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RapMusic.com

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SPOILER: RapeMusic.com may give you AIDS
SPOILER: RapeMusic.com may give you AIDS

RapeMusic.com is an online mantrain, assembled by the worst fucking rappers in history, period. Imagine thousands of people, all with identical outlooks, all inspired by the same 4-5 underground rappers, all trying to achieve the same exact thing. Now give them Radio Shack mics, CoolEdit Pro, and an internet connection. (Speakers are optional since it is obvious no one on this site has ever heard themselves rap.) Make 10% of them non-crackers with inferiority complexes and the other 98% of them Middle Class white boiz with minority complexes. This combination physically repulses women within 25 hops of any server that goes near the same ISP that RM.com uses like the Catholic church attracts pedophiles, or like Academia cultivates coffee-shop revolutionaries, both of which exist in abundance on RapeMusic.com.

This is what happens when a girl goes to RapeMusic.com. She get's raped. (Marxist doesn't count since he is a body-builder)

RapeMusic.com has recently purchased UGHH.com to offer it's users a realistic urban rape experience.

The key to success
The key to success
RM.com hording all that delicious mantraffic
RM.com hording all that delicious mantraffic

Contents

[edit] WHO THE FUCK IS IN CHARGE OF THIS CACOPHONY?!

In 1999, a young man with an dream knew that he could not sell crack forever. So he took it from the crack game to the e-rap game. His name is Jeff. (Known as Janitor, which is a misnomer because you cannot clean up the shit these people consider music) He is a professional herder of lolcow and he milks them for equal amounts of lulz and money. Apparently, people think that advertising their product to a bunch of people with horrible credit or no credit cards is good for their online business. (The market will teach them!)

[edit] Classes

Text Battling is serious business
Text Battling is serious business

When you make an account, you have the option to pick what class you wish to post as.

[edit] Textcee

You are the fucking scum of the galaxy. Too timid to admit you like rap because you're surrounded by rednecks or overbearing white parents, so you secretly get your negro fix by going on RapMusic.com and posting rap lyrics on the forum. (Called writtens) At the very highest level, you'll learn skills such as "Metronome" and "Syncopation", but until then, your 'art' might as well be taken directly out of an emo kid's journal and separated into sentences at random locations (that are further terminated with a / because you cut your wrists) like this:

I roll with an octopus... shopping with lots of us/
Wondering why the galactic inter-dimensional cock is mocking us cuz a/
Rolling Rock is a must. Hush, the sound of a million dead souls/
Is on top of us

The formula for a written is: ((Haiku^2)*2) + Virginity

[edit] Rapper

You defeat your enemies by using really poorly delivered music with no charisma to bore them to death. Your primary weapon is using spambots and advertising to generate page views for yourself. When you reach a certain amount of page views, you can access your "Big Nigga Dick" powers to crush your opponents with special powers, such as really stupid music videos on YouTube or poorly-designed photoshop cover art.

[edit] Producer

Never mind the fact that a real producer is a person who inspires artists in a studio to get the best performance. You embraced this term as if you were the second coming of George Martin himself. (Nigga who?) You can't be bothered with simple ideas like time signatures or actual notation. Instead, you start off with the combined powers "Find Hot Loop", "Loop The Shit Out Of It" and "Proficiency: Fruity Loops". At higher levels, you'll start dabbling with actual music skills, such as "Use Chord" and "Notes", but for the most part, you will never tire from trying to emulate whatever is popular on the radio because you will be too scared to actually cut your own path. At one time, you could actually sell your music to people on RM.com. But the market has taught them!!! Broke-ass teenagers can't afford $10 beats. Broke-ass teenagers can't even afford free beats. Today, you must pay Jeff for advertising space so that bottom-of-the-barrel Rappers can use your music and not give you credit.

Official RapMusic Gangsign. The resemblance to Goatse is uncanny...
Official RapMusic Gangsign. The resemblance to Goatse is uncanny...

[edit] E-Thug

You use your frightening lexicon to terrify and intimidate all around you. You rely less on wit, and more on making threats of physical violence to those who irritate you. While most people accumulate page views, or post counts, the E-Thug wishes to accumulate enough money to use his only valid power: Plane Ticket. This allows you to physically go to the actual location of a player to follow up on your internet rage. (See JNyce)

[edit] Alias

For fear of ruining your rapidly exploding rap career, you've decided to hide yourself behind an anonymizer, a proxy, a false e-mail address, and a false name. You derive your powers from instigating bullshit. As your post count goes up, your mastery of drama creation becomes more precise.When you reach a high enough post count, you learn Dominate Thread and you can command topics to go in any direction you wish. However, as powerful as this character is, he is very vulnerable to even low-level Ignore Poster powers. An Alias is very similar to Revolutionary in play style, but Aliases operate alone, giving them a more aggressive offense right off the bat. One of the most well-geared Aliases to date is a character from Loveland, Ohio named Calvin Williamson, whose real name we aren't supposed to know. To date, he is known to have created over 100 Aliases. Other notable aliases include Faviano and Sampdevilla. CAUTION: This class receives no pity if the real owner behind it is exposed. You will have your cell phone number, your real name, your address, your IP, your ISP, and whatever else people can get posted everywhere for everyone to see. If you fail at maintaining your Alias, you will most likely be run off the board entirely. (Here's an example of an alias getting exposed)

[edit] Revolutionary

You bought all that crap about the power to the people and unification and revolution before you were 12, hook, line, and sinker... and you haven't shut the fuck up about it since. Low-level Revolutionaries are not very offensive, since they require other people to be in their revolution, making them, at first, a very defensive class. Your innate powers include 'Long-Winded Rebuttal' and 'The Ability To Take Anything Personally'. Overtime, your strong personality will inspire others around you to your cause. This will give you access to Leadership talents, such as 'Stacking The Vote', useful in thread polls or battling cats, yo.

[edit] Influential Personalities

If you put a million monkeys in a room with a million typewriters, they will have eventually created the entire works of Shakespeare. This site proves that theory wrong. Out of the thousands of people that actively swap cocksauce with one another, only a handful of people are actually making considerable impact in the music industry. Such an action requires guts and balls, so most people settle for being an Influential Personality. Their sheer presence is associated with many lulz, for each name as a complex and very homoerotic history attached to it.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: You've all been *Neesch*ed. POP POP

Is J-Nyce really who he says he is!?
Is J-Nyce really who he says he is!?
Nimrod on top, D. Omen on bottom, just like IRL cybering
Nimrod on top, D. Omen on bottom, just like IRL cybering
50,000 Niggawatts of Xcursion
50,000 Niggawatts of Xcursion
Ethix searches for Sarah Conner
Ethix searches for Sarah Conner
  • Nimrod AKA:
    • Butterbars
    • The Jersey Closet Devil
    • The Mike Tyson Stalker
    • D. Omen's Baby Daddy
    • Pimprod, Thugrod, Coolrod, *rod
  • J-Nyce AKA:
    • The Bay's Biggest Threat
    • C-Unit General
    • God MC
    • Foot Face
  • D. Omen AKA:
    • Fucking Owned
    • The Only Nigga That Had Jena 6 Happened To, No One Would Have Given A Shit
    • Child Molester
    • Lamest Nigga Alive
    • Finding D. Omen Is Like Finding Nemo
  • Wird of Pley AKA:
    • The Boss of Bosserism
    • Mrs. Cire
    • Online Con Artist
  • ThaMessiah AKA:
    • Photoshop King
    • Dat Nigga With Sideburns
    • Convicted Of Murder In December 2007
  • Favian AKA:
    • Uncle Tom
    • Die Hard Liberal With Conservative Views
    • Fudge Packer
    • Fruity All In Ya Booty
  • Mesk AKA:
    • Sir-Mesk-A-Lot
    • Goodfella
    • The Business
    • Pour Me Another One
    • Took Nimrods Parents Out For Dinner
  • Tragic AKA:
    • Big Trag
    • Dougie D
    • WoW
  • Dely AKA:
    • Delyreeuz
    • Patron of RapidShare
    • Soulja Boy's Arch Nemesis
  • Wargasms Aka:
    • D. Omen's Worst Nightmare
    • D. Omen's Personal Boggy Monster
    • D. Omen's Torment
  • AgentSpits AKA:
    • Smallest Cock In Porn
    • Rapmusic.coms First Rapper To Enter Porn-Industry
  • DZK AKA:
    • Andy
    • Poor Man's Eminem
    • Soundclick's Elvis
  • Noodles AKA:
    • Mace Face
    • Castrati
    • Wimp
  • Enef
    • Anorexic Tough Guy
    • Irish Thug
    • Jnyce's Nemesis
  • SolEternity
    • The only guy in RM.com history who has elevated above the drama and produces music full-time...
    • ...until he gets really successful and we start selling photoshopped shit to tabloids for a grand a pop.
  • Ghet for Prez
    • Internet Hax0r because he knows Computer Science III
    • Has strangled over 17,000 negroes with his bare hands
    • Failed Producer/Wannabe studio engineer
    • The most racist person in the entire Hip-Hop industry
    • BlackSoultan's best only friend
  • Azeus AKA:
    • Yahunyahti, AzeussuezA, Anidawehi, Azeus_suezA, The Architect, Azeus_Rex, etc.
    • The Omnipotent Overlord
    • Eric Clapton's Muse
    • 4.65.214.171

[edit] Cliques

Sometimes, these fucking morons get together and form a group with the collective IQ of Pi. Some of these groups have a prolific influence on the board.

  • C-Unit
  • Anthrax Alliance
  • Peter North's Boy Scouts
  • Tha Foundation

[edit] Legendary Events

This part of the article is pending, but be forewarned: Three Epic Battles took place on RM.com that forever changed the shape of the Internet. The historians are being consulted now and logs are being cross-checked. The lulz will come, all we ask is for your patience.

[edit] DoMen Vs. The World

Please see DoMen Vs. The World for more details on this epic lulzfest.

[edit] Nimrod Vs. The Camera

  • Combatants: Nimrod, a toothbrush, a tree
  • Weapons: Photoshop, bad lighting, sticks, trees, Xerxes's personal army of one million sticks of butter, gravity
  • Outcome: Nimrod is immortalized on RM.com.

Nimrod enjoys the honor of being the first Rastafarian Homosexual Black Panther in history. However, a neighborhood tree challenged him for the title, and Nimrod had to lay down the law. The following is a classic RM.com meme from 2005 that is still relevant today. (source)

[edit] Wird of Pley Vs. Mexico

  • Combatants: Wird of Pley, hundreds of pounts of Latina
  • Weapons: PhotoShop, chinlessness, McDonalds
  • Outcome: Wird of Pley is the first victim of being mass shopped on RM.com.

Since this faggot will not bring up his photos upon request, only his first rap music video can be found.

[edit] The Diddles Chronicles

Diddles is a classic RM.com meme about the tale of a chunky, talentless, emo, fat bastard named Diddles who worked so very hard to fit into the community and failed with every breath he took.

[edit] Motherfucking Ethix

Ethix is the Canadian Ambassador of Negro Culture. He is the hardest nigga on the Internet ever. Every camera in the world owes Ethix money. However, the tubes were too strong for the streets, and Ethix was defeated in pitched battle sometime in 2005.

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[edit] RapeMusic Meeting

A few of these retards met up. Nimrod is on camwhore duty. Scribes just lays into D. Omen right off the bat. Envy is there. Big someone is there. Some other negros lurk about. They also fail at attracting a crack whore for some good ol' fashioned gangrape.

[edit] Current Events

Just the facts, ma'am.

[edit] Odd Man Out and his Mother

  • Combatants: Odd Man Out, Affliction, Skyrbe
  • Weapons: Unholy amounts of ugly
  • Predictions: Odd Man Out gets a sex and a race change to hide his identity.

Read the article on Odd Man Out for more details on this atrocity.

[edit] Places of Interest

[edit] LipStick Alley

Take everything you know about /b/ and perform a lobotomy on everyone there. Then saw off their genitals with butterknife. Now violently turn them into Micheal Richards, who was suddenly cast for the lead role in a movie about Richard Pryor's autobiography. That's LipStick Alley. (LIPSTICK ON MY BOXERS FAG, AMIRITE!?) No matter what happens in terms of meme rapidshit, LipStick Alley is at least 3-4 months behind. A notable personality of this forum is Azeus.

[edit] Audio Emcees Hook-Ups

This is where the Textcee eventually ends up when he wishes to man the fuck up and actually take his talent to the streets. And by streets, I mean the eternal sausagefest of useless nigras/wigras constantly dissing each other with audio recordings (RM.com equivalent of a drive-by) or trading porn accounts. (RM.com equivalent of slanging rock)

[edit] Gay Rapper Bananza

The GRB is RM.com's end-game content. This is where high-level Rapper classes go to earn phat lewts, imitate the battle styles of Eminem and Canibus (see: Sever), and then judge each other on who did the best imitation. High-level Revolutionaries come to play here as well, since they can 'Stack the Vote' in favor of one Rapper over another.

[edit] Hall Of Shame

In a very, very primitive attempt to log the drama that goes on at RM.com, Jeff created the Hall of Shame. Lolcows, ITGs, and Trolls of all kinds do everything in their power to be honored here, but since the DoMen War of 2006-2007, this forum has become the Official Myspace Artist Page of D. Omen.

[edit] IntroSpectrum

After the Matrix came out, this forum blew the fuck up and became the staging grounds for the most far-fetched conspiracies imaginable. Today, it serves as the starting zone for anyone who picked the Revolutionary class. If you wish to argue about the impact on Race and History, or Race and Warfare, or Race and Rice Krispy Treats, or Race and Toilet Paper Manufacturing, or Race and *, then this place is for you. SPOILER: You will find many Leftist White Apologists from Academia (including an assistant professor!) naturally flocking here to relive their glorious days about the great proletarian revolution of the 90s that never happened.

[edit] External Links



RapMusic.com is part of a series on Music.

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