Asperger's syndrome
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Asperger's Syndrome, also known as Asperger's, AS, Ass Burgers, Assburpers, Stuttering ADD, or NOTism, Nick leblanc syndrome was not an official diagnosis until 1994, when the DSM-IV was published. First mentioned in 1981 by a Dr. Hans Asberper, growth in diagnosis of this disease in the past decade has been only outstripped by self-diagnoses. It is the new ADHD for attention whore mommies and the professionals that are pressed to diagnose their narcissistic and sociopathic spawn.
[edit] As Fad
Asperger's has become a fad for those seeking to garner attention unto themselves. In the fine, hallowed tradition of disease whores everywhere, many of today's youth expertly design a disease which kills two birds with one stone by 1) assuming others are born normal rather than work at it, giving the aspie an excuse not to make an effort to develop social skills, and 2) assuming they were born smart, rather than merely having had more exposure to books and computers because no one wanted to be around them.
Belittling those who actually suffer from the disease with their attention-whoring, the sole motivation for these self-diagnoses seems to be the desire to excuse their asshole nature and claim the disease's diagnostic as "having greater than average intelligence." Meanwhile, those who actually HAVE Aspergers are forced to take the only course left: writing off the internet and getting a real life. Although, it seems that anyone stupid enough to believe that a mental disability is a good thing most likely has one.
[edit] They can't get hugbox therapy coverage
At about 14 minutes into Michael Moore's movie Sicko, it gives a list of disorders with unproven treatments not covered under health insurance. Three of those were NOTism, autism, and gender identity disorder. Therefore, NOTies will have to pay for their own hugboxes or face a depressing average-spanned lifetime of horrible disabling terminal illness.
[edit] Common Symptoms
Heres a sample of these symptoms
Teacher: 9/11 was did by muslims AS(lets call him...nick leblanc): omg omg fuckin homo fuckin homo Teacher: nick thats not acceptable laungage nick: im pretty Jeremy neil: well i never
[edit] Common asshole (minus FlyingTanuki) dialog
[edit] Fascism
Teacher: ...blah...blah... civil war.... racism
Kid: What about FAAAAAAAAASHISM
Teacher: Thats completely...
Kid: EXTREME nationalism and RASCISM
[edit] Genocide
Teacher: ... as in the Indian wars when we pushed around the Natives...
Kid: Did any of the BUTTHOLES get comPLETEly wiped OUT.
Teachah: Um..
[edit] Masturbation
Kid is wiggling hands in his pants
Helper: Tommy get your hands out of your pants.
Kid: NO IM JUST ITCHING MY CROTCH!!!
helper: but...
Kid: ITCHING MY CROTCH!!!
[edit] Stolen flash games
Kid: STickgamesDOTcuuuuhm... Ebuhms
[edit] Assassination and execution
This is a big one
Kid(talking to teacher): COOD a wahy of ASSassinition be stikeeng a grenADE up a soldiers butthole.
Teacher: stares at him blankly
Kid: If a Jew was to pick up a <insert random nazi semi-automatic here> hed be SERIOUS. Its a heavy weapon.
Teacher: ok, moving on.
Kid:Not heavy heavy but...
Teacher: okay we geh...
Kid:It has a SCOPE.
Kid: they should find Osamamama and cut his head off...
Teacher: STOP
Kid: Put it in a wide open field...
Teacher: please, Stop
Kid: and launch missiles at it.
Helper: Its time to leave the class now
kid: Kill sacco... and venzeti, NOW...
Kid: Confederate UNION
I honestly have no clue
Kid: ALWIGHT I ADMIT IT!!!! I DOWNLOADED A VIOLENT GAME ON TEH COMPUTE, MEH all MEH!!!!!
[edit] homosexuality in asspies
Kid: Jonn ehf kennedee is mah favorite president Teacher: Why? Kid: Hes so handsuhm
[edit] Never mention the names of thier homosexual icons
Fucktard: ...Richard petty...(or he might say Ben stiller, Tony Stewart, John F. Kennedy kid:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Teacher: Fucktard, you're suspended, Guy has asspies.
[edit] As Covering Up for Being a Total Fucktard
Some close-knit communities of people, such as furries, plushies, and otherkin possess such distorted views of reality as to be particularly susceptible to believe their ostracization is due to victimization by outside factors, and will not infrequently claim to have Asperger's or be Autistic en masse, often finding some way to tie its manifestations into the fact that they are social misfits, frequently complete assholes and fail at proper expression of affection. In certain of these instances, having "Asperger's" seems to be correlated with the posting of disgusting and semi-nude pictures of yourself frequently on the internet and local AIDS awareness seminars, or writing highly disturbed fanfiction. Additionally, it is not unheard of for these individuals to claim multiple, even incompatible diagnoses of a plethora of diseases -- possibly claiming anorexia, ADHD, autism, Asperger's, schizophrenia, OCD, and anything else they've ever read about or seen on CSI.
[edit] Srs ol ass burgers bsns
http://www.inlv.demon.nl/irc.asperger/
Welcome
If you cannot or do not want to socialize in real life you may find some pleasure in doing it online. Meet people who are similar to you!
You're a fucking lazy faggot and you'd rather sit at your computer and wank than try at anything. See: loser
#asperger is your channel if you are somewhere on the autistic spectrum. The autism spectrum includes autism, Asperger syndrome, and PDD-NOS. One thing we have in common is an impairment in nonverbal communication with neurologically typical ("normal") people that causes social difficulties. People with conditions such as hyperlexia, Tourette syndrome, schizoid personality disorder, social phobia, etc., may join the channel if there is also impairment in nonverbal communication. Loners with an autism-like condition are welcome.
People with ass burgers aren't diseased, they're just different. Damn all for being "normal."
It is not necessary to have an official diagnosis to join the channel. What counts is that you suspect seriously that you would fit in to the autism spectrum. If so, please feel free to join #asperger to see if you might 'fit in' with us.
E-diagnosing 16 year old girls please.
When you first join the channel, an operator will ask some basic information from you, including how you found out about the channel and whether you are on the autistic spectrum. If you don't have an official diagnosis, we may ask you why you think you are on the spectrum. Don't worry too much about this, though. We do not attempt to make diagnoses on whether or not channel visitors have an autism spectrum disorder. However, we must determine whether it is a likely possibility, in order to protect the channel against obvious imposters and troublemakers.
You can come here with an e-diagnosis but we'll probably kick you out anyways because you might be /b/. Dogs and curtains work better anyways you cunts.
The channel is only for those who are on the autistic spectrum!
Okay so what was that before about other social disorders?
#asperger is not for parents of autistic children and "experts" who wish to exchange experiences and ideas about treatments. If you want to discuss treatments etc. you are requested to do it on #autism or on #prism.
We only want kids because we're paedos
[edit] People Who Really Have Aspergers
Few exist on the internet. Most sightings are just rumour and superstition, like good reality TV. Some fall into the larger cults of Aspergers that are established, and most just lurk to be anonymous and unnoticed. Some would never be suspected of having Aspergers, because they're so unlike the normal fake attention whore who wants to tell you all about some esoteric topic. If you've found a person who actually has Aspergers, you get an Internet Achievement(5G). One is here and here.
[edit] Terminology
People who have (fictionally or otherwise) Asperger's will sometimes refer to themselves as aspies or as a group, the aspie community. While these people may come across as jerks, the actual victims of the disease are decent human beings FAGARTZ BUTTSECKZ LOVARTZ minus the social skills who encounter the self-diagnosed attention-whoring victimhood-loving cunts, whose falseness drives their victims into a driveling, uncontrollable rage.
Should also be noted that those who deal with people who supposedly have this disease (and can't stand them) will refer to the wannabe sick as having AssBurners Sydrome.
[edit] Interweb Case Studies
![I don't mean to sound judgmental, but...[1]](/web/20080101192609/http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Image:JewishAspies.png)
- The male_dom community on Livejournal is 100% made up of self-diagnosed 'aspies'. When one poster says her partner has it, about 20 people chime in as having it as well, all self-diagnosed of course and many of them claiming to be autistic as well.
- 1justin is self diagnosed with it, he's just as much of a faggot about it as everyone else, but assumes he is better than the rest. He wound up banned from the aspergers community (which has since mysteriously been deleted and purged) for trying to point out to its members that most of them probably don't have it and that being proud about it is stupid, both of which appropriately apply to him.
- A poll on kuro5hin in which 76% of respondents claim to have some form of Asperger's or autism. Yes. 76%.
- A large number of goons from the the SomethingAwful forums claim to have aspergers. From the looks of things, most of them probably do.
- Everyone on Fanfiction.net either has Asspies, Lysdexia, and/or ADHD; which begs the question, why are they writing?
- Everyone on DevianTART has Aspergers, which means you cant criticize them or they'll get upset, because they have a perfectly legitimate reason for why no-one should criticize their shit art.
- The closing logo and video FBI warning obsessives on YouTube who were traumatized by the V of Doom
- mutescream from waffles.fm has Aspergers in addition to superhuman intelligence. Also claims to have 210+ IQ.
[edit] Diagnosis
Peter Szatmari, who literally wrote the book on this shit said: "It was introduced into the official classification systems in 1994 and has grown in popularity as a diagnosis, even though its validity has not been clearly established. It is interesting to note that it was introduced not so much as an indication of its status as a 'true' disorder, but more to stimulate research ... its validity is very much in question." He later added, "But that won't stop a bunch of fucktards from claiming to have it".
If you feel that you're shy, unusual, highly intelligent, dislike people, fail at social interaction, and have bad hygeine, you may very well require an E-Diagnosis of Asperger's.
[edit] Aspies in the Wild
[edit] Scombridae?!?!!
[edit] Like looking into the future
[edit] Read on for free lulz (NOT)
Im sure you are thinking after reading all of this "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?" and it gets so much better. No longer content shitting all over the internet, aspies decided to shit all over world culture as well! Plagurizing and raping the story of Atlantis they came up with a POS "MYTHICAL" origin for people with Aspergers (since the mercury hypothesis wasnt cool enough) it can be found on the pro aspie website known as aspergia quotes are as follows:
| “ | Many, Many eons in the past, this new civilisation was founded, building great towers and dwellings, and thriving in a social structure, very different to that which we observe today. The Aspergians celebrated an individual's uniqueness and devotion to their cause. They taught their young that each and every person is born with a very specific talent, their "special gift", which they must identify if they are to live a full and fulfilling life. | „ |
| —retards | ||
allow me to translate:
"a place THAT WAS TOTALY NOT ATLANTIS, existed awhile ago, where MOM AND THE TEACHERS WOULDNT MAKE ME DO SHIT, and so i heard about this 'special gift' and cause of that i can be a lazy douchebag."
| “ | The Aspergians did not build their dwellings close to each other. They had a complex social structure which allowed individuals to invest most of their seeker years in searching for their destiny, and most of their time as Initiated in fulfilling it. This helped their culture to achieve great things. | „ |
| —retards | ||
Translation: "NO ONE DID SHIT AND EVERYTHING WAS FINE SO FUCK YOU MOM AND DAD."
| “ | It may be that the tales of the great flood, all go back to the Aspergian story. After the civilisation of Aspergia survived for millennia without danger or strife, the ocean itself sought its own destiny and found that it had to take over the land on which the Aspergians lived. The water rose and rose, until there was no doubt that Aspergia would cease to exist within a short period of time. | „ |
| —retards | ||
Translation: "MOM AND DAD CAME AND SAID TO DO CHORES."
(translators note: after reading this I now suspect DivineAngel to be the author of said website)
| “ | The Aspergians were not ever faced with the task of building a boat that was bigger than for the purpose of local fishing. Other than the oft told story of the great Son of Aspergia, who set to sea in search of other lands, and was never seen again, they had not dared try and go beyond the borders of the visible waters, because they knew there were great currents there; currents which take you to sea and never let you return. | „ |
| —retards | ||
Stolen from the Legend of Zelda
| “ | The peoples they came across were very different to them: they valued a sort of constant Communitude, they were afraid of their destiny, and were afraid of being alone or pursuing their talents. But the Aspergians were a minority everywhere they went,. and their nature dictated that they integrate, and learn the ways of the land. | „ |
| —retards | ||
Translation: "They found people who did scary things, like use words properly, and GoddessMillenia and mocked others for being lazy and stupid."
| “ | Their story was swallowed into the general mythology, and made a part of human heritage. | „ |
| —retards | ||
Translation: "We ArE BeTtEr ThEn U!!1!1"
| “ | In some periods of history, Aspergian manifestations were hunted down and destroyed. Aspergian women burned at the stake as witches, Aspergian inventors and creative minds persecuted for daring to be different. There were Aspergians who discovered a destiny-talent for design and formulation, and secretly created ancient Aspergian symbols in crop circles. There are Aspergians that are Gazers to this day, watching for trains, planes, boats or searching for life in outer space. These traits are so different to "normal" human ones that they persisted through their genes. | „ |
| —retards | ||
Translation: "we ripped off some more shit, ya were going to say albert einstein was one of us even though he had few communication problems and did a lot of hard work, and we are just lazy introverted slobs blaming everything on genetics which might not even exist." (remember kids, autism isnt always genetic, it is commonly caused by environmental factors like pollution, which must be taken down to zero.)
[edit] See also
[edit] List of Ass pies
- Bram Cohen
- Darviela Maravarona
- DaxFlame
- mutescream
- Napoleon Dynamite
- Olinkalex
- Timelord
- Popcorn
- Prince Jeremy
- Therealagerbon
- Tosh
- twillitts
- Wetflame
- Every Wikipedia admin [citation deleted]
