5 Ways to be a better Dad in 2009

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December 30, 1:10 PM

by David Chartier, LA Dad Examiner

Be a better dad.

1. Know Your Priorities - this is a friendly reminder to myself actually, because it is all too easy for daily duties to take over your life and to lose track of what is really important. I cannot say how important it is to allot quality time with your wife, with each of your kids and most importantly for yourself.
   • Spend Time With Your Kid - chances are you work full time, that means more than half your life is dedicated to earning that paycheck. What I try to do is spend a second in the driveway, when I get home at the end of the day and jot down some notes (work related stuff) so I don’t forget and once I enter the house, I have left work behind me and I can be there for my wife and my kids.
   • Take Your Wife On A Date - Since we’ve been married we always have a date night (usually Friday night). Sometimes it’s just a trip to the Promenade or the Grove and sometimes it’s a bigger affair but it allows us to connect and that is priceless. Things get mighty busy when kids become part of the mix, date night is just an opportunity to have some quality time.
   • Keep In Touch With Friends And Family - a lot of us lose touch when baby enters the picture. There is a positive impact on your family and kids, when you show them (through practice) the importance of maintaining solid friendships.
2. Lead By Example - Sometimes that means admitting you’re wrong or simply saying “sorry” and sometimes that means telling them you don’t know all the answers. You are the one that is going to imbue your children with life’s basic lessons, and set them on the path to being good moral adults (at least that’s the goal).
3. Allow Yourself To Be A Better Man And A Better Dad - If you want to raise truly exceptional kids, allow yourself to become a better person. It is that simple. Most of us parent as we were parented, not really thinking there is another way to do it, but there is. Take a parenting workshop. Read a book on parenting or child development, you may not agree with every theory but at least you can take comfort in knowing you are acting as a more "informed" parent (or trying anyway).
   
4. Do Not Hit Your Kid - Don’t spank them. Do not cuff them, shove them, shake them or otherwise cause them physical harm. Don’t verbally abuse them, just don’t do it. It may seem to be an effective temporary fix for a given situation but it is very damaging long term. It makes no difference whatsoever if you were spanked as a kid.
   
   Recent scientific studies show kids who are physically and/or verbally abused will be more inclined to have anger and anxiety issues, low self-esteem, eating disorders and sexual problems as adults. Learn to discipline with love. All children need guidance and limitations, not with corporal punishment, rather by setting reasonable limits and supporting positive behavior.
5. Learn To Listen And You Will Be Heard - being an active listener is a skill. We all need to be reminded of this on a daily basis. When your wife or kids are talking to you you need to quiet your mind, be patient and let them have their word. If you can do this the prize (with time) is they may do the same and that is a wonderful thing.
   

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