Our mother and daughter agony aunts answer your questions Dear Vicki and Octavia, My husband and I have just bought our first flat, and my mother-in-law is determined she knows best about its décor. She is insisting on running up some curtains for us (I don't want curtains, especially not hers, which skimp on fabric) and has organised some 'bargain' carpet I also don't want. Help! Vicki When I was a young bride, one's décor lasted for decades. I'm afraid the 'bargain carpet' my late mother bought for five-year-old Octavia's bedroom is still shamingly on the floor, though I did finally replace the pink-frilled curtains her granny had run up once the boyfriend started coming for weekends. These days, thanks to Elle Deco et al, décor needs 'refreshing' twice a year. You must educate your ma-in-law about modern times. Show her the mags and explain modern minimalism (a) is essential and (b) can be done cleverly on the cheap. She may be afraid you'll bankrupt her son: soothe her Octavia Be gentle - she's trying. Start with how you don't need curtains as you've been poring over interiors magazines and found the blinds you've set your heart on (perhaps your mother is getting you them as an early birthday present). The carpet must match accordingly. Then ask her advice on things you've not yet decided. You don't have to take it, you just have to ask, and some of it might turn out to be OK anyway. Obviously, she'll never forgive you if you tell her to back off, but she'll forgive her son anything, so you could get him to do it Dear Vicki and Octavia, I have, reluctantly, agreed to be my sister-in-law's bridesmaid. The dress she wants me to buy is horrific, as well as ridiculously expensive. I resent having to bankrupt myself for something I will never wear again. Is there any way I can wangle my own choice of dress, or get out of it altogether? Vicki English weddings were a damn sight simpler before everyone got Hollywood ideas. My old Debrett's Etiquette and Modern Manners says the bride chooses 'the design, the material and the colour of bridesmaids' dresses', and the bridesmaids or their parents pay for the 'making-up'. ('Parents' is the key word. Nobody minds buying a bit of dressmaker's frou-frou for their toddler to have fun in, but I don't think Debrett's envisaged grown-up bridesmaids being sent to Bond Street for prêt-à-porter.) You have a choice: either succumb, or plead poverty and nag and argue until you get your way Octavia Ridiculously expensive is a relative term in weddings. Cruise-Holmes forked out £5 million, if the reports are true. I wonder if they bought the dresses? Regardless, £300 is not unusual for a bridesmaid's frock and, if I were asked to shell this out for lavender satin ruffles, I'd have words with the bride. You must be friends, after all, or you wouldn't be in this position. Why are you paying at all, in fact? The norm is that she does, if she gets to choose the horror you're wearing. It's an Americanism for you to pay - one I'd rather not adopt |
