Chalosan
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Chalosan, real name Gonzolo Reyes, is a furfag tartlet of epic proportions, and not just because he draws most of his characters with enormous thighs and asses. This well-respected DA denizen has over TWO MILLION goddamn pageviews, all from horny fat-loving furrys who strongly deny that Chalo's popularity has anything to do with the fact that 70% of his pictures focus on squishing giant boobs together.
Chalo, who hails from El Salvador, enjoys massive furry popularity, not because he's an exceptional artist, but because every single one of his pictures includes a giant shiny jiggling pair of furry boobs, some of them apparently infected with AIDS. And sometimes there's THREE boobs! But no matter how many or how tightly compressed, the boobs are what bring the patrons. Sadly, this fact is lost on Chalo, who honestly believes he's popular because he's good. Much of his time OL is spent begging people to Paypal him donations so he can spend it on the necessities of life, and the rest of his time is spent making baby Jesus cry because he uploads pictures of dolphin women with huge titties, wanking all the while to the drooling blandishments of his furry fans. This is a man who has never seen a girl naked in real life, but is intimately familiar with the sight of his own semen arcing gracefully across his keyboard and onto his monitor.
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[edit] Webcomic
Chalo's online comic, Las Lindas, is pretty much the same as his DevArt gallery...full of furry boob and mongrel-english, although unlike his DA it's tough to locate, since he's constantly "updating", which means not leaving a link to it. Eventually I found it, and the total summary of it is that an enormous-boobed cow woman (who lacks udders for some reason) blackmails a catboy into working for free on her boring-ass farm. And then she hits him a lot for being ecchi, while showing him her tits at every possible opportunity. There are other furry people in the comic but they're all boring as shit. The cow woman walks around dressed like the trashiest hooker in New Jersey, and then gets mad when guys holler at her. What a fucking cunt.
It's worth noting that Chalosan has two assistant writers that do most of the work for him, so he can concentrate on drawing his shiny, pig-faced characters against shitty, nonexistant background art drenched in photoshop filters and lensflare. However even with his furfag friends cleaning up after him, the comic is still an ass sandwich made of a retarded plot, unfunny punchlines that are painful and trite, clichéd characters and unnecessary pseudoscience.
How nice for you, Chalosan. How very, very nice.
[edit] The Emptiness of Chalo
Chalo is 31 FUCKING YEARS OLD and still drawing enormous breasts on fox-women. He writes an online comic, plays video games rabidly, lives with his parents and has a Pokemon trainer card posted in his DA journal. Naturally, he is also single. What a wanker. He also has some kind of pathetic crush on fellow tartlet Mosskat, a girl from Jamaica who is far younger than Chalo. LOL CP. He calls her his lady and his precious, but then has to shamefully admit that they're "just friends." That means no pussy for you, Chalosan! Back to the loving embraces of Lubriderm and your right hand!
An interesting note: although Chalosan mentions MossKat constantly in his journal, she never seems to comment back. Admit it Chalo, she simply DO NOT WANT.
Up until last year, Chalo worked for his parents at their family grocery store for over 17 years, never once getting the opportunity to meet a girl and touch her sweet, sweet chestbags. This drove Chalo mad with sexual frustration, and unfortunately for the net, he brought it online with his mammoth-boobed furry girl art. When he had to take over the store and manage it solely, Chalo cut down on his art posting to actually work a real job and then bitched about not having enough time to draw all the kiribans he irrationally keeps promising people. Now that the store is closed, Chalo is complaining that he has no money and he doesn't know what the future will hold for a man who has never worked a real job outside of his parents' business, but he hopes to make a living selling his creepy furry art online while living with his parents.
I know what the future holds for you, Chalo. Lots and lots of lulz and fail.
[edit] Chalosan Abroad
Being the quiet homebody that he is, Chalo's first big trip in the world was a vacation in Mexico. Of the three pictures he posted while visiting historic landmarks, two contain his stuffed panda bear toy and one just of his hideous chinstrapped face (see pictures at right). Not sure which is worse. The day after he returned to his home, relations between Mexico and the US became violently strained. But Mexico's full of filthy mexicans so nobody in the US really cared.
[edit] Quotes
Chalo thinks this may possibly be a hoax but he's NOT taking any chances. E-lives are at stake here!
| “ | Guys, I want to draw your attention once more to .Project Download. .
The website explains but basically Erin (her name) is very sick with a very unique situation that makes her ineligible to get medical help. She has come across an offer Megaupload has put out. If a file you have on our server generates 5 million hits we will pay over $10,000 dollars. This amount I think will cover her medical bills. The situation for this girl has gotten desperate. I've sent out emails to persons who I think could make a difference in drawing a crowd to her plight. But now I want to enroll YOU (yes, you) into this. DA is a HUGE place isn't it? Think about it. We've got over 1 million members. Can you imagine if 1 million people downloaded that file? It's possible and I'm determined to help this girl. I download the file once at home and then at work. Everyday. I am asking for your help. If you are an artist and you KNOW you have people who read your journal, post an entry about Project Download. Spread the word. You can do this. | „ |
| —Chalosan, falling for the oldest goddamn scam in the book | ||
| “ | I haven't play Pokemon much now, but I still keep developing and building up a good team. But they still need a lot of work. | „ |
| —Chalo, ridin the VirginMobile for life | ||
| “ | Tomorrow is my birthday(...)With all those things going it would be lucky if anyone around here even remember what day is tomorrow. Not that I really care of not having a celebration or any gift, but I just wish things were diferent. | „ |
| —Chalo, fishing for birthday presents | ||
| “ | Since I usually dont enjoy the goodness of a subscription here in DA, I never feel like working on my journals like I oftem see: that means making pictures to put on it and make it nicer. Maybe someday ill do but no... not right now. haha. | „ |
| —Chalo, fishing for free subscriptions | ||
| “ | Oh I noticed my DA subscripcion expired.. too bad *goes back to work* | „ |
| —Chalo, fishing for moar gift subscriptions | ||
| “ | My life seem like a conjuntion of boring, tedius and tiredness routine.
Even when I do things other consider out of the common and all, i still feel the same(...)New comic its posted, yay! now sit and wait until the same persons write the same comments they put in the past one, read it all and wait untill its the time for a new chapter. They seem to enjoy it but I should feel the same way too... weres my pride and joy, to be the author of all this? Even tough i do get praises and all the like about it, they dont make me feel like, full of joy. | „ |
| —noone understands meh :( | ||
| “ | Sometimes I whish life had more rewarding and exiting moments. but its too dull and tedius most of the time. | „ |
| —Chalosan, too fucking lazy to leave the house | ||
| “ | Not a big deal but.. have you trainers ever cought a jolteon that walks in two feet, have big breasts and stylish haircut? | „ |
| —Chalos, wondering if others are as sexually attracted to Pokemans as he is | ||
| “ | I love Renamon, she's the coolest digimon (along with Wargreymon, that's it) I wish she could hold me in her hands once! | „ |
| — Chalosan, struggling to hide his excitement | ||
Chalosan is a retarded nerd who lives with his parents at age 31. In other words, he was probably asking for this:
| “ | The story: We were selling and old freezer/cooler (dunno how you call it) so we advertised it in the newspaper.
Some people called and said they were comming to take a look at it. They came, and I was alone at home that time. Two of them tricked me by keeping me busy and talking when the third went up our house and stole some things from us. They leave and then I notice the robery. | „ |
| —LOL | ||
[edit] What You Can Do To help
There is no reason why this man should have 2 million pageviews and not have been trolled into oblivion by now. Smaller trolling attempts have been made, but his fans always push back the tide of lulz with an equally massive tide of furry and fail. You can help Anon by trolling the everliving fuck out of Chalosan and eventually purging the internets of one more respected furry artist.
[edit] ART
A rare human character, note the detail (or lack thereof).
The poor guy is just SO desperate for a woman. Any kind of woman.
Such an impeccable grasp on anatomy.
[edit] LINKS
- Chalosan on DevianTART
- Chalosan on Fagaffinity
- Chalo's boring webcomic
- Chalo's old website, contains high levels of fantasy bullshit
- More crappy art
- Even more
Email: chalo@katbox.net
Categories: Crap | DeviantART | Furries
