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Bill O'Reilly

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“	There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, "M-Fer, I want more iced tea."	„
—B'Orly

STUD ALERT!

A keen intellect

Bill O'Reilly is a member of the old media and a conservative shill. Whilst (like CNN's Glenn Beck) he is not, strictly speaking, a "journalist", he is considered a "pundit" and therefore knows what he's talking about. Despite claims of independant political viewpoint, Bill is a typical conservative butt-puppet. He is known to have constructed an elaborate George W. Bush altar in his bedroom, complete with American flag panties, photos of George in an organ-grinder monkey outfit, and penis-scented candles. Video clips of Bill kneeling naked at his Republican altar can easily be found on YouTube. The clips show Bill fapping loudly, singing "and I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free!" and sliding up and down on a greased 16" red, white, and blue realistic veined dong named "Unkle Sam" and complete with big, bulging balls and a suction-cup base.

1 O RLY?
- 1.1 Books
2 Sexual Harassment
3 PWN3D By An 8yo
4 Trivia
5 See Also
6 LINKS

[edit] O RLY?

Bill O'Reilly just won't shut up about politics. He spends his career talking about boring shit such as elections, 9/11 and that hurricane that happened in that state full of brown people with fuzzy hair. His show The O'Reilly Factor is basically him going on about this crap over and over again, sometimes threatening to get off his wrinkled ass and beat you up if you vote for someone he doesn't like. His show is watched by the kind of people who'll chase you out of their house with a shotgun if you say 'damn' in their presence.

He is also known for telling people to shut up and sexually harrasing some whore, who tried to sue later. But as the old saying goes, 'If Bill O'Reilly wants you to suck his cock, you better do it', and the case was settled out of court.

[edit] Books

No one can work their way around a clit like Bill!

Bill O'Reilly also writes books. Some fiction, some not, all crap. If you find an O'Reilly non-fiction book in someones house than get ready for a really boring and long conversation about the White House or some bullshit. But if not, watch out because MAN does this guy write some racy and highly well-written erotic scenes, such as in his book Those Who Trespass, which is about some cunt called Shannon who's a man and wants to kill people kthnx. This book taught me more than ANY sex ed class I've EVER been to. See here: "Ashley was now only wearing brief white panties. She had signaled her desire by removing her shirt and skirt, and by leaning back on the couch. She closed her eyes, concentrating on nothing but Shannon's tongue and lips. He gently teased her by licking the areas around her most sensitive erogenous zone. Then he slipped her panties down her legs and, within seconds, his tongue was inside her, moving rapidly."

As you can tell, O'Reilly has had some serious action in his life. Just look at his amazing oral sex techniques. Right away he has the chick "signal her desire" by taking off her clothes. Wow, what a way to "signal (one's) desire." Hubba hubba! Teasing a girl while her panties are still on? That's just incredible. Clearly, this could only have been improved if Shannon was another girl. And if more people used words like 'erogenous'. Mmmmm. Erogenous.

[edit] Sexual Harassment

In 2004 a woman by the name of Andrea Mackris accused Bill of sexual harassment. Of course no one believed her because she was just an "unstable woman making outrageous accusations" agai-OH SHIT SHE TAPE RECORDED EVERYTHING. Unfortunately these tapes were never leaked because Bill paid her millions of dollars to shut the fuck up and destroy them, but for our lulzy pleasure the lawsuit Mackris filed against him went very into detail, here are some of the more interesting points:

"..you've got a vibrator don't you? Every girl does."
Told two women they needed to be trained for when a real man showed up in their lives, and offered to give them lessons
lost his virginity in a car in the JFK airport parking lot
Had sex in Thailand with a "girl" (8yr old???)
Loves phone sex
Has a "big cock"
USES A DICK SHAPED VIBRATOR WHILE MASTURBATING!!!!
Wanted to rub her boobs with a "falafel"
Boasted about having sex and phone sex with many women even though he had a wife, who was pregnant at the time of the lawsuit

[edit] PWN3D By An 8yo

Last Thursday, Bill cried like a pansy little bitch when an 8yo girl on youtube totally pwned his retarded ass. He was so butthurt because a little girl called him an idiot and insulted Christianity for the lulz, that he brought an ugly frigid bitch on his show to say that it was child abuse. This resulted in at least 100 tons of lulz on youtube and caused the video to be put on the front page of youtube as a featured vid for a week.

Bill eventually got even by raping the girl's teddy bear in the ass like the furry faggot he is.

[edit] Trivia

Can be seen in the B52's video "Love Shack"
Closet fan of hit 90s game, Populous.
Let these ugly hoes into Ludacris' room.
Would like to roll your nuts around in his mouth.
Is a douche; that is, a device used by women to squirt water into their vaginas and clean them out.
Cries because Keith Olbermann is more popular than him.
Left Israel due to the great potatoe famine of '83.
Was trolled IRL by Al Franken when the latter arranged lulzy facts about him in book form and O'Reilly sued for defamation, giving the otherwise unremarkable Franken enormous fame and astronomical book sales. See irony.
Wishes to enter the blogosphere with a grenade.
He would like some motherfuckin' ice tea, nigga!