WE WON!!!

Encyclopedia Dramatica won the 2nd Annual Mashable Open Web Awards for the wiki category. With your help and that of our Dark Lord and Master, we have defeated the menace that is Wikipedia! Thanks to everyone for voting in our favor and intimidating our enemies!

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

NOTE: This article is not by the book and does not conform with established blah blah blah. It is a loose cannon, and is expected to hand in its badge by the end of the day. Nor does it discuss any of the number of sexual positions possible with a piece of bedroom furniture. For that, see List of Sex Moves.

A Bureaucratic Fuck is a wiki guy or shemale who tries to keep things in order when those things do not inherently tend toward order (for example, the entirety of the known universe). Females cannot be bureaucratic fucks. They can, however, be bitches. As ED believes in gender equality they will be included on this page as well.

An excellent place to observe bureaucratic fucks without actually having to follow their orders is Wikipedia. Watch as they oppress the masses with their petty rules and stultifying, meaningless protocols. The king of the Bureaucratic Fucks is the Supreme Overlord of Wikipedia, Jimbo Wales. It is in him that all Wikipedians find their true calling. All hail, Lord of the NPOV! HEIL! HEIL! Srsly.

Wikipedia is a top-10 destination on the internets and ends up in the top 10 of way too many Google searches. In the real world, some degree of responsibility and accountability would be demanded of such a massive organization (like Enron -- there has to be someone to sue!). Unfortunately, not so in the case of the Wikipedos.

The admins

The average age of a Wikipedia admin is 17. WTF? And that, buddy, is skewed upwards by the presence of a handful of degenerates whose only social outlet is their band of fellow children. Yes, one of the world's largest Internet communities is run by cliquey kids! As one would expect, leaving day-to-day operations to a bunch of greasy-palmed kids is a recipe for full-scale faggotry. Imagine the biggest losers and social misfits from high school -- the hormonal angst, the zit cases, the dateless geeks, the fatties and dorks -- and ponder their collective teeny-angst and anger. Now give them the power to run a massive online community and create their own governance with no oversight. When even nominal editing on Wikipedia results in user flame wars that bring in heavy-handed "administrator" attention, the question potential wiki-users should ask themselves is, Do I really want my knowledge, even my person, to be judged, juried, and executed by Piggy, Roger and Jack with his choirboys? (That's a Lord of the Flies reference. Look it up. Or watch the movie, which was pretty cool, too.)

The Wikimedia Foundation is just peachy with this jacked-up state of affairs, going so far as to brag about it. As John Seigenthaler found out, they believe themselves immune to legal threats. As a non-profit, they have no assets (although Jimmy Wales has a collection of sports cars). While they claim immunity as an "Internet Host", some would argue that the foundation's structure makes them liable as publishers. The next step would be to pass the buck to their contributors and operations, who are suit-immune minors or anonymous.

Bureaucratic fucks? In my ED?

ED is not TOW, although new users often expect strange and alien TOW concepts like respect natural justice, and human rights when they get here. While on TOW these mechanisms are in place to ensure fairness and equity, on ED they exist largely to foster such abuse, generating further lulz at the expense of hapless victims, including locking their talk pages after banning them. To further assist in milking the lolcow, ED:ARBCHAT was created. Some poor fools would like to think this is their ticket to salvation and a return to the loving embrace of the greater ED community, but really it is just another heartbreakingly macabre circus ring for the cadaverous and hideous net-denizens that tyrannically rule ED to lighten their unbeating and blackened hearts with drama, like an ocean trying to warm itself around a candle. And you love it.

For an example of all this in action, see this transcript of a shocking, Stalinesque arbchat show trial, conducted purely for purposes of propaganda, persecution of class enemies, and lulz. Or just shrug it off as tl;dr and skip below to some much lulzier profiles of the bureaucratic fucktards over at Wikipedantry.

Bureaucratic Fucks IRL

Finding Bureaucratic Fucks IRL is not difficult. In fact, you may be near several bureaucratic fucks right now and not know it! But they're probably nothing to do with TOW.

Places to find Bureaucratic Fucks IRL include:

• Homeowner Associations / Condo Associations.
• PTA Meetings.
• Any office building.

Roll call

172

172 is one of Wikipedia's oldest users, and one of its most abusive and petulant. [1] Although he is described as a "history professor at a U.S. undergraduate institution" by the Miami Herald [2], 172 is far from nonpartisan and unbiased. Claiming to be a "stone cold-neocon" on his user page, 172 pushes his agenda through a protective phalanx of administrators and other abusive editors. However, his independent influence may be overstated. For example, he has been described as a mere "ass puppet." [3] Also see this.

172 is also a charter member of the Wikipedia Jewish cabal.

Alison

Alison (formerly Ali-oops and Pcassidy) is an Irish administrator living in California[4]. On TOW, she is checkuser with nearly unlimited oversight powah, and is the only female one who wasn't born with male equipment! Because of this, MONGO hates her and insults her for having more balls than him.

A long term member of Phaedriel's love bombing cabal, she climbed the wikiladder pretty quickly during 2007 because she continuously begged other administrators to protect her from stalkers like Amorrow, despite her being a camwhore who posted her own nude pics on her website cooties.eu. When not editing directly, she enjoys chatting on IRC about suicide and self-harming with her imaginary friends Miranda, Eliz and Kyoko.

IRL, Alison is everyone's favorite bisexual Irish redhead with mental problems and an addiction to mood-altering tablets, which she pops like smarties. She's a self-admitted geek, nerd, Apple user and Unreal Tournament fan like DerHexer, and lives with her loli children.

Alison is a regular contributor to Wikipedia Review and has an avatar of a woman in rubber gloves. But this woman is not Alison! Whose identity has she stolen and does this poor woman know? What's Alison's excuse? Shift the blame to someone else! "Duh! It's a stock image - go ask Somey :)"

Alison is currently purging her Internet history after Daniel Brandt tried to sell her dox to the highest bidder [5].

After Brandt gave out her dox, Amorrow is now busily stalking her. Amorrow will drive to the city where she lives and visits her place of employment and then he goes to a public library or i-cafe and post from that IP to say to her "hey, I am in the same city as you." [6] [7] In response, she has been removing mention of him on Wikipedia. (WR thread) Here is a quote by Alison about the Amorrow situation. As we'd hope, it contains much lulz:

“	I'm not posting that here, or there. It's a police matter, it's ongoing, and you know it. It involves an ex-member of WP and WR, Daniel Brandt's doings regarding me, and said ex-member subsequently showing up repeatedly at my workplace. Pmail me if you really want to know the rest but I refuse to discuss it publicly in deference to my privacy and that of others. From a livelihood perspective, I'm still dealing with the matter at a corporate level. 'nuff said	„
—Alison ❤ 06:38, 17 July 2008 (UTC), [8]

As of late, Allie and friends are waging a terrible war against Grawp.

For the reason why the server crashed, see NawlinWiki.

In October, 2008, Daniel Brandt added Alison back to his Hivemind page for being a troll. He had been snooping on ED for her dox when his computer was pwnt by a spyware infection. Tragically, Alison got the blame;

“	You were born with troll blood. Once a troll, always a troll. You can't help it. On Star Trek, they plant a beacon when they come across an evil force, so that travelers will be warned. It's the responsible thing to do. That's why you are on hivemind — it's a beacon for future surfers.	„
—Daniel Brandt, [9]

• Allie's personal Web site (She's a checkuser on Wikipedia, so it's recommended you use a proxy when visiting this site.)
• Personal info. on Hivemind

Note: this is an article about an Encyclopedia Dramatica user. For more information, please see the appropriate user page. To leave this user a message, please visit User_Talk:Alliecat.

Bastique

Bastique/Cary Bass is an administrator and the Volunteer coordinator at the Wikimedia Foundation. He is the replacement for the disgraced Danny Wool at WP:OFFICE. Also noted as an apologist for SlimVirgin sockpuppetry, when trying to explain her multi-day editing binges he said:

Back in my old days...2000 and before, I found crystal methamphetamine could keep me online for periods 24 hours and longer...sometimes wayyyy longer. Just saying, it doesn't have to be multiple people. Bastique▼^parler _voir 03:27, 8 September 2006 (UTC) [10]

He is also connected with the "Southeast Conference of Clubs, a self-selected association of members of "alternative lifestyles, including Levi/Leather, BDSM, Fetish and Bear interests." Furries need not apply.

Blnguyen

Always fun to see an admin reverting an obvious grammar fix like it's vandalism. [11] He does this a lot.

Known to team up with other admins to take down other users, only to turn on them. ([12])

Can't sleep, clown will eat me

De-sysopped for blocking users without contacting them or leaving a note on their talk page afterwards. Odd. Doesn't Wikipedia realize that all administrators do that all the time?

Dmcdevit

Dmcdevit is a 19-year-old former arbitrator and current checkuser who talks on-wiki in the dully dulcet tones of a 45-year-old hippie burnout transcendental meditation counselor—but schemes behind everyone's back like a fat 8th grade girl with no friends. He is at the center of the recent TOW—genius!—discovery that admins are mean, bored, and conspire to fuck people over on the TOW admin IRC channel. No names were named until...McDevit failed to cut himself out of an arbcom case involving Irpen, and another admin said: "I saw a sitting arbitrator (User:Dmcdevit) and a few highly respected admins discussing the way to get rid of a productive user (Irpen) via a 'slow administrative process that looked like arbcom to them'."[13] McDevit is lying low now, hoping it will blow over, and would appreciate your assistance in smearing further shit on his newly shitty reputation, plus as much bad publicity as possible.[14] He also likes to let disputes escalate for the fun of it,[15][16] but the arbcom doesn't sanction their buddies.

Ed Poor

"Uncle Ed" is perhaps the best example of a bureaucratic fuck. He does everything by the book. Ed Poor works for ABC and has been quite clear that he does not want people to mention this, as ABC might find out that he is a Wikipedia-editing Moonie. Ed Poor likes to ban people for things like asking for their talk page to be unprotected. He is a disgraced ex-administrator on Wikipedia; however, he still holds sysops on Conservapedia. His main claim to fame during his tenure as a TOW admin and bureaucrat was deleting the VFD page on Wikipedia, and crashing the server for fifteen minutes. His abuse got so bad that a true hero, FuelWagon, became a martyr and sacrificed himself to stop Ed Poor. This led to a big session of Arbcom (Wikipedia's e-court, complete with a totalitarian-chic name). Arbcom, of course, decided that they should ban FuelWagon. However, the case drew lots of attention and Ed Poor pretended to step down out of embarrassment (some wrongly think he was desysopped, but it was by choice). However, being a sneak and addict, he never really stepped down, simply continuing with another account. In July 2008, Ed Poor unsuccessfully attempted to regain his adminship powers at TOW.

Ed Poor upon learning Harry Potter 7 spoilers, "I would NOT have wanted to know any of the points you mentioned before reading Year 7. Bad enough I found out that Snape kills Dumbledore before reading Year 6."

Jeffrey O. Gustafson

Jeffrey O. Gustafson is an idiotic Wikipedo, and a self-appointed[17] and arbcom-confirmed [18] rouge admin. His dearest possession is his redlink[19] (and he goes as far as blocking administrators for touching it). He was an administrator who liked to play around with his tools and thought he could get away with it. He'd ban, delete, and protect things at random like a madman. He'd offer no explanation, except for a hint by how a big colorful SHAZAAM! was in all of his signatures.

Then one day a nobody went, bypassed all dispute resolution, went straight to arbcom and complained over some silly matter. Ordinarily arbcom would have banned the nobody who complained, however ArbCom couldn't resist a joke....

He is from Pluto, and his customary practices include deleting his talk page to say that he has read and ignored all messages,[20] edit warring over trivial things because he is paranoid and doesn't want anyone to see his name anywhere in any list on any site,[21], etc. He thinks he knows a lot about speedy deletion policies,[22] but in reality he hasn't even read G12.[23] He also likes sockpuppets

JoshuaZ

JoshuaZ is a Wikipedia-obsessed aspie college student who hails from the urban wasteland of New Haven, Connecticut. He was once an administrator on Wikipedia before resigning in a futile effort to save face. A self-professed "process wonk," Joshua was a noxious presence on numerous AFD and Policy debates. Apparently, he decided that the rules barring ballot stuffing sock puppets didn't apply to him. Now he has joined the ranks of disgraced ex-admins such as Jtkiefer and Runcorn who abused sock puppets and got fired for it. Unlike Runcorn, JoshuaZ didn't get banned for his sins.

His super secret sock account Gothnic was discovered by Jaranda and it all went to hell from there.

Holy shit, it's McLovin from Superbad!

• JoshuaZ's Wikipedia user page.
• Wikipedia Review enjoy mocking him
• Josh at the Hivemind
• drop him an email @ zelinsky@gmail.com

Krimpet

Note: this is an article about an Encyclopedia Dramatica user. For more information, please see the appropriate user page. To leave this user a message, please visit User_Talk:Krimpet.

Krimpet is a female HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS admin on TOW, who is also a sysop at the Wikimedia Commons. She's a nerdy girl, being an undergraduate in computer science. Since men and women are not as different as you might think, we can still laugh at her. It was recently revealed that she is a male-to-female transexual, which came as little surprise to most, this being Wikipedia.

Krimpet enjoys tying, bonding, and gagging young heterosexual girls like Kristen Eriksen.

Like Sceptre, she is rather immature as she believes that insulting the vandals is the best way to tackle Grawp and co., despite this being contrary to what other Wikipedians suggest. This was proven at the Wikimedia Test Wiki, where she renamed his accounts to suggest Grawp was a loser after he'd revealed her dox but was kind enough to spare of the most crucial information from being made public. Her pathetic attacks against Grawp fell on deaf ears, however, as Grawp is a freedom fighter rather like V, whose idea cannot be destroyed.

She also wormed her way into the Bedford controversy, by suggesting that his DYK hook was 'offensive' to female editors. She was just one of a few female editors who experienced butthurt over something very, very trivial and inoffensive to anyone who isn't a batshit crazy feminazi. Although she has been often described as vigilant but quick to make mistakes, she rooted out a recent sockpuppet correctly for once.

Some have suggested that Krimpet was actually a sockpuppet right from the start. Despite the fact that she only began editing in January 2007, her deletionist tendencies and broad knowledge of the Wikipedia Policies and Guidelines were clearly apparent in her first edit, as if without warning a female doppelganger of Sceptre had appeared from nowhere on the other side of the pond. She had her RfA only a few months later, and totally succeeded.

Her dox were originally put forward by Daniel Brandt on his Hivemind page, as noted by the Wikipedia Review. See here for her his dox on Hivemind, for the Wikipedia Review thread is only visible for members.

She has continued her batshit crazy feminazi antics by not allowing heterosexual male Wikipedians to state which color of hair they prefer women to have, and the Wikipedos all agreed with her, despite the fact that they encourage LGBT and alternative sexual orientation userboxes everywhere, because they're more politically correct. Go on, Bedford, my son, fight that feminazi. See also a Wikipedia Review thread about this and her bitching.

Lar

Lar (Larry Pieniazek) is the ultimate Wikipedian. He has power in every Wiki known to man, but he is so nice and friendly that nobody has noticed. He self-describes on Wikipedia Review as "The Infuriatingly Bland One". This makes him very dangerous. He is also obsessed with Lego and toy trains. He has been known to hide behind Tony the Tiger.

Mikkalai

The wikipedian Mikkalai is a bureaucratic fuck. He also tried to claim his penis was thirty inches long.

He is a pathological liar. During the ED VFD process, he claimed that he loved Wikipedia and loved humor, a combination which is not only scientifically impossible but also fucking ludicrous. OMG WTF?

Later, he listed an article that had survived two votes for deletion (VfDs) and voted to delete it, even though it had survived twice before. He likes the policy allowing endless VfDs, but not the one against attaching one VFD to two or more different articles.

Misterdiscreet

A classic example of a deletionist. He takes pride in nominating articles for deletion and constantly patrols the recent changes log (oddly enough, he never reverts vandalism). He believes that a source that isn't a major news organization such as CNN or NBC should be disregarded and that any statement that is not backed up by said organizations should not be on Wikipedia. [24].

Raul654

Raul654 (real name Mark Pelligrini) is the fellow who gave himself a 3-year term as head of the Wikipedia arbitration committee, despite being supported by less than half of editors;—even Jimbo himself has acknowledged, "Raul is a bit uptight". Raul654 is often referred to jovially as 'Fat Mark'. This is because he is overweight and his name is Mark. In fact, those who know him in real life say he's a really, really fat fuck.

“	He's really, really overweight. Like 140 pounds of excess flub, sources have told me. Imagine devouring ten bowling balls and not ever passing them out of your system. Just carrying those ten bowling balls around with you, every single day of your life. Really, think about that. It's actually astounding that he's not even more angry and haphazard with his personal attacks.	„
—Gregory Kohs at the Wikipedia Review

The #wikipedia chat log searcher shows that he's said:

Wikipedia has a disproportionately large number of gays, transgendered, and furries. The reason for this has yet to be satisfactorily explained, although it has been suggested by NullC that "all new mediums are first explored by the minorities and the marginalized". -- Raul's 8th law

Raul has displayed a disturbing predilection for Pokémon, frequently promoting their articles to featured status and presenting them on the main page. Sick. Still the above quote is admirable as it means that at least one of the Wikipedia admins has some sanity in discriminating against these fucking queers.

His re-election bid failed, and he know how time to look up some delicious CP.

Raul also blocked the entire state of Michigan of AT&T Worldnet from editing for a year! [25] He claim it's to stop Jon Awbrey like he's a big threat, though Raul and others have also done similar stuff to Blu Aardvark's IP ranges and Ryulong has done stuff like that, too.

Raul has also blocked till March 2009 an entire ISP in the UK because of one user. And many people have complained to him but the only response he gives is that it won't effect people with login accounts, ignoring the fact that this block stops anyone using this ISP from making an account.

Lately, Raul has taken up a bizarre and twisted love of lolcat. He has a sock puppet account called “Ceiling Cat,” and taking a look at the faggotry on that account’s talk page is enough to make any reasonable person cringe.

He needs to live in a place where having a Dynamic IP is the norm so he can know what it feels like to be at school and being kept behind because one person did something wrong, except in this case the class would be over 1000 people.

Redwolf24

Redwolf24 is a bureaucratic fuck who independently bans users for arguing with him. He once ran for bureaucrat, but was fucked by the community. This is because he is a bureaucratic fuck. Amazingly, not even Wikipedia was enough for Redwolf24 to satisfy the needs of his bureaucratic e-penis, so he had to create an account on Uncyclopedia purely for the purpose of further whining and bitching about this website. No srsly, you won't believe this shit!

Samuel Banning

Much feared admin on TOW, an aspie with no sense of humor and a self-righteous hatred of the lulz. Soldier in the ED and GNAA article wars. Known for blocking without (much) justification, especially schools' IP ranges; his user page has been vandalized more than 100 times. He deleted the Wikipedia article on Bantown because they were 'A bunch of nerds too queer even for Wikipedia'. Quit Wikipedia forever in June 2007, after being butthurt by too many userpage blankings and defacings.

SchuminWeb

Scientologist administrator [26]

Uncle G

Uncle G is a Wikipedia administrator who has been around for at least 100 weeks. He is notable because even though he is an administrator, he has no user page, in fact refusing to create one. This pissed off a bunch of people when he nominated himself for consideration as administrator, resulting in great lulz in the voting process.

VERY strongly oppose. Clearly Uncle G doesn't accept community consensus, because he still refuses to create a userpage. To me, the arrogance of not listening to the community is worse than not having a userpage. And, in turn, it's not the lack of a userpage that bothers me as much as the red link and its implications on Recent Changes, votes, polls, and other such things. It's disruptive and it wastes everyone's time. We're here to build an encylopedia and be part of a wiki community, not to make an ideological point. If Uncle G simply redirects his userpage to his user talk page, then I would support.

Oppose. It's fine for editors to contribute without a user page, but it's not fine for admins. It rather seems like a policeman or any other official insisting on performing the job without wearing a uniform to identify himself properly. Uncle G needs neither user page nor adminship to continue his great work.

[27] A butthurt Uncle G bleated in response that "it is a false inference that anonymity implies bad faith, on the grounds that anonymous users make thousands of good faith edits to Wikipedia every day." Considering the hilarious anonymous vandalism that Uncle G's userpage has gotten, this was an extremely lulzy comment.[28][29] [30][31]

Unkle's first administrator nomination resulted in a stalemate because the vote-counters couldn't make up their minds, resulting in a second vote, which Unkle won, Florida-style.[32]

Græt lulz-generating drama later resulted when Uncle G unilaterally handed down from Mount Sinai, amid thunder and lightning, a manifesto on notability.[33] Uncle G claims that in order to be notable, something must be "non-trivial", a truly lulzy statement considering that 99% of Wikipedia is crap about video games, pedophilia, anime, and sex positions.

Unkle's pronouncement was promptly listed by some troll for deletion, who then suddenly realized that a user-page essay was not the usual Wikicrap to be mercilessly deleted. [34]

Trolls cruelly struck a second time, putting Unkle up on Requests for comment [35] because of that annoying userpage thing. This time, the troll was the one who got butthurt.

See also

• Wikipedia Admin Gallery
• Milgram experiment
• List of heterosexual Wikipedia admins

External Links

• Daniel Brandt's list of Wikipedia hivemind components
• A Vee-Ef-Dee edit where he proudly proclaims himself a "bureaucratic fuck."
• Wikitruth.info's articles on this topic

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