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Signs of the Times Australia / NZ edition — lifestyle, health, relationships, culture, spirituality, people — published since 1886 |
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Signs of the Times Australia / NZ edition — lifestyle, health, relationships, culture, spirituality, people — published since 1886 |
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Q: We don’t know what we’ve done to deserve our next door neighbours, although I think they resented us building on the block in front of theirs at the start. They always contest with abusive language and legal threats any addition or improvement we try to make to our property. Where do you find good neighbours? How do we make them good neighbours?
A: There are two ways of dealing with neighbour problems. First, good fences make good neighbours. If you can afford it, build a solid fence high to legal limit, dividing your property from theirs. This is quick and effective, because it cuts off inadvertent contact.
Second, negotiate. This is harder and takes longer, but it is ultimately more rewarding and permanent.
Here’s how to approach it: Look for or create an opportunity to talk with your neighbours. Acknowledge that you understand they have a problem with your building in front of them, but that it must have been apparent at the outset that someone eventually would.
Tell them this is now your permanent home and you have no plans to leave it. But explain that you want to live at peace and in harmony with them, that the issues will fade, and that you can live harmoniously.
Ask what they think you can do in the future to achieve this. Tell them how you think they can contribute too.
If your future plans could affect your neighbours, be prepared to share these with them.
Listen to their wishes, and make an effort to accommodate any reasonable objection or request—and ask them to give you the same courtesy.
Approach them in a humble and conciliatory spirit. Remember, arrogance is the enemy of all good relationships.
Be kind and firm without being stubborn. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). That quote is from the Bible, so there is truth to it.
Try to find ways of relating to your neighbours that take you beyond areas of major contention. Invite them to share with you in a mutual interest, to play a game, watch a video or exchange some gardening tips.
I hope that this will work. If not, there is always the fence.
Extract from Signs of the Times, October 2002.
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