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The Colbert Report

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Some argue that The Colbert Report is a half-hour of the most lulzworthy, blatant satire on TV. As an offshoot to The Daily Show, it's more of the same, but way better awesome, amazing, truthy and lulzy.

Unlike the The Daily Show however-which is hosted by a bona fide fag jackass jew-the show is hosted by Stephen Colbert, a /b/tard in NORPs' clothing, who is basically one step below God.

It also differs from The Daily Show in that it doesn't so much lampoon news and current events, presenting its predictable lulz as actual, relevant serious fucking business (albeit 'with a twist') for mature, sophisticated Liberals, as does Jon Stewart; rather, The Colbert Report takes the news, molests it, disfigures it, mocks it and fucks the shit out of it before sending it to /b/ for additional flavor.

He also frequently makes fun of politicians (and the Congressional Districts they represent) when they agree to appear on the show. His most Epic Win evar came when he persuaded Florida Congressman Robert Wexler (D) to endorse cocaine and hookers on camera [1] since he was running unopposed for re-election.

Colbert regularly campaigns against such horrible things as bears, which he regards as godless killing machines, and liberals, who he regards as the cancer that is killing America.

1 Colbert and TOW
2 The Stephen Colbert Hid
3 Call 1-888-OOPS-JEW:Colbert & Jews
4 Stephen Colbert '08
5 Holy Shit! He PWNED Al Gore's Ass!
6 ED Approved
7 See Also
8 Important Links
9 News
10 See also

[edit] Colbert and TOW

Stephen Colbert.../b/ incarnate?

Colbert had always been held in high regard by many ED and 4chan users, often referencing content found on said sites. However, on his August 1, 2006 show Mr. Colbert went above and beyond the call of ED duty when he urged viewers to vandalize TOW and did so on air. The Wikipedos shit their pants as at least 1,000,000 people added the brilliant joke that the "The number of elephants in recent years has tripled" to every single Wikipedia article ever and crashed all of their servers. They ended up banning him out of spite... which is pretty fucking awesome.

[edit] The Stephen Colbert Hid

He also successfully engineered and led a Colbert Nation [2] campaign to have a new bridge in Budapest named after him by flooding an official Hungarian government website [3] with bot generated votes for The Stephen Colbert Hid (bridge).

Although he handily won the naming rights in two rounds of voting (final results can be seen here [4]), the Hungarian government sent their Ambassador to the United States (ya rly) to The Colbert Report where they proceeded to weasel out of the deal by pointing out that the fine-print necessitated that he not only had to be fluent in Hungarian but he also needed be dead [5].

Upon hearing the news, outraged Hungarian Colbert Nationalists stormed the Hungarian Parliment, demanding that Prime Minister Ferenc Gyurcsany resign after it was revealed he lied to the country about Mr. Colbert in order to win re-election last April. [6]

As of this writing, the stalemate over the naming rights and the resulting riots has all the hallmarks of a serious International Incident. Accordingly, United Nations Supreme Leader Hugo Chavez, [7] has ordered a peacekeeping force to the areas to kill the Jews.

[edit] Call 1-888-OOPS-JEW:Colbert & Jews

Colbert mans the Atone Phone.

After it was recently revealed to him by a scientist that since he's of European stock, he has a 75% chance of being an Ashkenazi (German) Jew, Colbert re-installed his special phone line to allow his Jewish 'friends' to call him to apologize during their ongoing Days of Atonement holiday.

As of yet, no Jew has apologized for pwning Jesus but the search continues.

Colbert has also created some butthurt from audience Juden with a shooped image of a fake airline called Air Aryan ("the airline with the most overhead arm room sponsored David Duke") and a Holocaust denial comment directed at Jews whilst roleplaying Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad:

“	Ya’ll didn’t get killed by them Nazis!	„
—~~Stephen Colbert~~Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

[edit] Stephen Colbert '08

Colbert 08 Announced

Last Thursday, Stephen Colbert announced on The Daily Show to John Stewert that he is running for president of the USA.

“	Because tonight, I Stephen Colbert am officially announcing that I have decided to officially consider whether or not I will announce that I am running for President of the United States..and I will be making an announcement of that decision very soon...preferably on a more prestigious show	„
—Stephen Colbert

Later on on the Colbert Report, a much more prestigious show, Stephen announced that:

“	After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call...Nation I SHALL SEEK THE OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES	„
—Stephen Colbert

He has entered the primaries in South Carolina as part of the "Favorite Son". This is offically making a huge LULZ out of the President's office.

A possible combination of bumper stickers might be:

Colbert/Huckabee
Colbert/Putin
Colbert/Colbert

It is also suggested that people write him in for President in '08. As many as possible.

The official announcement

Colbert's original intention was to run in both the Republican and Democratic primaries. Due to "the man's" fascist federal election laws, Colbert was required to limit his campaign spending to $5000 to avoid getting a free one way ticket to meet Bubba. The Republicans wanted $35000 from him to file his intent to run. The Democrats wanted $2500. Needless to say, Colbert's ambition to lose twice was quickly killed, and he submitted to the Democrats.

Last Thursday, the South Carolina Democratic Party's Executive Committee voted 13-3 in favor of keeping Colbert off the ballot, stating that he is not a "nationally viable" candidate as he is only running in one state. The truthiness of the situation: they're just shitscared that over 9000 people would vote for him and make them all look fucking retarded.

Speculation is that next week Colbert's giant sand-dragging brass balls will announce their intention to be running mates on an an independant ticket. They're currently polling higher than Dennis Kucinich and that douche from Law & Order that isn't Sam Waterston.

[edit] Holy Shit! He PWNED Al Gore's Ass!

December 20 2007: Colbert kicks the shit out of that guy who wrote Harry Potter, and the other guy who created the interwebs by being picked as AP's Celebrity of the year 2007!

As discussed, Colbert's sand dragging balls did not even do an interview. Instead he sends this out via an undisclosed tittie bar's free internets service:

“	In receiving this award, I am pleased that I was chosen over two great spinners of fantasy — J.K. Rowling and Al Gore. It is truly an honor to be named the Associated Press' Celebrity of the Year. Best of all, this makes me the official front-runner for next year's Drug-Fueled Downward Spiral of the year. P.S. Look for my baby bump this spring!	„
—Stephen Colbert. Nuts hanging Low and swinging'.