
Some argue that punk is the greatest troll in music history ever, as it has inspired outrage among the humorless, created a subculture whose members (even the elite ones) are pretty much laughed at IRL, caused 16 year old girls and 13 year old boys to rebel against The Man by spending over $900 on pieces of shit from Hot Topic a.k.a The Man (see Irony) and made it really hard to take rock and roll seriously.
[edit] Things Punks Do
- Kill pigs
- Get blood on their faces then cum
- Wear dyed Mohawks
- Be punk
[edit] How to be Punk
Being punk in our modern era constitutes a great number of actions. These actions include, in random order:
- Proclaiming the immaculate glory of fucktard bands such as the Misfits (from that cartoon, Jem!) and Rancid, despite having an i-pod filled with gay ass bands such as Blink 182, Boxcar Racer (the bastard stepchild of Blink 182's Tom Delonge) and Good Charlotte and Angels and Airwaves [which is blink 182 undercover]
- Masturbating to Iggy Pop with furries.
- Dying your hair and preening in front of the mirror for hours so that it looks perfect, while loudly proclaiming to everyone that you don't care what other people think of you.
- Demand rights from a government you seek to destroy.
- Wear concert tees of concerts you never went to.
- Go around making anti-Avril Lavigne websites and drawings on the basis that "OMG SHES SUCH A POSER!!1111" and then proclaim your love for My Chemical Romance.
- Find another punk a year younger than you and berate them endlessly for 'jumping on the bandwagon'.
- And from a true punk: "punks just wear ties. it doesn't matter what gender you are"
- Oh screw it. Just follow the crowds and do everything the other punks do.
- Dress like your normal friends most of the time but put on special clothes to proclaim how punk you are at gigs and shortening your name to just the first letter, eg. Jordan becomes J
[edit] Life cycle of a punk
- Poser: This punker may have just found Blink 182 on MTV, or may have just learned about his first less famous punk band from the internets. A punk in this stage will reveal himself by speaking constantly of the same three punk groups, Hot Topic, and what color his hair is this week.
- Punk Rocker: After so long floundering as a poser, the punk begins to understand. Teh government is evil. Anarchy is the way of the future. Down with government! These punkers know of at least five local punk outfits and dozens of hardcore big-name acts.
- Intelligent Punk: Overexposure to an anarchist point of view compels a long-term punk rocker with the notion that anarchy is best executed through communism. Reasonably speaking, every nation on earth needs the largest possible government to enforce the banishment of all government. Intelligent Punks preach Marxism and fiery indignation toward whoever Michael Moore filmed his last documentary about. Many ebay their leather jackets and turn vegan at this stage. Their selection of music more closely resemebles the college radio charts found in Rolling Stone magazine.
- Yuppie: After failing to abort at least one child, many punkers put the college education that daddy paid for to good use. They find work for a big company that lets them listen to anti-corporate punk rock on their iPods. Their lifetime of political ideology can be summed up in the single pro-Democrat or anti-W bumper sticker which their homeowner's assocation allows on each minivan or SUV. These punkers speak fondly of the Ramones in an attempt to remain non-offensive, and follow their children to Simple Plan concerts on the weekends.
[edit] External Links
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Punk is part of a series on Music. |
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