An hero

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An hero
is part of a series on
final solutions.

[Where did I go wrong?] [Where did I go wrong?]

There comes a time in every man's life when situations spiral out of control and he finds his back against a wall. Maybe somebody stole his iPod. Maybe he just killed his wife and kids. Maybe he looked in the mirror and saw a Fucktard. Whatever the reason, you can either get up and face the music, or you can tell the world and whatever deity you believe in to fuck off. In the latter case, pull out your list of final solutions and place a check in the suicide box, because Tonight, you dine in hell

Simply pwning oneself IRL is no cause to become "An Hero". Without exceptions,"An Heroes" are made, not born. When otherwise normal and rational people fondly eulogize and honor those that have killed themselves before them, that's when "An Hero" is made. Like it or not, somebody out there probably gives a shit about Kurt Cobain (moar liek Kurt Gobang amirite?). Could anyone say the same about you? That's why you'll never amount to anything. You'll never be "An Hero". (But don't let us stop you from trying. Having said that, becoming an hero is shit because you won't get to see the results of your successful endeavors. However, if you do a school shooting and don't kill yourself, you just might. With a lot of luck. Don't expect not to get raped and murdered in prison, or executed in the electric chair.) There is no half/almost/soon An Hero. Either you blow your brains out and become An Hero or don't, but in your case, please do.

The phrase "An Hero" dates back to 2006, to the proto-An Hero, Mitchell Henderson, who famously shot himself after losing his iPod. /b/tards jumped on a grammatical error made by one of his MySpace friends, and it is now immortalized as the banner under which we mock those courteous enough to remove themselves from the gene pool. Since then, an heroes of all ages have bravely been removing themselves from the gene pool, including 3 year olds

[edit] You and Your Potential An Hero (How to Become An Hero)

When you become an hero, you make front pages!1

You haet life, you have no friends, your dad is a(n) insert problem here, your mom is a slut, school sucks, you get molested after class, you couldn't get a Wii two years ago or today, you lost your iPod (which BTW had terrible music on it), you're gay, you get bullied, noone loves you, everyone hates you, you lost "the game". You've been thinking about becoming an hero for a while now, but are not sure. Will anyone care? Have you given the Military a try? Will anyone remember you? No because you're a sick fuck. Now you have to get set on changing that. Here's a list. (liek ur final solutions amirite?)

1. Do something (anti-)epic

2. KILL THYSELF

3. Some argue that you can see for 11 seconds after you die. (DON'T) MAKE IT COUNT

4. ????

5. PROFIT!!!

[edit] IRL usage of an Hero prior to the 20th century fagification of the Engrish language

While "an Hero" is regarded as a grammatical error by modern linguists, usage of the quantifier an before words that started with a morpheme of the pattern CV that began with an h in the onset was common usage before the ~~17th~~20th century.

“	But thou complying with thy princely wrath, hast shamed an Hero whom themselves the Gods delight to honor	„
—Cowper's translation of Homer, about 1790. Clearly, this implies that Mitchell Henderson is a time traveler from the 16th century and thus killed himself over a perceived decline in the English language.

A Dictionary of the English Language (1824) (moar liek An Dickionary of the English Language, amirite?), defines the word heroical as something befitting an hero.

The Gentleman's Magazine (1787) (moar liek The Gentleman's Fagazine, amirite?) uses an hero like a pro, and also includes many references to Johnfon.

[edit] "An Hero"

An heroes to us all!

Yes, Azn guys from the Philippines had an entire Cable-TV Channel for An Heros.

“	I'm not a boy, I'm just an hero, I'm not a man, I'm an hero.	„
—Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance

In spite of the obvious similarities, "An Hero" should not be confused with "A Negro" and "A Necro".

The 'n' stands for 'lulz'.

It is also an obscure fact that the song "And the Hero Will Drown" by Story of the Year was originally titled "An Hero Will Drown Himself".

It is a little known fact that the plural of an hero is "one's heroes," its grammar being based in british english (moar liek shittish english, amirite?). Unfortunately, nobody gives a fuck.

[edit] "An Heroine"

A typical cry for help.

The fuck you carr me for??

This fag killed himself for Bjork. Srsly.

I Is GunnA b An BeaUTifuL PoeTIC hUro B/Cuz U KeeP mAKin' FUn OF my EMow LIfestyle DO You ENJOY MY SHURT IT SHOWZ I AM DEEP LIKE THAT?!!111!

Star Wars is an hero.

Even the liberal media wants you to become an hero.

Teenagers in a small town in south Wales becoming an heroes simultaneously.

Scorpios were born to An Hero.

The worst an hero. Can't you please fucking die a second time?

Almost an hero.

For most men, before they become "An Hero", they kill themselves in order to deliver a final "Fuck You" to the world. Male suicide is over 9000 times more prevalent than female suicide, simply because a man has At least 100 times as much testosterone as your average woman.

Women commit suicide for one of only two reasons. In the lesser case, they've lost someone they love and can't imagine dying alone. They decide to do Mother Nature and humanity a solid by also removing themselves from the gene pool.

In most other cases, however, women are motivated to feign suicide whenever they are beset by despair. These women believe that people around them would support and comfort them, even if the only person from whom they're in danger is themselves. This is colloquially known as a "Cry for Help". It's too bad that ALL WOMEN are(/have) pussies because they use "sleeping pills" and need to try again. If at first you don't succeed, become an hero. Oh wait, you failed THAT too. Now you get to experience the living hell of LIFE. Oh the irony. Maybe if they FUCKING BLEW THEIR HEADS OFF WITH A FUCKING SHOTGUN, they'd have better success.

See also: Unrealistic Expectations and Hollywood Martyr. The only female an heroes worth mentioning are Megan Meier, whose suicide produced epic BAWWW all over the internets, and Christine Chubbuck, a 70s news anchor who shot herself during a live newscast, moments after making a joke that she was doing so in accordance with network policy to bring the viewers more "blood and guts". She also beat Budd Dwyer to it.

NEWSFLASH: She didn't die at the scene. OH WELL. Dwyer was the first to INSTA-DIE.

[edit] Famous Implements Used to Become An Hero

~~An hero in edible form~~ All an heroes are edible.

How to become An Heroine

Some cunt did it for My chemical romance. See?

The 'emo scene', specifically My Chemical Romance, was criticized by the coroner at the inquest into the death by hanging of a girl from Maidstone, Kent in the United Kingdom named Hannah Bond.

Yeah, what a cunt. Fuck her.

Almost an hero on TV

Argentinian An Hero <object width="450" height="370"><param name="movie" value="http://www.liveleak.com/e/412_1227377410"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.liveleak.com/e/412_1227377410" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="450" height="370"></embed></object>DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS

[edit] NOT "An Hero"

Reasons you are not an Hero:

You have not lost your Zune.
You have not totaled your moms truck.
You have friends that can spell.
You did not kill yourself.
You are over the age of 18.
You are a /b/fag
You are still alive.
Your eulogy is not posted on MySpace.
You are Moot.
That's a fucking evoker you fucking weeaboo faggot.
You don't have friends.
You are not Heath Ledger.
You take prescription meds that make you batshit crazy
You are not a 16 year old girl
You haven't finished drafting your suicide note.
You are not at least 100 years ago
You enjoy eating shit
You did not read/write The Game
You are not Hammy Havoc
You are not in Hordasken
You are friends with Puls3

[edit] Reasons you are An Hero

You lost your iPod.
You have the gnarliest bindings in Bergen County, and your name is Highway Star
No one likes you
Your dad would not let you play Wii
The world will not ignore your pain any longer
They canceled your favorite tv show
Your favorite movie is Camp rock
You got a ride on a spaceship behind a comet
You think Kool-aid tastes AWWWRIGHT!
Summons helpful spirits
You're Lanzer
Your girlfriend dumped you
You scored 970 on the SAT
Your parents won't let you go see My Chemical Romance
You lost your job at McDonald's
Your prison lover left you
You are in an "internet suicide room"
You got rejected from MIT or Harvard
The sand ninjas from Naruto made you kill yourself in a small sandbox
You over dosed on drugs when trying to create more stories for your cult to believe.
you get butthurt from people calling you a newfag, when in reality...you are
You are Hammy Havoc
You are in Hordasken
You are Edward Cullen
You have a friend that wants to kill you.
You're unemployed
You are in love with Josh Evans
Your crush won't disable comment voting on a YouTube video
Your dad took away your ECKSBAWKS

[edit] Hero Anthem

Where have all the good parents gone?

And where is my iPod?

Where's the street-wise bullies?

To assault me after school?

Isn't there a teacher in a fiery tie?

Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I'll be

(Chorus)

I'll be an hero

I'm becoming an hero at the end of the week

I just killed two cops

And I'm gonna be dead

And I'm gonna be fresh from the morgue

I'll be an hero

I'll be discovered by Mom in the morning light

I had a bad day

And I was called gay

And now I'm larger than life

Now I'm an hero.

[edit] NotAnotherAnthem

I promised him I wouldn't be reckless. I promised him I'd be okay...I love him....tell him I love him. And tell him to not be so upset about me...I don't want him to dwell on what could have been. I don't want to ruin his life.

[edit] An Heroes Song

I-I wish I could find

Find my iPod-Nano 16 gig

Though nothing-nothing will keep us together

I can't find it-I've lost it forever

Oh I'll be an hero-on 'An Hero Day'

We-we've been playing

Playing-playing some 'Doom'

And Manson he told us to slay

Oh let's be an heroes-on 'An Hero Day'

We can PWN them-on 'An Hero Day'

I-I went on Bebo

I saw-BSC

And in Wales-and found me a tree

Tied my rope-put my neck through the hoop

But before-told 'The Sun' bout me

I stood on the stool-kicked it from beneath me

Oh I'll be an hero-cos Bridgend is shit

Let's be an heroes (3X)

On 'An Hero Day'

Let's be an heroes

We're dying, and dying by ourselves

We need attention, oh put me on 4chan

But we could be famous, til the meme dies

Oh, oh, oh, ohhh-oh, oh, oh, ohhh, on 'An Hero Day'

Oh, on 'An Hero Day'

[edit] The Official An Hero Song

I'm so sick and tired of being bored, Had it up to here with being ignored. The kids that walk by in their tired haze, Lookin' for a place just to have their say:

Gonna be an hero! We finally got our way! Gonna be an hero! Gotta get on t.v today!

There's too many players that we despise, Gotta find a way to equalize -- Decimate the robots down on the floor: That's what I use gun powder for!

Gonna be an hero! We finally got our way! Gonna be an hero! Gotta get on t.v today!

An!

Hero!

An!

Gonna be an hero.

[edit] The "An Hero" Paradox

Scientists have theorized about what is known as the "An Hero" paradox. In order for such a paradox to take place, two people with iPods must steal each other's iPod. The obligation to become an hero would conflict with the gain of an iPod, most likely producing the same results as dividing by zero.

Scientists resolved the problem by confirming that anyone who owns an iPod should became an hero immediately due to the intense fail of iPods.

[edit] Nigerian News Article

TAIWO AKINKUNMI- AN HERO WITHOUT HONOR

In Nigeria, they too are fond of becoming an heroes when they're not spreading AIDS and trying to rape white women. This news article confirms this.

[edit] Japanese East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere An Hero

Yukio Mishima was one of Japan's leading novelists a man with a cock the size of a watermelon, who was a conservative activist, a man who created his own Private Army of virile young men, achieved his highest plateau by committing Seppuku. Never one to shy away from controversy regarding Japan's martial tradition, Mishama seized a garrison of the Japanese Self Defense Force and gave a speech inciting the troops to overthrow the government and restore the Emperor. They laughed at him. Mishima went inside and had one of the pretty young men that he had specially chosen as the best of the best of his paramilitary group behead him after he disemboweled himself.

Mishima explains it all:

Mishima quote; "Sometimes, with suicide, you win, but with Puls3 you always win".

[edit] An Hero movie attempt

An hero movie attempt.

[edit] The Happening

In this movie, an unknown source releases a chemical that causes entire populations of people to self-pwn and become an hero. As a matter of fact, the only people in the movie who do not become an heroes are the main characters as if this wasn't a drawn-out horror movie cliche. As the movie does not explain the cause, watching it is a huge waste of time for anybody.

Actually, the 'unknown source' was a bunch of freaking trees. Angry, vengeful trees. Never before in a movie has there been so many stock shots of wind blowing ominously through foliage, and never before have so many enviro-Nazis simultaneously wet themselves.

[edit] How the 1950's Cleansed the Gene Pool

[edit] An Heroes

		Billy, don't be an hero!!
Bureaucratic fucks on an hero.	Yahoo!	An Wiiro
Support your local an hero! (They won't die if you don't give them a reason.)	calling helen of troy 'an heroic voice' is pretty fucking lulzy, in general	Sometimes whores an hero too.