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Matrix
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The Matrix is a name that refers to the following pieces of shit:
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[edit] "The Matrix" as a Shitty Mathematical Term
Before the crappy movies came out, the correct definition of the word "matrix" was "a rectangular arrangement of symbols in rows and columns, that may express quantities or operations." Itis used to build rockets or some other useless shit. WRONG FGT, a matrix is a vector of vectors.
[edit] "The Matrix" as a Series of Shitty Movies
The Matrix films, popular amongst nerds and generally the whole Hot Topic generation, spawned many stupid cults including paganism and group suicides. They have something to do with computers taking over the world, controlling people with a sort of matrixy-thing that is also a computer. Really the plot is lifted directly from the comic book, The Invisibles, which lifted all its ideas from Phillip K. Dick's VALIS, while the basic idea of the Matrix was stolen from L. Ron Hubbard, who made a much, much better alternative reality than the boring green tae-bo one the Wachowski transsexuals came up with, though in either one the dialogue is stilted.
An agent named Smith told Morpheus that there were six Matrices and they all kept getting better. This is ironic as there were only three which got worse:
The first film was where we saw that Neo was the one and could slow down time and shit like Max Payne only gayer. This convinced many goths and emo kids to wear leather jackets and get beaten up a lot. If only they had also learned to try jumping off buildings. Best scene? The one where two heroes wearing trench coats walk into a building and start offing everybody. The second film was just a void in time in which nothing actually happened and Morpheus waffled on about the One and constantly needed rescuing, despite his shades. The third film, however, actually made no sense and wasn't really a film but more of a sandwich within which the process was started where Neo would actually Divide by zero. Also there were some cartoons or something.
The ironic thing about this premise is that if the fictional programmers had only made sure that the computers enjoyed being subservient, like women, there would have been no problem. Thus, the true villains of The Matrix were shitty coders who don't properly flesh out their half-baked ideas. This is what you get for playing with open sores all the time. Damn you, Richard Stallman!
[edit] "The Matrix" as Two Shitty Video Games
After the second movie, Enter the Matrix was made by the machines to further the franchise revenues. A subpar, half made, incomplete, incoherent, graphically abominable game--BUT IT HAS TO DO WITH THE MATRIX!!1 Isn't it so FUCKING worth buying now?
After the third movie, just when you thought it was safe to say this franchise was dead, The Matrix Online was born to The Wachisowski Brothers, who then abandoned the newborn MMORPG in a trash can in Disneyland to be destroyed by foolish developers and akward and faulty coding. People still play it because they don't have the skillz to do well in a real MMO.
The Matrix: The Path of Neo, was released recently, but, in the canon of The Matrix Revolutions, was actually just a coded sandwich.
[edit] "The Matrix" as a Shitty Screensaver
Digital Rain is the name of a screensaver (see figure) popular with geeks, presumably because its use of green LCD characters makes them feel all old school inside. The Matrix is also the birthplace of a million stupid memes revolving around quotes such as "Mister Anderson...", "There is no spoon" and "I know kung fu!" Its main purpose is to peddle Buddhism and Gnosticism to teens. See also Morpheus.
[edit] "The Matrix" as a Plot to Enslave All of Humanity
[edit] Edited Scenes
The following video is a compilation of scenes which were edited because the producers feared that they would result in the audience laughing hysterically, and as a result being unable to follow the plot of the movie. Sadly for the producers, half the audience still ended up laughing hysterically, and the other half still failed to follow the plot.
[edit] Trinity
TYPE FASTER FUCK!!!
Trinity is a 13_year_old_boy who gets caught writing on LiveJournal by the PoLice. This pisses insurance salesmen off, so they chase her and try to smash her with a truck, which is what I would do if I wasn't busy fapping to her hawt pix.
She spends the majority of the three shitty movies being worthless, almost as if she were actually a woman. The Wachowski twats finally noticed this and decided that she was asking for it, so they released a bunch of squid robots, who impaled her, causing indescribable anguish to some blind Jew named Neo, and also cutting her highly productive life short. It is speculated that she died from excrutiating internal bleeding and robot rape. LOL.
It should be reiterated that anything involving Trinity is boring crap with a capital terrible. No one cares. That's why the admins in The Matrix permabanned that stupid cunt. Awesome!
[edit] See Also
- Neo - Our resident Matrix fanboy
- Keanu Reeves
- Matrix Ping Pong
