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Communism

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This page contains spoilers — Important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT fidel castro is dead!!!1

In Soviet Russia, meme posts you

Communists fail at life.

A typical wikipedia editor

A typical Communist party

Meet communism bear, proof that the carebears are indeed communist!

Suffering under the unsufferable yoke of communism

Modern day communist. Note the lack of consumer goods but abundance of industrial products and the general practicality of dress, emphasizing form over function.

Invented by a cabal of liberals last thursday, Communism is the final form of Liberalism and is an example of why America is # 2 and why the rest of the world sucks. Under Communism, there is no need for money, because all goods needed to support life are free. The problem with this is that everybody loves money. When cavemen found the first ten dollar bill, they fought to the death over who would get to keep it, despite the lack of a place to spend it (This well known fact has been used by Jewish Theologians to assert that Judaism was indeed the world's first Religion.).

The Cubans claim to be communist, but never read the instruction manual, so they have no clue that they're doing it wrong. So, they (at least the lighter-skinned ones) ride doors, cars, each other, or dolphins across the Gulf of Mexico into Miami, just to get sent back to the dictatorship, so they feel pretty stupid doing so. Well, all of them except for Black Cubans Elian Gonzalez and Fidel Castro, because they love MSNBC a lot. Communism spawned places like Evildoer Korea and Vietnam.

Although the USSR collapsed, China is changing to capitalism, and Castro in Cuba is dying (likely because of AIDS), Communism still exists on the world and is still a point of intellectual debate. Most notably, Wikipedia is communism!!!

1 Theory
2 How To Tell Who is a Communist
3 Famous Last Words
4 History and Leadership
5 Sexual Practice
6 The Typical Communist
7 Benefits
8 External Links
9 See Also

[edit] Theory

Theoretical Communism is an extension of Western Christianity that suggests in an unregulated economic system of nearly-infinite goods production, everyone will play fair and nevar ask for moar evah. Karl Marx was so furious that his rich Jew parents did not leave their colonial estate in their will to him (which was tended by mud races for him to deliciously mouthrape), he used Communism to troll lower-class factory workers into spamming the middle/upper class for moar money. Commies got IRL banhammered all over Europe and many lulz ensued. When Germany helped arm the Bolshevik Revolution in WW1 to remove the Czarist Russian Military threat from their Eastern Front so they relocate those soldiers to curbstomp France, the Commies felt so validated that they haven't shut the fuck up since.

[edit] How To Tell Who is a Communist

Normally communists will be easy to point out seeing as how fucktarded they are but here is a picture to help.

[edit] Famous Last Words

Practical communism is defined as the economic system, re-interpreted by Joseph Stalin, in which the government owns everything and the government is owned by people who make your life hell. This makes it possible for the government to ban the game Monopoly. Anyone found with said board game will be sent to the gulags for 're-education'. The last words Stalin said before he died were inevitably: 'I did it for the lulz'.

[edit] History and Leadership

Everyone's favorite commie dictator and his infamous standup routine!

Few realize that the current president of communism is John Lenin, winning 18 consecutive unanimous elections. Though Marks holds the copyright on communism, many credit Lenin with its distribution and popularity. In 1924, Lenin downloaded a hacked version of communism off Kazaa and copied it to some floppy disks (Blu-ray hadn't been invented yet) with some other shnazy programs like Bonzai Budddy and Mac OS. When he offered the disks on ebay for 5 cents a pop, it became an instant hit, spreading across nations like China and Soviet Union which thought they were simply buying a picture of Fonzie from Happy Days straddling the crack smoker from the Dell commercials. When Marks found a copy of the disk he summoned the RIAA and sued Lenin for copyright infringement, more commonly known as sharing. After some convincing testamony, Marks agreed to settle for $231 and an apologetic kiss on the cheek. Though many rumors have been spread hinting that Lenin might have died, they are highly unverified and have come from questionable sources.

[edit] Sexual Practice

Despite their misguided economic agenda and obviously misguided political agenda, commies are really good lays.

Sex with Engels was much like being incased in the fat of a walrus

hepkitten, a well known supporter of groups with communist agendas, dresses up in eroticized latex versions of communist uniforms. This is srsly A++ hot and more people should do it. jesuitx also believes in the tenets of Communism, as he was too young when the Soviet Union fell to realize how shitty it was.

[edit] The Typical Communist

Communism food system - largely involves butter, for building up blubber for those harsh, Russian winters.

The administrator for America's Communist Party

The typical communist is a 13 year old boy who has never paid a cent of tax in his life, other than with his parents' money. He doesn't trust the government, and naturally wants the government to be in charge of every facet of society. Wears a Che Guevara T-Shirt and a USSR pin, both purchased from Hot Topic for 75 dollars. Thinks the entire human populace can effectively share all their resources to end poverty.

Most of these can be found on Wikipedia and DeviantART. When anything is criticised about communism a typical 13 year old boy reply will be "well lyk it ttly hasnt been done right yet!!11", usually hypocritical with previous evidence of said boy sucking Stalin, Castro and Mao's cocks in screensavers or banners. They will usually hate Nazis and purelily with a passion but do not seem to mind the fact Communism pwned at least 100 people. 97% of the Gaian populace is made of Commies. The other 3% consists of Socialist, though, similar to Wikipedia or DeviantART or any other site in the Interwebs, no body has the slightest fuck of what it is.

Non-juvenile Communists--namely those making up the Communist voting base and party officials--are mostly crusty, old ex-hippies who, unlike their counterparts who are now CEOs of companies, flunked out of college and are now working EXACTLY 40 hours a week (Marx help you if they should work a second of overtime) at the box factory or some other lame manufacturing sector job. This is ~~usually~~ to get more time off work to campaign, write gay zines, and be the token creepy old people at punk rock shows.