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From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Just call him Dave

[edit] Rise to power

Tony Blair

With a vacuum of power now at the top of the Tory Party, ambitious Dave was able to mount a challenge for leadership. He was originally mocked for going for the leadership with critics pointing to the lack of any political opinions of his own and having a weak, pale and flabby face, the kind you just want to punch. As the weeks passed though and potential leaders were voted out of the Big Brother house by the public, Dave was still hanging on. Dave managed to reach Week 11 and in the final defeated Zombie Enoch Powell and Geordie 70s dancer Anthony to emerge victorious. He was then, in a grand ceremony, installed with all the customary magic powers of the Tory leader by being anointed in the blood of Margaret Thatcher by Lord Voldemort.

[edit] Dave is cool

Dave recognises that because the British public are so inbred, mentally deficient and ignorant it doesn’t matter what policies he has and as such, he has none. What matters is that he is perceived as being cool. This theory is supported by Coolometer readings of 9000 MicroFonzies for Tony Blair in the run-up to the 1997 General Election, which he won in a landslide, compared to the reading of 6.4 MicroFonzies for John Major. Dave was said to have been emitting readings of around 7500 MicroFonzies as of Septmeber 2006 showing his increasing popularity.

One of the things David Cameron has done to become cool is shorten his name from David to Dave. This is because it takes too long to say David and if he were to waste valuable time saying this instead of the abbreviated Dave he would become uncool and die.

The environment - it’ll fuck you up

Also, because English people are stupid enough to believe that recycling will save the environment Dave used to ride a bicycle before it was stolen by a nigga. He has also promised upon being elected to give trees rights just below those of men and above those of women. This all began when Dave once picked up a copy of The Observer newspaper and found out that rich, bleeding-heart liberals care about the environment. This is strange because these people have never even left London and seen grass but furthermore, why people would want to save the environment, which mercilessly kills hundreds of thousands a year, is a mystery. Many wonder why Dave has stuck to his commitment to saving the environment considering this stance has alienated the ex-Atlantis communities living in England who are still pissed at that bitch Mother Nature and are now abstaining at the next election by voting Lib Dem. Some believe this is because Dave is a furry and is safeguarding the environment so all those shit animals Napoleon Dynamite drew in that crappy movie can evolve into being so Dave can study and create a realistic liger fursuit.

Dave's latest attempt at reaching the intellectual midgets that are internet users, can be seen in his highly entertaining sitcom "Webcameron". In the first episode of Webcameron he washed the dishes and talked to an imaginary child, in the second episode he again washed the dishes and then kissed a child (the child was later destroyed for copyright purposes). Webcameron is technically a pun, so its evidence (as if you needed anymore) that Dave is a fucking cool guy, capische.

[edit] Next Prime Minister??!!1

Many people believe that Dave will be the next PM. This is mainly attributed to Tony Blair having his Myspace account deleted for trolling anti-George Bush groups and because Tony’s sidekick Gordon Brown, who will fight Dave at the next election (heavily rumoured to be in a Ladder match), is Scottish and a coward. At the 2006 Reading Festival Dave called out Gordon to a fight under Marquess of Queensbury Rules calling him, “an analogue politician in a digital world” and a “weak pussy”. Gordon didn’t show however leading Dave to further mock him on stage before giving an impromptu performance of “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper”. This was ironic though as The Reaper is what Dave fears most of all, after Xenu of course.

Despite some Tory traditionalists unhappy with Dave’s leadership many support him with Norman Tebbit even going as far to liken to him to Pol Pot.

[edit] Controversy

David Cameron

• Dave is strongly suspected to have coked up back in his university days after dodging questions about it on television. As a rich, white, old Etonian though this shouldn’t have taken people by surprise. However, seeing as Dave was proposing a crackdown on cocaine users this angered some people. The few intelligent people in England were angered however at the general public being surprised that Dave is a cokehead or a hypocrite. Cocaine is cool anyway though, so back teh fuck off dude.
• Many political commentators have compared David to Tony Blair over his lack of political opinions and need to be perceived as cool. Some have gone so far as to call Dave a Blair clone. Well fucking done Sherlocks.
• After it was leaked to the News of the World newspaper that Dave once bought a copy of Hulk Hogan’s rap album Macho Man Randy Savage has targeted Dave for death in his vendetta against the Hulkster. Oh YEAH!