Metal Gear Solid
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Metal Gear Solid is a series of stealth games that have spawned sequels, drama and plenty of manly tears. The main objective of the game is to hide around corners until oddly incompetent guards look the opposite direction, all amid a convoluted plot involving nuclear weapons, nanotechnology, war, and government conspiracy. For a similar IRL thrill, hide in alleyways looking for women to rape.
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[edit] The Games
Like any Japanese game that is commercially successful in the U.S., Metal Gear Solid had spawned a massive cult-following that believes the series to be perfect, even during massive backtracking just to change the temperature of a fucking keycard. Despite having more plot twists and cliches than a Steven Seagal movie, by video game standards, the story gains kudos for being fairly deep and meaningful. The series is the brainchild of Hideo Kojima, who is arguably the biggest troll in video game history.
[edit] Metal Gear and Metal Gear 2
Unless you were one of the 20 people who actually owned an MSX2, these games need not concern you. You could just read the plot summary of these games that comes with MGS1, or alternately, you could download them. HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT IT'S AVAILABLE IN MGS3: SUBSISTENCE
Metal Gear: Solid Snake must infiltrate a secret facility inhabited by an elite terrorist group and destroy the ultimate weapon: Metal Gear. After he succeeds we learn the true identity of their leader, it's really Big Boss.
Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake must infiltrate a secret facility inhabited by an elite terrorist group and destroy the ultimate weapon: Metal Gear. After he succeeds we learn the true identity of their leader, it's really Big Boss.
[edit] 'Metal Gear Solid
The game revolves around our GAR hero Solid Snake, who must take down his brother Liquid before he uses a Metal Gear to launch a nuke. It is somehow a shock that Liquid has a Metal Gear, despite "Metal Gear" being in the title of the game. Clearly, the Japanese have out American-ed the Americans in thinking up shitty plots.
Snake is supported by Meryl Silverburgh, a barely legal soldier whose ass is an important plot point, and Otacon (moar liek Shotacon, amirite?), a weeaboo who built Metal Gear because he always dreamed of creating an anime-inspired mecha. Yes, really. Snake later meets his old friend Gray Fox, who begs Snake to punch him and kick him as he screams in ecstasy for more. Seriously.
Snake goes on to defeat the members of FOXHOUND, all of whom spout cod-philosophy from people that take longer to die than Willem Dafoe in Platoon, In a roughly ten-minute period, Snake discovers that Master Miller is dead, Liquid Snake is impersonating him, Snake is actually a clone of Big Boss and has been infected with FoxDie, and that Naomi Hunter is Gray Fox's adoptive sister. You find all this out through CODEC, which have no emotion or drama.
Metal Gear is destroyed and Liquid is defeated in a topless fistfight on top of a robot, before he finally succumbs to FoxDie. If the player survived the torture segment mid-game, Snake rides off into the sunset with Meryl for a week of hot Alaskan sex. If the player failed, however, he is punished with a sequence of awkward, semi-romantic banter between Snake and Otacon as they too ride off together.
| —Otacon to Snake, in a romantic scene. |
[edit] Metal Gear Solid 2
Snake has thrown away life with Meryl to live and travel the world with Otacon, destroying Metal Gears along the way. Perhaps the most hyped game of the series, MGS fans looked forward to a new game with their manly hero. About an hour into the game, however, Snake is replaced with the kawaii, sexually ambiguous protagonist known as Raiden. The fact that Raiden's presence was a secret until the game's release only served to make the Sony fanboy tears all the more delicious. The fanboys were too retarded to see that Hideo Kojima was actually performing the most epic troll in video game history, and actually thought this game was serious business and demanded answers to all of the deep questions, like what the fuck is up with that Revolver fag's Eurotrash arm? Since there are a lot of these retards that wouldn't shut the fuck up about these things for SEVEN FUCKING YEARS, Kojima finally caved in and pulled some uninspired nonsense out of his ass (see Metal Gear Solid 4 below).
[edit] Metal Gear Solid 3
The game that made /v/ both mature slightly and realize its raging homosexuality. The game stars a young Big Boss, who is perhaps the most manly video game character in history, and whom /v/ has a massive mancrush on. The plot and characters, despite being wafer-thin parodies of every Bond movie, are far easier to choke down than previous MGS installations. This is because Hideo Kojima did not want to even attempt to make sense of Metal Gear Solid 2, so he got in a fucking time machine to get the fuck away from that thing. The Fury, a member of the redshirt Cobra Unit, is one of 7chan's mascots.
What if...
[edit] Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Snake is only in this game because his creator sucked Masahiro Sakurai's cock for it. Meanwhile, Snake attempts to get in Samus's pants but fails because he can't make a fucking pickup line that actually makes sense to save his life. Samus does not approve. Oh yeah he also hates that blue furry hedgehog faggot.
[edit] Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops
Metal Gear Solid for the PSP. It pretty much goes without saying that noone has played this game, ever.
[edit] Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots
So Snake is now an old fuck, this is due to the fact that the people who cloned him were huge trolls and decided to shorten his lifespan by half. Liquid Ocelot tries to obtain this shit called Guns of the Patriots (coincidentally, it is part of the game's title), and locks every gun in the world. A nigger named Drebin who is voiced by the worst actor ever sells you guns and tells you hour-long stories about shit you don't care about. After three acts, Snake finally realizes he needs to gb2 MGS1 to make sure that Liquid doesn't get a hold of a railgun attached to Metal Gear REX. Of course, this would end the game too early, so they're too late. In the end, they duke it out with fucking Snake in REX and Liquid in RAY and holy shit it's fucking amazing but Snake fucking loses and Liquid dies from FOXDIE. Just kidding, he was just pretending to be dead to screw with Snake, he just runs away to Metal Gear MT. SNAKEMORE with Snake limping after him. Raiden cuts his arms off, and dies holding back Metal Gear from crushing Snake. Then Snake uses a catapult to go into the Metal Gear, fights Psycho Mantis' ghost, goes through a 100-foot-long microwave oven, has a fistfight with Liquid on the top of MT. SNAKEMORE and ends up killing Liquid who was actually Ocelot pretending to be Liquid through extensive use of drugs and autohypnosis. Snake goes to the cemetery where Big Boss's grave is knowing his war is over, and kills himself to stop the FOXDIE inside of him from becoming an epidemic. It is one of the most emotional and dramatic scenes in video game history. Meryl gets married to Johnny, Raiden is actually alive with all of his limbs intact, has a son, Drebin is actually a Patriot agent, and Snake takes the gun out of his mouth at the last second with Big Boss showing up and explaining everything ever to him. Then he lives with Otafag for some more long damn time with Otacon's bondage bitch Sunny.
[edit] Metal Gear Touch
Most Xboxfags thought MGS4 was going to be ported to Xbox 360 due to people theorizing about the trailer, BUT NOPE HAHA ITS ACTUALLY A NEW GAME FOR THE FUCKING SHITTY iPHONE FAGGOTS.
[edit] Gameplay
[edit] Metal Gear Awesome
Metal Gear Awesome is perhaps the best summary of MGS1's plot and gameplay, but has since been baleeted from YouTube. Made by Egoraptor (the embodiment of everything that is wrong with Newgrounds). If you can bear the faggotry that is Newgrounds, click below:
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Metal Gear Solid is part of a series on Gaming. |
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