Hero Online
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Hero Online is yet another shitty "free" Korean MMORPG, developed by some company nobody’s ever heard of or gives a rat’s ass about called Mgame. Created in the same spirit as other shitty “free” Korean MMORPGS such as Maple Story, Silkroad Online, and Rappelz, the purpose of these games is to somehow cash in on the EverQuest and World of Warcraft phenomenon by making games that are drastically inferior to said titles. However, Hero Online is unique in that it is played entirely by
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[edit] Core Gameplay
Set in a fictional world where China isn't a complete shithole, the object of Hero Online is to scam equipment, items, and gold off of other players. Bonus points if you do so by betraying the trust of your guildmates. The game also provides a number of quests for the player to embark upon, including (but not limited to):
- Insulting as many players as you can, preferably in a language other than English. If English is the only language you’ve learned so far in middle school, try to make your messages resemble English as little as possible.
- Engage in public discussions which cover penis jokes, Naruto, or fucking your nonexistent girlfriend.
- Buy online currency from any number of gold-farming websites advertised within the game.
These activities consume much of the players' time within the game (their time outside the game being consumed mostly by masturbating to Rule 34-inspired comics featuring the cast of Naruto and Bleach), though players may also obtain gold and items from walking into a group of monsters and pressing the same three keys again and again until their eyes bleed. This process, highly prevalent in Korean MMORPGs, is called “grinding,” a term which comes from the fact that it’s about as much fun as grinding one’s testicles into a paper shredder.
Additional Controls
Left mouse click: Fail at crafting or upgrading items
Right mouse click: Lag
A key: Lag
S key: Lag
V key: Lag
[edit] Character Classes
Hero Online also boasts an impressive array of four whole character classes.
The Hunter is able to tame animals so that other players can live out their fantasies of furfaggotry in an online environment, as most players of Hero Online are too young and broke to afford fursuits. In the earliest days of the game, this was the most lucrative profession, but the game’s players have so successfully ruined the game’s economy that Hunters are now seen as the most worthless class.
The Physician, an equally worthless class, is capable of casting curative magic on their allies. However, since the players of Hero Online fail as miserably at making in-game friends as they do at making friends in real life, and because the game’s developers were stupid enough to make a class whose primary purpose was to perform spells with effects that simple in-game items and weapons could do more successfully and in a fraction of the time, this class is also deemed patently worthless.
The Assassin is the class of choice for many of the game’s young azn combatants. The assassin affords players the option of being as big a bunch of pussies online as they are in real life. This class's key ability is turning invisible, allowing you to stab your opponents in the back like the sneaky, slant-eyed little chink you are. Conversely, you can also use this ability to run away like a cunt, though since the game has teleportation charms in place for the express purpose of running away like a cunt, the efficacy of this ability is somewhat negated.
Finally, the Warrior is the only class worth playing in this lopsided train wreck of a game.
If you want to pwn at this game, all that is needed is to play as a warrior, placing all your stat points in strength and dexterity. This is obvious to any non-retarded player after about ten minutes with the game. However, because the game’s entire community lacks skills in basic math and planning, the subject of which class and build is teh best evar is a frequent topic of debate on the official forums.
[edit] The Hero Tavern
So you play the game and find yourself thinking, "The equipment and options for character customization in this game sure do suck, but I wish there were some way I could pay irl moneys for equipment and items that are just as useless and inconsequential in the game as they are in real life." Fear not, because Mgame has instituted the Hero Tavern, an in-game catalogue of stupid shit that you can buy with actual money to enhance your adventure in masochism. The most expensive item is twenty US dollars, and is a one-use item that prevents equipment from breaking when you fail to upgrade it. Other items are said to improve one’s chances of successfully upgrading equipment, but all of the game’s players are too stupid to realize that upgrading equipment past a certain point has a 100% rate of failure. As a result, Mgame is able to profit off of their young user base’s unhealthy addiction and inability to reason.
About once a year, the Hero Tavern offers stupid horseshit items that are actually useful in terms of procuring an advantage in the game. Last Halloween, they introduced "animal tubes," which must translate into human language as "animal masks." More recently, the Hero Tavern offered "Corean Robes," because they apparently wanted to make it clear that Koreans are too stupid to even spell the name of their own country correctly. Both of these items offered substantial boosts to a character’s stats, thereby rendering all players who did not buy them unable to compete with those who did.
Mgame also claims to view the selling of Hero Online gold as a very serious offense, but this doesn’t prevent them from doing it themselves. Mgame recently allowed players to sell Hero Tavern items to other players for in-game gold. Hero Tavern items sold by other players are among the most expensive items available for purchase with Hero gold. As such, those young azns willing to waste the proceeds of their parents’ dry-cleaning business on Hero Tavern items are able to amass the largest fortune of Hero gold, thus sending the clear message that Mgame doesn’t care if you cheat as long as they get a cut.
[edit] The Hero Online Forums
If you’re tired of getting insulted in pidgin English in the game itself, you can post in the game’s official forum. Here, players from all over South America and Asia meet to flaunt their superiority in an online game over one another, brag about their imaginary property, bicker over the theft of said imaginary property, lie about their real-life exploits, and complain about how shitty a game that they’re under no obligation to continue playing is. The content of these boards would be somewhat worthy of lulz if only every single poster weren’t so infuriatingly stupid, and if the messages were decipherable, each having been spelled and worded with about as much regard as a bowl of Alpha-Bits. Exactly 99% of the topics on the official Hero Online boards are some variation of the following:
- “HELP PLS GMS MY GEARS WAS STOLDED!!!!!!”
- “servrs r down wtf”
- “this quest requires basic math/map reading/reasoning skills help pls tell me how 2 do it”
- “can any1 tell me what is best for to put stat points in?”
[edit] Meet Hero Online’s Greatest Heroes!
Scott
Scott was a GM, which stands for Game Master. Ordinarily, this is one of the most illustrious titles that a fat nerd who dropped out of community college could ever attain, but in Scott’s case, this honor and privilege was overshadowed by the fact that he was Mgame’s workhorse. Out of a group of five or six GMs who are supposed to ensure that the game flows smoothly, Scott was the only one who did any work, and as such, he inherited all of the work left undone by everyone else in the office. When Scott wasn’t busy babysitting five hundred or so middle schoolers, answering requests to restore their stolen items or addressing complaints about this or that meaningless aspect of the game, he planned stupid in-game events that everyone hated, granted special favors to players who bought the most Hero Tavern items, enjoyed masturbating to images of Nekki Basara and cried himself to sleep. Nobody knows what happened to Scott, and rumors abound. However, whatever the case, odds are that he ran the hell away from Hero Online as fast as he could without so much as a backward glance. The entire game instantly realized they’d lost the only person over 14 years old who could be paid to give a shit about their little online problems, and the bitter weeping and cries for another GM who could be as big a faggot as Scott continue to this day.
Geno
Geno is another GM, and serves as the perfect foil for Scott. Where Scott gave his all for the job and selflessly devoted his soul to the perceived betterment of Hero Online like the whipped little twat he was, Geno hates the game and everybody who plays it, but everyone still kisses his ass because he supposedly helps run their pathetic little world, regardless of the fact that his presence in the game and on the forums is almost always accompanied by insults, shitty jokes, and Transformers references that everybody in the game is too young to get. Despite the fact that he just foists his entire workload onto someone else’s shoulders, Geno continues to find his job loathsome and terribly droll, but continues to show up in order to support his addiction to online games that don’t completely suck. Geno recently got fired and now he is flipping hamburgers at the local McDonalds.
Fentoosler
Fentoosler was the first recruited Game Master. He got lost in Central Market in his very first day as GM, but after that he started to do his job seriously. At the moment he got evidences against goldselling companies, he suddenly disappeared.
Foyle/Evil_Queen
Foyle, also known as Evil_Queen, is a regular on the Hero forums. She takes care of her father, who is dying an excruciatingly slow death from Cancer, and in order to compensate from her impotence in the face of the fact that daddy’s not going to see next Christmas, each and every post she writes is a poor attempt at a flame. While her words must certainly sound clever in her own mind, her father never taught her to spell worth shit before embarking upon the slow train to Hell. As such, she succeeds only in making herself look like a retard, but in the world of Hero Online, nobody notices.
BlindingSnow
Also known as Snowy, this is another forum regular and believes himself the biggest, baddest internet asshole in a game where the competition for the title is most decidedly fierce. If you see him, boy you better watch out! He’ll pwn you faster than you could say “Inuyasha hentai” for stepping into the area that he and his guild (TheEspada) constantly patrol in order to kick peoples asses and steal all the lootz that some of the highest level monsters in the game yield. Because he’s wasted the most money on Hero Tavern items, the GMs allow this type of harassment despite it being a blatant violation of the game’s terms of service and a major obstacle to the advancement of lower-level players. When not playing the game (which is almost never), *Snowy* spends the remainder of his time lording his internet swords, armor, and gold over everyone else on the forum. He also frequently lies about doing things other than playing the game and is fond of trolling the admin and flaming little faggots until they cry on the forums. BlindingSnow is rumored to be the Final Boss of the Internet.
CookieFlavorWaffle (Rufus)
At least 100 years ago, when Hero Online was young, CookieFlavorWaffle went by the name SakuraPrincess. She He posted images of some jailbait 16 year-old girl and claimed they were of her him, which led to her his instant popularity in the game because the people who play it are too stupid to know that any girl who spends 14 hours a day logged into a video game cannot possibly weigh a perfect 110 pounds. Cookie fell into favor with a player called Kage, who at the time was the most successful player. Before Kage was banned for being a pedophile not buying enough Hero Tavern items, SakuraPrincess managed to whore enough equipment and gold off of him to become a force to be reckoned with. Cookie returned after a brief hiatus to find that she he was more popular than ever. Cookie started calling people stupid pet names like “cookie” and “waffle,” but because everyone thought he was a she, they all pretended that it was clever and not epic faggotry. Cookie changes her his forum handle and in-game name roughly once every month, but it’s always some derivation of the words cock “cookie” and “waffle.” Recently outed as an eTranny and pedophile, Rufus has gone into hiding.
xPAINx
Litla/Jiaa
Litla/Jiaa is of the ugliest, snaggletooth bitches ever to find the MMORPG known as Hero Online. Her busted grill is often compared to Jay Leno. She constantly miss-spells things because she is a horse-fucking danish bitch. 99% of the time she has no idea wtf she is talking about. She is constantly shooting her mouth off because noone has had the good sense to stuff their cock in it. Enjoy this link to farmlove.com an image of Litla/Jiaa.
IIIMizunoIII
Well known scammer mouth-breather and fat ass. Mizuno constantly hordes cupcakes in his guilds ventrilo server and eats them whilst having his mic button pressed down. He is known as a scammer due to a pearl he never paid back to Ajun the Chink
Ajun
One of the many lame ass chinks that play the game of Hero Online. He often cries on the forums about getting hacked/scammed/raped in the asshole by a big ass nigger. He made the mistake of trusting one of his long time e-gfs/e-bfs and got hacked served Great justice. Epic lulz ensued.
Team ThietSaChoung
IIIAFRICANIII
African the wannabe negro. This cracker wastes his time trying to increase his ego by hiding behind his guild while making fun of fellow no lifers. Afrocock can be found stroking his meat and drowning his sorrows away by stuffing his face adding fat to the plump man boobs made of fried chicken and rice cakes. Dont make fun of african with real life jokes though! He'll have a bitch fit and Q_Q. Next time you see african give that nigger a hug! No homo.
Jeter/IIISkyLarkIII
Another chank from HO. This ricegrinder recently got his anal gaped after winning a Hero Online Video Contest.
After winning the contest the prize he chose was a 12yr old girls panties Demonic Hellfire Blade and the following day he got hacked and robbed of every thing. He made a good bye post on the forums soon after, and the truth would come out that he account shared. Jeter was last seen wearing eyeliner and girl-jeans while waiting in line for a MCR concert.
[edit] See Also
[edit] External Links
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Hero Online is part of a series on MMORPGs. |
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