(Well, OK -- that explains the sweaty bike rides and nights out on the town, but the Loop wants to know how Matthew McConaughey, who's also been seen out with the two boys, fits into the equation?)

Speaking of Armstrong, the lewd gay joke he told while hosting the recently televised "Espy Awards" is getting him a surprising amount of bad publicity. After pointing out Gyllenhaall in the audience, Armstrong noted he was surprised to see Jake in the front when he really preferred it "in the rear . . . of the theater."

The comment caused a lot of controversy, and even the New York Times' Richard Sandomir criticized the lewd remark in "And the ESPY for Bad Taste Goes to . . ."

Madonna goes prime time
If you're still having dreams remembering Madonna discoing to "Disco Inferno" after seeing her latest concert tour, here's good news: You can relive the electrifying stage moments this fall when NBC presents "Madonna: The Confessions Tour Live."

The two-hour special (which will air during November sweeps) will be taped this summer as the Material Girl performs at Wembley Stadium in London.

Speaking of Madonna, Camille Paglia caught her live in concert a few weeks back in Philly, and according to her interview with Outrate, she wasn't all that impressed. "I simply wanted to see her -- not be assaulted by an avalanche of pretentious, irrelevant images dizzily winking on giant screens," she said. "The lugubrious montage of doleful African orphans framing a glammed-up Madonna as she reclined on her sparkly disco crucifix was too much by 20 miles."

It wasn't just the visuals that rubbed Paglia the wrong way.

"Madonna seemed to be doing suspiciously little dancing -- there was a lot of skipping up and down the ramps, along with Charo-like hair-whipping and nimbly acrobatic leg work on a stripper's pole," she said. "But I felt that Madonna was often holding her neck and shoulders stiffly -- as if her collarbone, which she broke in that riding accident last August, were bothering her. I wouldn't be surprised if all this premature touring has aggravated it." Wow, Camille, tell us how you really feel . . .

Lesbian action on "Deadwood"
The Loop urged lesbians a few months back to start watching HBO's "Deadwood." With characters that include gorgeous lesbian brothel owner Joannie and a would-you-please come-out-of-the-closet-already Calamity Jane (not to mention the always-crushworthy actress Molly Parker playing a desperate widow), "Deadwood" is the best nonlesbian drama on TV, and this past Sunday's episode proved it.

In the episode, lesbian brothel owner Joanie Stubbs (Kim Dickens) laid a big fat kiss on -- you guessed it -- Calamity Jane (Robin Weigert). But make no mistake: This lesbian scene was done 100 percent "Deadwood" style. While leaning in to give the always- dirty Jane a kiss while sponging her down in a bath, Jane says, "Now I don't want to open my eyes, but you can go ahead and kiss me. If that's what you fuckin' do."

Nelly Furtado comes out as bi

Canadian popster Nelly Furtado told gay Euromag GUS she's attracted to women and that all people are bisexual. "I'm reading a book about Chinese medicine, which claims that people are inherently bisexual to balance their energies. ... I believe Kurt Cobain's statement that, in the end, everyone is gay. Everybody should have the freedom to experiment."

"I believe sexual experimentation is part of human history," she added.

Now we know why her latest single's called "Promiscuous."

Oprah says she and Gayle aren't gay

Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King aren't gay, reports the Associated Press. In the August issue of O, the Oprah Magazine, the Queen of Daytime talks with her best friend of 30 years (who's also the editor of the magazine), saying "I understand why people think we're gay ... There isn't a definition in our culture for this kind of bond between women. So I get why people have to label it -- how can you be this close without it being sexual?"

King stated, "The truth is, if we were gay, we would tell you, because there's nothing wrong with being gay," says. But Winfrey seemed a little more ambiguous, saying "Something about this relationship feels otherworldly to me, like it was designed by a power and a hand greater than my own. Whatever this friendship is, it's been a very fun ride."

So much for those rumors about putting the "gay" back in "Gayle." Next, please: Hard evidence of Steadman's heterosexuality -- if you can find it. Maybe for the September issue?

Celebs crack wise at Games

Rumors that Madonna would show up, Coachella-like, to perform at the Gay Games' opening ceremonies proved to be wishful thinking -- but former Erasure front man Andy Bell did sport a T-shirt with Madonna! Madonna! Madonna! in red sequins, while Jody Watley performed her silky cover of the Material Girl's "Borderline."Self-proclaimed Gay Games fag hag Margaret Cho was heard to marvel at Soldier Field, normally the home of Chicago's pro football team, saying, "Hanging with Bears at Soldier Field has a whole new meaning." She also made the apt remark that "any government that would deny a gay man the right to bridal registry is a fascist state." And Megan Mullally had lash-battingly admiring words for the city's mayor Richard M. Daley: "Just because he doesn't bat for the team doesn't mean he doesn't go to bat for gay rights. ... He's here. He's not queer. But we're used to it."

Next weekend's closing ceremonies are scheduled to feature Cyndi Lauper, ANT and RockOut artists Ari Gold, Levi Kreis and Jason & deMarco.

A Rivers runs through it

Ubergay network Bravo's nabbed Joan Rivers for a "View"-like talk show this fall -- but this hen party will feature Rivers with a harem of gay boys. Titled "Can We Dish," the talk show is currently in casting, so if you've got a yen to dish with Queen Bitch, contact Bravo's bigwigs ...

John Stamos' gay wedding

Producers Craig Zadan and Neil Meron, the team behind the controversial cable series "The Reagans," have a new project: a romantic comedy about gay marriage starring John Stamos. The "Full House" heartthrob plays the gay brother of a politico who swings against same-sex marriage to further his campaign. James Brolin, who played Reagan the duo's biopic, heads back to politics with a role as the governor of Maine. The show, titled "Wedding Wars," will air on A&E; this winter.