Maddox
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Maddox is one of the pioneers of internet trolling and flaming. For this reason, he is a pioneer of lulz and, love him or hate him, his influence on cyberculture is undeniable. For this reason noobs should read some of his early articles to learn how to flame, but not anything post-2005, because it all sucks shit. Most non-retardeds will notice much of what he has to say is unfunny in the way that it points out obvious things internets users already know. Maddox is to nerds what Eddie Murphy is to nigras. He is also a pirate. He makes that very clear. A little too clear. In fact, his many claims of being a pirate, coupled with a trend of no longer updating his site have worn pretty thin. He also wrote a shitty book recently, and an even shittier comic.
Some of the former claims discredit the fact that Maddox is indeed a STRAIGHT pirate by trying to associate him with those of a gay nature. This insolence proves to be a flaw in oneself rather than a flaw in Maddox. It would be more accurate to call him a Sailor.
Contents |
Early Life
For the majority of his childhood, Maddox lived in poverty, sleeping only in a dilapidated house of mud. It was during these harsh years that Maddox developed his tough personality and his love of manliness. Maddox likes beef jerky, Tabasco sauce, lumberjacks, eating babies, and headbutting pussies. He also has extremely high self esteem and is in love with himself. He has a terrible taste in movies and video games and defends it by calling people fags.
Adult Life
In college, Maddox had a brief but passionate affair with Ronald McDonald. Since their breakup, Maddox has had a virulent hatred of McDonalds and constantly criticizes them.
Maddox claims to be a pirate, but since he lives in the landlocked state of Utah, it's more likely he means an ass pirate.
Maddox may be a software programmer, and he may be into everything else associated with basement dwellers, but that doesn't necessarily make him one. He was finally able to vacate mom's basement after selling over 9000 books last year, now he lives in luxury, on the money he conned out of stupid people like you.
Additionally, Maddox is also a camera whore as evidenced by his numerous pictures of himself on his website and the image to the right.
Maddox hasn't worked at a real job since 2004, making all his money selling merchandise [1] and beating off on drunk hobos for cash.
Examples of his work
| —An article from mid-2005 |
New Book
Maddox has released a book, "The Alphabet of Manliness". As a fat, old, Armenian computer programmer from Utah, Maddox is an authority on manliness. The book was published in an effort to cover the cost of the huge quantities of Nair needed to remove his disgusting back hair. The book skyrocketed on the NY Times Bestseller list, an embarrassment to all parties involved. Covering a variety of subjects ranging from how stupid women are, to how great men are, to specific instructions for cooking meth, "The Alphabet Of Manliness" is a prime forerunner of everything that was never funny, even through shock value. The book also mentions Chuck Norris, making him as funny and edgy as the average shirt in Hot Topic.
Maddox goes on tour promoting the fact he would sign women's breasts. FUN IDEA: Bring your grandmother and have her request it.
Since he began writing it, he's stopped updating his site. After it came out, his site only serves to promote his damn book he apparently updates only once every four months, leaving his retarded fans with a thirst for moar.
When approached by Amazon.com inquiring as to what price his book should be sold at, Maddox replied, "About a million dollars, srsly." Amazon did not think this was funny and initially refused to stock the book. Since then though Amazon now sells new copies of the book for $10.85.
New Show
On December 9th, 2008, Maddox announced that all of the time he spent not updating his website was not only devoted to jacking it to hentai and being a basement-dwelling loser, but also spent on developing his own show, dubbed uncreatively The Best Show in the Universe. News of the show, which is set to air on YouTube, came via an update on his site, in an article where he heavily criticized YouTube for being full of shit, coming in only 3 years behind everyone else on the internet in this endeavor. It is presently unclear what the show's format will be (animated, sketch comedy, softcore porn, etc), but it is presumed that it will be filled with the same tired jokes about lumberjacks, pirates, and obvious observations on popular culture that he's been riding on for the past 11 years.
The article in question. More to come as the story develops...
Fan Sites
As with all retarded things in the world, they usually have a fan site. Maddox is no different, having two of the gayest fansites ever. Maddox Mania and The Best Fan Page In the Universe are where intelligence goes to die.
History
Not much is known about the faggotry of the sites, but recently, Civil War has broke out amongst Maddox fans. Some are disagreeing with Maddox and arguing with fans that "OMG GOVERNMENT DID 9/11"
War has broke here(baleeted?) HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS and here. (404)
The Best Fanpage: Poster Child For Failure
Recently, an ED insider did an in-depth investigation of "The Best Fanpage," revealing some disturbing yet unsurprising things about Maddox fans:
- The forum staff are closet furfags, as evidenced by this "April Fool's joke."
- Pedophilia and homosexuality are rampant amongst Maddox fans.
- Maddox fans are socially inept.
- They're also anime fags. Jesus Christ.
Also, Something Awful's Weekend Web did a segment about the site, causing the members to BAWWWW. Whine-One-One was dialed, and waaambulances were dispatched immediately to handle the epidemic of butthurt.
Other Maddoxes
Ninjapirate: A clone burst forth from his wretched womb one day, calling itself Ninjapirate. It has already begun emulating its mother and thoroughly unlulzifying the internet.
LJ Maddox: The LiveJournal account maddox is held by a retarded thirteen year old boy from Italy who updated it once a long time ago inquiring about male prostitutes who were also video game experts or whatever. Lulz ensued.
PokeMaddox: There was a troll on the Polish Pokemon-themed board. He incidentally was also called Maddox, but he retired, since people called him to wash his tits.
John Solomon: is sometimes accused of being Maddox. This is a Lie.
Dross: A latin-white ripoff troll that shamelessly copied Maddox's page format and whole Modus Operandi (h8 mail, fanart, and the rest). He's in his middle 20's and is unfunny to bacterial proportions. Also, a self-proclamed macho and racist that, in southamerica, is over 9000 more overrated than in the US. Born in Venezuela, resides in Argentina since 2007. Loathes every single social group in history, to a point of rejecting to be remotely related to any; he has an enourmous e-go and even copied Maddox catch-phrase "How much I rule" and deformed it. "El otro día demostré lo increíble que soy con un chanta argentino" that goes "The other day I demostrated how incredible I am...". He writes video game guides for those idiots that cannot access of are too fucktard to use Goolge, but his work has been stolen for other magazine SRLY. He could be a troll for the win, but he thought that, being not so retarded as those who read his site, falls in the fail. [Si usted habla español, hágale una visita].
Daniel Isaac: Another clone of Maddox with the same Modus Operandi. It would be nice to write something lulzly about him, but it would be repeating Maddox history, but without so much space. Yes, he is that lame. Daniel Isaac's.
Fun Facts
- Maddox likes FF7, so that means he's a homosexual. Proof.
- Maddox likes buttsecks with small boys, so that means he's a homosexual. Proof
- B3ta interviewed Maddox, proving their faggotry.
- Maddox is Armenian, and therefore a terrorist.
- Maddox likes Pantera. The only positive out-come of the person. Except the fact that Pantera is a total fucking rip-off of Exhorder, and Maddox is likely unaware of this band's existence. He also forgets Pantera's early history as a glam band.
- Maddox's frontpage links to Ebaumsworld, College humor, and CTRL ALT Delete. No further comment necessary.
- Maddox likes transsexual Thai boys, Proof.
- As is well known, Maddox is a homosexual. But a lesser known fact is that he is also gay. This means he is in fact a fag².
See Also
External Link
- Maddox's page
- The Hidden Maddox, with all the crap too shitty to put on the frontpage.
- Ytmnd site Maddox <3 Trannys
- His damn shitty page
