Seattle

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What Seattle looks like.
What Seattle looks like.
What we wish Seattle looked like.
What we wish Seattle looked like.

Livejournal was started in Seattle while Brad Fitzpatrick attended the UW. Because of this Seattle has a disproportionately large representation among the users, employees and founding members. Lots of drama starts in Seattle and gets a lot of attention by being close to the comitatus IRL.

Seattle is famous for Grey's Anatomy, rain, hippies, emos, azns, suicide rate, and for its love of coffee.

Contents

[edit] Seattle Ppl

The number one (Bill Gates) and number three nineteen (Paul Allen) of the world's richest and evil people live in Seattle. This pales in importance to the fact that Jimi Hendrix and Bruce Lee are from Seattle. Both of which are dead, and only Seattle still cares. In Japan, Seattle is famous for being the home of Ichiro Suzuki, a baseball player who is some kind of samurai in Japan. He has a crazy batting stance and the ability to instantly make Japanese girls squeal themselves moist at the thought of him shitting in their mouths. Thousands and thousands of Japanese tourists come to Seattle every summer and go see Ichiro play baseball, which is a good thing, because otherwise Safeco Field would be empty. This is due to the fact that most people in California are too busy having butt sex with each other to become socially involved in society. However more Japanese tourists go to New York to see Hideki Matsui play. Seattle is full of hippies, homosexuals, environmental wackos, communists, and protesters. You can't toss your Birkenstocks into the air without hitting a vegan yogini driving a bio-diesel powered Vespa on her way to a PETA rally.

[edit] Coffee and Black Tar Heroin are Seattle's Addictions

Coffee is to Seattle as G-strings are to strippers. Many very famous coffee retail chains are located in Seattle: Starbucks (a.k.a. Charbucks, Whorebucks, Chuckbucks, PornoMermaid) all of which will give you vaginitis. Seattle's Best Coffee (formerly an independent company called Stewart Brothers Coffee, once bought by Charbucks it took on its present name, A.K.A. SBC, which is made by two brothers named Stewart shitting into water) Tully's (A.K.A. Tulliez) Torrefazione (also bought by Charbucks)

This is what locals call "the pit", where coffee junkies satisfy their darkest, French-roasted desires.
This is what locals call "the pit", where coffee junkies satisfy their darkest, French-roasted desires.

The odd thing is that nobody in Seattle drinks the coffee from these places if they can help it. As soon as someone moves to Seattle (everyone in Seattle is from somewhere else, the birth rate in Seattle is the second lowest in the country behind San Francisco) the first thing they do is become a coffee snob and randomly select an independent espresso cart as their favorite. Everyone has huge arguments about whose coffee is superior. Its like wine tasting carried to an absurd level. Seriously. Also 90% of people in Seattle have professional grade espresso machines in their house and they spend all their Saturdays going to find the perfect coffee bean perfectly roasted and setting their grinders to select the perfect grind so that it will produce the perfect flavor of whatever drink they're making at home (french press, espresso, drip coffee, semen etc.)

If you took the sum of all the gallons of coffee drunk in the civilized parts of the world on a yearly basis, then the sum of all gallons of coffee drunk in the non-civilized world on a yearly basis, and multiplied them, you would get half of the gallons drunk in Seattle on an hourly basis.

[edit] BLACK TAR HEROIN

One of Seattle's best kept secretes can be found 24 hours a day at First Avenue and Pike Street. Just approach any illegal alien and say "LeNegra" and you will be led to the drug king pin, No works? Not a problem, As a convenience the FREE needle exchange is located right around the corner at Second Avenue and Pike Street. You will be able to pick up what ever you need i.e. syringes, elastic arm bands, cookers and even cotton balls! CAUTION: Watch out for the "Jump Out Van" which is a dark colored windowless police van that shows up out of nowhere and pulls up to the curb and sucks up non suspecting drug addicts like some super sized Hoover vacuum cleaner! GOOD LUCK! It should be noted that these "Jump Out Vans" will only abduct drug users who are doing their damnedest to not get caught. The nigger in front of the CVS on 4th Avenue with his hands in the "I POSSESS DRUGS WITH INTENT TO SELL" position is apparently totally fucking un-arrestable. By this logic, your best bet for not getting caught is to walk around with the needle dangling out of your arm.

[edit] Other Useless Information About Seattle

Seattle is the pretend home of TV-shows Fraiser and Grey's Anatomy. Everyone in Seattle hates both of these shows, as there is not enough gay butt sex in either of them. It does not accurately depict Seattle. It also pisses all Seattleites off that McDreamy gets all snooty about calling ferries "ferry boats" when everyone in Seattle actually calls them ferries.

Seattle has an all-female roller derby league called the Rat City Rollergirls. If seeing fat girls in spandex skate slowly around a flat track in an abandoned air force hangar is fun for you then enjoy.

LNN has its headquarters there and because of this often reports Seattle news events in the most detail and with more frequency.

Seattle also has the Space Needle, which is modeled after the cities favorite anal sex toy.

Seattle is a large metropolitan area, but the actual city of Seattle (which is gay) is much smaller than most realize and its surrounded by lame, white trash suburbs (Burien, Bellevue, Puyallup, Kent, Sumner, Edmonds, Everett, Kirkland, Federal Way, Bothell, etc). The gay stuff is all in the center and it gets more and more straight the farther you radiate out from there.

It is the birthplace of emo and grunge, which are just lame versions of metal. It is also wonderd that seattle might also be the birthplace of indie, so seattle can come up with a lot of interesting things whenever they want.

Seattle is known for not giving a shit about the environment. For example, in order to preserve the region's ancient forests and natural resources, Seattle's electricity is produced with power plants that burn recycled paper, homeless people, people who don't like butt sex, and puppies. All of which are not thought fondly of in Seattle.

Seattle people are too busy with the butt sex to do anything about the fact that they live on sand in a fault zone. When the earthquake hits, all of downtown will fall like 9/11, and the Alaskan Way Viaduct will be the only thing left standing. The only way that this will not happen is if all the volcanoes around the city go off first, drowning the city in sauce.

Seattle is also the home of the annoying Vern Fonk TV Commercials.


HONK FOR FONK!!!!!!1111!!!1oneoneone!!!eleven1!!

[edit] seattlegate '06

On 7/15/06, Evan, a former resident of Seattle and all around douchebag who lurked as maintainer of seattle for at least 100 years, staged a pointless coup and fired the very popular mods of Seattle (ninaf, prince, and jameth) which resulted in a full scale troll invasion of Seattle. A scant few hours later, Evan recanted, de-modded himself and his cronies, and reinstated Ninaf and Prince, but not Jameth, thus providing the shortest seattle dramafest lulz of all time. Evan was last seen having anal sex with Brad.

[edit] RFJason Seattle Craigslist Pwning

In August 2006, RFJason created the RFJason CL Experiment, and laid waste to all of the Seattle Craigslist.

[edit] List of Famous People from Seattle

Jameth is here
Jameth is here
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