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Furry
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| Before these fags came to be, "furry" was an ADJECTIVE, not a fucking noun. |
See main article at: Prince Jeremy.
| The pope says:
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[edit] The Species-Dysmorphic
Furries are faggots who believe they are animals inside human bodies. By sheer coincidence, 98% of all furries are, inside, actually foxes.
One of the things furries do to counteract their "fleshy, pink, hyooman form" is construct an elaborate, very expensive outfit of an anthropomorphic creature, typically known as a fursuit. These are made from the finest dime-store shag carpeting, bought specifically for it's unique shagging properties, or even latex, because what's more erotic than latex?. Some go so far as to live inside of them, forming what can only be described as a self-contained ecosystem of stink and sweat. Sometimes furries may try to wash the fursuit with furshampoo, but since animals never bathe, they instead choose not to.
Some furries will undoubtedly claim that they have a purely nonsexual approach, and simply enjoy walking around their house in a $1500 skunk suit when no one else is watching, all the while not trying to seduce the house cat. This, ladies and gentlemen, is an Internet Fairy Tale. No furry would pass up the opportunity to romance a small furry mammal. This myth has been perpetuated by countless furries who try to make their way of life appear to be less lynchable. However, all this ends up doing is pushing them along faster on their highway to hell.
If a furry ever approaches you and declares his celibacy, grab him by the throat and beat the living shit out of him. If more than one approaches you at all, run, it's a trap.
Furries always claim that their "furgotry" is a innate part of themselves. Sometimes this comes in a form of a "Totem Animal" to give themselves a guise of druidic legitimacy.
Other times they may claim that they are, in fact, the reincarnation of an animal from a past life. During other times, they will claim that they are, in all honesty and without a doubt of their verity, a true lycanthrope, who can magically transform themselves into a real animal.
To figure out the true origins of Furry, our crack team of scientists are working on a theory that furries are, in fact, actual animals who have, through some unknown means, transformed themselves into a socially maladjusted loser, and subsequently lost the ability to turn back. However, we are no closer to achieving the true answer than a furry is to achieving a life.
Furries are renowned for their artistic nature. A typical furry masterpiece is created using the best graphical editing software money can buy, such as Microsoft's MSPaint, to depict a humanoid animal either becoming very, very fat or having 3-5 massive penises either on them or in them. These images, shown prominently in public galleries, either electronic or real, tend to attract more furries, who in turn attract more furries who feel strength in numbers, to the point where the gallery is no longer just in innocent Geocities page, but a breeding ground for filth. This is how FurAffinity and many others came into existence.
While defending against the fur, take note of their wide, gratuitous use of pseudo-intellectual nonsense and mythical outlook on life. This typically includes the unrealistic dream where furries are, ironically enough, better than humans. Prime examples of this are freakylynx,Illlaw, and Zets_coony.
Naturally, these innate natures or totem animals or whatever delusional justification they provide almost always take the form of an animal that is either cute (rabbits, mice, woodchucks, etc), dangerous (lions, tigers, bears, oh my), or rife with dark symbolism (snakes, ravens). Naturally, these traits are rarely possessed by the furry's "human nature". Furries who claim, say, a banana slug or an anchovy as their totem animal are almost non-existent. The only known examples of such furries, in fact, are the those who deliberately chose a non-standard totem animal so they could (A) be socially maladjusted outsiders even within a community of socially maladjusted outsiders; and (B) say "NUH-UH" to anybody who makes the observation outlined in this paragraph. Even with the above, around 75% of all furries choose the wolf or fox, srsly.
[edit] History
- In the beginning, God created all the beasts of the land, all the fishes in the sea, all the birds of the air, Adam and Steve. And the LORD did look upon his creation, and smile, for it was good.
- And it remained good right up until Steve decided he was really a nine-tailed dick-nippled fox deep down in his perverted little heart.
- And Satan went unto Steve, and verily, he did say unto him "Behold, oh Steve! If thou dost but tap thy Crypt Rats, thou might slay this Fox; and take of him his skin to be thine own; and make of it a Suit of Fur; and then might thou know the little animals right to thy heart's content."
- And Steve did as Satan told. And Steve did yiff and scritch unto all the beasts of the land, all the fishes in the sea, all the birds in the air, and Adam, who was dressed like a panda, did until all were verily sore.
- And the LORD did look upon this and smile for he is a degenerate fuck sometimes.
- Even the great comic minds, The Goodies tackled the subject in the early 80s, shortly after that their show was canceled!
- In 1986, the Internet introduced furries to the mainstream with T.H.E. Fox on Compuserve
[edit] How Furries are Created
In the sixth grade there are two kids, Joey, and Cho. They both get the assignment to do a report on the cheetah. Joey and Cho go to each others' homes and study long and hard. They even find out where cheetahs live and eat.
The next day, they turn in the report, and their teacher, Mrs. Williams, gives them both an A+. They are both extremely excited. Joey then decides to go on with his life but Cho has other plans. Joey decides to tape the report onto his refrigerator and go play with his friends, but Cho decides to go home and stay up all night making an anatomically correct cheetah costume with a little hole so that he can stick out his penis through it and yiff.
He then becomes an artist and draws pictures of a cheetah with four penises and three vaginas fucking the absolute shit out of a tiger who has a dildo implanted on its head and seven tits and three dick-nipples. Thus, in Virginia Tech, a furry is born.
[edit] Alternative theory
It is said that the entire furry population is the result of a single scene in Stanley Kubrick's The Shining, in which near the end, Shelly Duvall watches a dogsuiter performing oral sex on a man. Seriously. No fucking lie. See it Here.
[edit] How to Become a Furry (Tutorial)
In the late March of 2006, a tutorial depicting a satire tutorial about 'How to Be a Furry' was made and uploaded. While receiving praise on deviantArt by non-idiot members of the site, both furry and non-furry, it has received criticism on livejournal by butthurt furries who don't know the subtle art of satire and having a sense of humor. The most notable whiner being xydexx, as seen here.
Furries can also infect others with the disease of furfaggotry. Most furries are friends with many nonfurries in the general population, and for some reason they want to share their sick fucking world with everyone, so they lure their friends to a convention telling them its just a scifi con. Before the unspecting humans know it, they're already under the spell of furries' displays of fagottry, also furry's mating dances can be used to put nonfurs in a trance like state. while in this trance like hippy state of acceptance and tolerance, they are dragged off to the cum caverns known as furrie mating grounds. Before they realize it, it's already too late, and they have already been mounted and have an over nine thousand foot fox cock shoved up their ass. and thus after the fox get its fix of freshmeat it deposits it's posioness seed in side of the poor human, although the human may think he can get away theres really no point the furries posion is already spreading through the humans body and before the next convention he will have already become a gigantic furfag himself. becuase this species of furfag was a fox he will most likely become some type of fox or mixed fox breed himself.
[edit] Evolution and furries
Darwin's Theory of Evolution is a slow gradual process hotly masturbated over by godless scientists. However, since furries are not fully "human", furry breeding will result in de-evolution, the reversal process in which mankind regresses into a retarded, animalistic state.
Occationally, mutation is a result of human sexual activity.
As de-evolution rears its ugly head, true fursecution shall become a political issue and each furry will receive three fifths of a vote.
[edit] Conflicts With Furries
[edit] Trolling For Great Justice
(Note: Starting these conflicts are epic win.)
The furry subculture is not without its detractors. Furries are frequently mocked and featured on Something Awful and the Portal of Evil, all for great reason, where the worst of the worst are showcased and ridiculed. This leads furries to try to defend themselves with cries of fursecution, and often comparing their detractors to Hitler and act as though being made fun of over the Internet is anywhere equal to the plight of the Jews. All this ends up doing is performing a credibility holocaust on the furry. The totally unwarranted victimization of the furry community often leads to cutting and cries of "leaving the fandom, afk".
Scientists have long theorized that furries are so repulsive that there is no way they could stand each other. Although they have attempted to present a united front, this theory was recently proven to be true by the discovery of this shocking video of two furries in the wild:
[edit] Reverse Trolling
Furries, who have been the victims of troll-based warfare for many years, have sometimes attempted to turn the tables on their tormentors and strike back.
On February 10, 2005, a furry calling itself omghi2trolls came into existence, adding several apparent trolls to the roster. Omghi2trolls was supposedly a parody of omghi2furries, but the "joke" caved when the owner of omghi2trolls deleted its journal on the same day it was created.
In April 2004, supposedly reformed furry Postvixen created biteycircusflea and befriended several known trolls in the hopes of being return-friended and allowed to spy upon all of the deepest, darkest secrets in whatever friends only entries they might have lying around.
When a group of Internet detectives discovered this, it swore up and down that he really wasn't trying to hide, REALLY. Since the journal entries as biteycircusflea were about as TL;DR as his usual ones, this might even be factual.
[edit] Wikipedia drama
This involves making approximately ten to the boobillionth power edits to Wikipedia's "Furry" article and, when that doesn't fulfill their need for alpha-wolf dominance, the "Furry fandom", "Funny animal", and "Talking animal" articles as well.
Why in the world Wikipedia has separate articles for "Furry" and "Furry fandom" is one of the many, many, many trivial points being bickered over between Xydexx and allegedly-cooler heads in the various articles' Discussion pages. Why? Because furries are without logic and subsist off of meaningless trifles. The one yiff pic in existence that doesn't resemble this can be found on their yiff article.
[edit] Baseball team incident
One night in July 2007, an Americunt sports team stayed in the same hotel at a furry convention, and this was reported:
- "Virtually everyone, even those who looked otherwise "normal", had a tail sticking out of their clothes in the back. Players and staff reported neighboring rooms generating loud animal noises, barking and other, deep into the night. At first it was kind of funny to see these people wandering around the downtown streets and filing into the hotel, but after the novelty wore off it just made everyone feel creepy. The "furries" seem harmless enough, but people who think they might be an animal trapped in a human body just are unnervingly odd, to say the least."
[edit] Nigra/Furry Incident at Otakon 2007
During the Otakon anime convention, some random furry wandered into the 4chan Aftermath, a mini-convention of /b/-tards outside the main doors of the Baltimore Convention Center. According to witnesses and the Nigra himself, somebody shouted "Holy shit, it's a furry!" At which point the valiant /b/rother spun around and yelled: "A furry?! Where?! Oh, FUCK", charged the furry, and assaulted her with a ghetto blaster.
Witnesses claim he "barely hit her" but the mental image of a girl in a fur suit with the mask twisting around is rather funny. Otakon staff told the Nigra to stop playing music and "drawing attention to himself," at which point he crossed the street and did a victory dance to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
The police later contacted the furry, and when she took off her mask her "expression was priceless." No arrests were made, probably because she described the assaulter as "a tall white male dressed in a suit and an afro." And no one ever listens to furries.
[edit] Furries in Space
Star Trek vs Star Wars: The Furry Conflict --> The Story Of The Multiverse Furry Conflict! (Seriously?)
Dont Forget To Check out their very own Wiki! Everything you need to know about the furry conflicts so more lulz can be generated.
This audio may generate some Lulz A reading of the furry conflicts with live action acting!
[edit] What To Do If Encountered By A Furry
In case you ever see a furry, go to this site and read everything. http://godhatesfurries.com/
Alternatively, you could take immediate action for great justice. And teh lulz, though that goes without saying.
[edit] Furries and You
Fursecution.net the newest of a furry-video and image archive. also some inflation fetish pages.
A cameltoe on a chick does not make her a furry. (She's still asking for it though.)
A man who refuses to shave his back is in fact a bear, but since he doesn't believe he is a bear, he is not a furry.
[edit] What furries say "Furry" does not mean
The term furry does not imply lycanthropy, vampirism, sexual preference, sex, age, or fetish of any kind. It is a completely generalized term and does not even reflect upon the animal or being to which the person identifies with or to. FALSE it's clear that furries enjoy their sex.
[edit] Harmless and Consensual
Whenever they are justifiably taken to task for their deviant ways, furries invariably proclaim that being furry is both "harmless and consensual". This is a code phrase which, in the mind of a furry, means "I AM IMMUNE FROM CRITICISM! YOU MUST RESPECT THE WAY I EXPRESS MY INDIVDIUALISM!"
This tactic rarely works.
[edit] Solving the Furry Menace
Obviously, furries are a blight upon the world. They sit around in their suits skullfucking each other whilst making weird animal noises. Nothing will stop them, so, there is a solution that allows them to continue their twelve-dicked horse costume lifestyle whilst contributing to society: all furries need to be rounded up and herded into camps, where they will be forced to build cheap TV's for the poor 20 hours a day. What they do for the other 4 hours is up to them. While they'll inevitably die of exhaustion, the survivors should have no problems consuming the bodies.
Remember, just like witches and homosexuals, if you do not dedicate your life to end the existence of furries, you are one of them.
[edit] Going Public
In an attempt to give furries equal standing, a daring interspecies romance was made public...
...and Moby was recruited to distribute promotional material.
[edit] More recent Furry invasions of England
There were no survivors.
[edit] The Furry invasion of France
In France, the furry world domination plan has succeeded beyond their wildest dreams. Their sick yiff-fantasies are openly used on network TV to sell soft drink. Another reason to bomb the cheese-eaters back into the Stone Age. You don't even want to know about the print ads.
[edit] Furry Nirvana
This is every Furry's dream:
Ironically enough, an island where all the furries in the world are dumped is everybody else's dream.
[edit] Furry Hip Hop
It is a well known fact all furfags love underage niggers.
[edit] Islamofurry
Hammas furry propaganda! Praise be to furrlah!
Farfour the brave Hammas martyr-mouse. Yes its real, lulz.
[edit] Furries on Springer
Furries on Jerry Springer (aired 2/25/08). The full episode was over 9000 times funnier.
[edit] Famous Furs That Furries Love
- Crash Bandicoot
- Any animal on any Disney show/movie
- Ratchet
- Sonic The Hedgehog
- Meeko, the raccoon from Pochahontas
- Lola Bunny
- Guilmon
- Krystal, duh
- Nearly every character from Tiny Toons.
- Brandy Harrington, from Brandy and Mr. Whiskers
- Pikachu
- Lucario
- Yin-Yang-Yo
- Petunia
- Renamon
- Gadget Hackwrench
- Minerva Mink
- Rita, according to 4chan, everyone is furry for this AIDS infested fox
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[edit] If afflicted
Should one find themselves to be a furry, treatment is available through one or more of the following methods.
- GTFO
- Convert to the righteous ways of the one true savior.
- Bask in the sin-cleansing rays of Quasidan's penis.
- Finally realize that you are a sick motherfucker.
- Do it!.
[edit] Typically Associated with furries
- Acrotomophilia
- Anthrochat
- Necrofurs
- Basement
- Basement-dweller
- Achaea
- Asking strangers to make fanart of your own (already stolen) art
- Babyfur
- Bestiality
- Veterinarian
- Closet Furry
- Constantly making up shit for sympathy
- Crush! Yiff! Destroy!
- Darknest
- Diaperfur
- Disney
- Drama awesome
- Earth Eternal
- Fanart and Fanfiction
- Fat furry
- Furcadia
- Furggotry
- FurNet
- Furseiseki
- Fursona
- Fursuit
- Fursecution
- Furluminati
- Keenspace comics
- Kuta
- LiveJournal, icons and angst
- Macrophile
- Mallard Fillmore
- Nazi Furs
- Necrofurs
- Neon Stripes
- Noam Chomsky
- OIFY members
- Otherkin and Otakukin
- Pissed Off Furries
- Plushie
- Postfurry
- Racist
- Retarded icons
- Rubberfur
- Registerfly -- Anything hosted by this is furry in nature
- Rescreatu - Online neopets type site
- Ruining The Internet
- Rule 34
- Second Life -- up-and-coming online furry refugee camp
- Sonic CulT -- Filled with closet furries
- Taxidermy -- save nature, kill a furry
- Template:Furry - all furries need this template on their user page
- Tom Galloway
- Unicorn Orgy
- Unbirthing
- VCL
- VegetaWorshipper
- Voraphile
- Yiff
- Yiffstar
- WikiFur
- ZetaCreations -- What furries stick up their asses.
- Think laterally
- Encyclopedia Dramatica -- Half the articles on this site link to this page. The other half link to Furfag.
[edit] External Links
- Forum full of furfags that worship a childrens series
- Furry Videos and Animations
- Furry Photoshop
- Sign the petition to get rid of furries on 4chan.
- Defense of a Furry (faggot); unbelievably lulzworthy, hes pathetic. Srsly needs TROLLED.
- Three Part Documentary. Many lulz.
- Furries and You!
- Someone discovering the truth about furries
- A pathetic furry counterattack on the above video
- Documentary on furry fandom in Vancouver.
- Short segment on BBC (mention yiffing)x
- If you have an Amazon.com account flame the fuck out of this book now
- Guide to better yiffing
- A real-life furry
- confurvatives Are you sexually attracted to cartoon animals?Do you have a really punchable face? And are you an arrogant, rich, right wing bigot who thinks you should be afforded tolerance and respect while having nothing but bitterness, intolerance and hatred for your fellow man? Then confurvatives is the community for you!
For the love of God, PLEASE TROLL ASAP!
- The Love Song of J. Sprocket Fursuit
- FurreFace Furry Facebook (NEEDS TROLLING NOW!)
- DeviantArt
- Portal of Evil: Among other things, it shows the worst of furry pages
- furries before the internet circa 1963
- Furnies
- often shows the psychological implications of furries
- freakylynx
- Illlaw
- Zets_coony
- furry reaction to this page We are not joking about furries. You are the most fucked up bunch of basement dwellers that have ever existed in the history of forever. Stop ruining my childhood faggots.
- furries prepare for Furluminati takeover of federal government
- True Collector's Items
- San Francisco furries
- Furries: The other white meat :( there hideing?
- The Wuzzles
- FursuitTV Furries have their own channel now.
- BeastForum.com- The World's Largest Bestiality Board (requires trolling)
- Atimon raping The Lion King with porn and emoart
- Art gallery of an emo furry Coelhilth needs moar Trolls.
- nobleproductions.org - A site devoted to making custom fursuits and further degrading western society.
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Furry is part of a series on the cancer that is killing /b/. |
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Categories: 4chan | Subcultures | Furries | WikiEdit Drama | Sex
