Hot Topic
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Hot Topic, also known as Hot Pocket, it was started in 1988 by Orv Madden, and has spread like AIDS in the late 90's thanks to the rise of the emo, punk, and goth subcultures among America's teens, and now has sprouted to over 9000 locations. Hot Topic[1] provides clothing, accessories, and novelty items to America's goths, punk and emo subcultures. From band merchandise and overpriced "gothic" and punk clothes to Care Bears and other 80's faggotry. Hot Topic has set the modern fashion standards for the above mentioned douchebags. Everything in the fucking store is overpriced. Like paying $25 for a fucking WALLET.
Hot Topic is on the NASDAQ, under the ticker HOTT.
Cool things about shopping at Hot Topic include being seen around other gay little Marilyn Mansonites thus making you cool, paying upwards of $50 for a pair of pants that will completely fall apart within a few months of normal wear, buying patented "finger armor" (to put on your fingers before you dare to explore your nasty goth girlfriend's cavernous vagina), telling your friends how dark and mysterious you are for going there to buy Johnny The Homicidal Maniac comics, and eventually, coming to sneer at the place you used to love so much because they've "sold out" and are now catering to emos as well as goths.
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[edit] How to Find a Hot Topic
Hot Topic can be identified up close by its large black circular entrance with retarded spiderweb-reminiscent iron webbing and small display of novelty t-shirts in two windows located adjacent on either side. However, from a distance, the store usually can be identified by emo, punk, goth or fag metal music playing at high volume and the putrid smell of incense. Music varies from location to location, depending on the musical preferences of the store's clerks, as well as the season in which the store is visited (example: fag metal is played in the summer, but is only allowed to be played certain times during the fall, winter, and spring - "the School Year" for all the kids who shop there). Tara Gilesbie travels to the United States daily to shop at Hot Topic.
It should also so be noted that Hot Topic is the easiest store to shoplift in the entire mall, or even in the entire world. All you need to do is walk in, grab something, and stroll out. The sensors (if they even bother putting them there) don't do anything and the employees act like they're watching out for thieves but are just sitting around asking random customers if they need help finding something and that they're all out of Korn t-shirts. But why would you even want to steal something from such a store that you find to be a black mark against the fashion industry, regardless you'll totally look badass to your friends because you stole a NES controller pin from the store and that you're such a rebel and the man can't touch you? After all, the main highway to taking down the machine is followed by pilfering small items from stores that you claim to support. Then again, you can always do it for the lulz.
[edit] Marketing Skills
In an example of life coming full circle, Hot Topic has taken steps toward eliminating fat girls - once a dominating force in whimpering music subcultures - from their locations, though they still sell plus-size gothic lolita clothing (which is horrifying). They have begun opening a chain of stores, called Torrid (a.k.a. Fat Topic), that provide fat girls a place to purchase clothing that is decidedly less "hot topic". These stores are normally located on separate floors to help keep the fat girls from accidentally wandering into Hot Topic. Any Torrid is hopefully kept at ground or better basement level to keep the building from caving in. Also fat girls get too sweaty from taking the escalator.
[edit] Crappy made Clothing
All of the clothes that Hot Topic makes is from chinks who know nothing of the "Don't Tell Me" Culture. All clothing articles usually fall apart within less than 100 seconds of purchase. When you actually put on the clothes at home, the black loses its sheen, the bottom seven inches of the pant legs fray and rip themselves off, the seams on your ass and crotch tear open, the chains rust and all the neon green paint on them chips off, and you look like a fucking EMO bastard drinking coffee at an old coffee shop while on the computer talking with AIM, lulzing it up.
[edit] Hot Topic Backlash
On the internet, Hot Topic has become the equivalent of a racial slur to be hurled by emo white chicks at each other to diss their punk credibility. Example: "I'll kick your Hot Topic ass." (not to be confused with "I used to shop at Hot topic and buy all my clothes there, but now that over 9000 million other people shop there as well, I think it's gay and I think YOU'RE gay for going there.") This can greatly damage the rep of an emo chick and can only be reversed by listing at least three obscure bands that no one else has heard of (little-known bands like Fallout Boy, My Chemical Romance, or Panic At The Disco fit this category nicely), or by quoting Less Than Jake lyrics.
Hot Topic is Not Punk Rock
Making the video series My Immortal was not punk rock. However, doing it for the lulz is punk rock.
NOTE: even thought he may be right, MC Lars is faggot and he's not punk either. Srsly, go listen to The Minutemen.
[edit] Hot topic is NOT METAL
KEEP PUNK ALIVE, PUNCH THE FUCK OUT OF A SCENEFAG FOR GREAT JUSTICE TODAY.
[edit] Hot topic is not 'goffik'
Wearing black doesn't make you a goth, smartass. Actually, it does. But nothing from Hot Topic will ever make you goth. Wearing anything from Hot Topic makes you ghey, because all real goths order their clothes from some shit website (which is why all their pants are 6 sizes too tight). Hot Topic has one kind of pants; Shit, which are baggy and only worn by poser Goth-wiggers. If you see anyone wearing anything from there, please do your civic duty to rape them with a rake.
[edit] Hot topic is not t3h ub3r 1337 h4x
kind of like an irl 4chan /b/, hot topic is now catering to the newfag population of america. selling overpriced shitty merchandise based off of old memes, such as chuck norris, all your base, domo-kun, the cake is a lie, and other well respected pieces of internet culture. its helpful to know that as of September, 2008, they have taken their marketing schemes to a whole new level, as now you can stroll on down to the store and pick up a nice V for Vendetta mask for 8 dollars. Henceforth, preteens now run around their local mall under the delusion that they are anonymous, when it's obvious they're just a bunch of scene fags who are losing the game.
[edit] See Also
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Hot Topic is part of a series on Music |
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