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George Zimmer

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OUR LORD AND MASTER

OH SHI-
4chanarchive has epic archived /b/ threads related to this topic for great justice.

28516492: Billy Mays of Oxi-Clean vs. George Zimmer

HI, I’M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN’S WEARHOUSE. YOUR MOTHER MAY HAVE BEEN BLESSED MORE TIMES BY THE SACRED WHITE RIVER OF MY PELVIC PALADIN, BUT THAT IS NO REASON TO GIVE ME THE GREEN EYE OF JEALOUSY, MY COCK-LOVING CAVALIER. BETWEEN US, TONIGHT WILL BE RELIGIOUS RAPTURE, FOR YOUR ANAL CLEFT SHALL BE MY GREAT SEA, AND I SHALL BE ITS MOSES, CLEAVING ITS MIGHTY CHOCOLATE OCEAN TO MAKE WAY FOR THE SAFE PASSAGE OF MY TESTICULAR TRIBE, HAVING BEEN GRANTED MEPHITIC FREEDOM FROM THE TYRANNY OF ENSLAVEMENT BEHIND A LOCKED PROSTATE. TO DO THIS, I WILL READY MY LONGINUS TO PIERCE YOUR BACKSIDE’S SACRED DOMAIN — YOU WILL SCREAM FIRST IN PAIN, THEN IN PASSION AS ITS STEEL-LADEN GIRTH STRETCHES AND RIPS THE FABRIC OF YOUR MORTAL INNARDS, DISIMBUING YOU OF YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS, LEADING YOU TO A HEAVEN, THEN REVIVING YOUR FEELING OF PHYSICAL REALITY LIKE A ONCE-CRUCIFIED CHRIST RETURNING TO EARTH. I GUARANTEE IT.

Mr. Zimmer visits The Other Wiki.

1 History
2 Fresh Zimmer
3 Zimmer on YTMND
4 External links
5 Gallery

[edit] History

George Zimmer started out as a troll on the Ashlee Simpson message board in response to her SNL lip synching controversy. The troll’s posts featured ALL CAPS first person rants about the suit-czar’s potent masculinity and his ability to provide Ashlee with the ultimate in sexual experiences. The meme spread to less reputable parts of teh internets where the characteristic style of the original posts was parodied, usually targeting a lame n00b or even the reader, accompanied by an appropriate portrait of the dapper salesman. He is now somewhat old meme but a well crafted Zimmerism will still wrench a few lulz out of even the most jaded fag.

[edit] Fresh Zimmer

HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF MEN'S WAREHOUSE.

NOW THIS IS A STORY ALL ABOUT HOW

EVERY PERSON IN THIS WORLD CAN'T RESIST MY PLOW

AND I'D LIKE TO TAKE A MINUTE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT MY KIT

YOU'LL LIKE THE WAY IT LOOKS...I GUARANTEE IT.

IN NEW YORK CITY, BORN AND RAISED

POLISHING MY PISTOL'S HOW I SPENT MY DAYS

FINGERING, TINKERING, TOUCHING UP MY TOOL

CLEANING IT AND MAKING ALL THE LOVELY LADIES DROOL

WHEN SUPERMAN FELL FROM THE SKIES ABOVE,

SAID, "I CAN PWN YOUR PURPLE-HELMETED WARRIOR OF LOVE".

SO I GAVE HIM A TASTE OF MY PILE-DRIVING PLEXUS

AND REALIZED, "I SHOULD MAKE MEN'S SUITS IN TEXAS".

I HAILED FOR A CAB AND WHEN IT CAME NEAR

IT HAD A STICKER THAT SAID "OBJECTS SMALLER IN MIRROR".

I SAID TO THE CABBIE "I CAN PROVE THAT WRONG!"

SO I SHOWED THE GOOD SIR MY SIZABLE SCHLONG

IT VERILY WAS A SIGHT THAT HE JUST COULDN'T QUIT

AND THAT'S WHEN I FIRST PROCLAIMED "I GUARANTEE IT!"

I PULLED UP TO MY MANSION WITH A TRUCK OF WOMEN

AND GAVE THEM ALL A TASTE OF MY OMNIPOTENT SEMEN

LOOKED AT MY KINGDOM AND KNEW I WOULD FIT

AND THAT'S HOW I CAME TO SAY, "I GUARANTEE IT!"

[edit] Zimmer on YTMND

After owning YTMND with his colossal frosting dispenser, the YTMND thieves decided to smuggle Zimmer into the border. Unfortunately, they always do it wrong, so if you thought Zimmer was funny on YTMND, kill yourself.