EVE Online

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

See the action in this game?

EVE ONLINE IS SERIOUS BUSINESS!!!

EVE Online (Moar liek Boring online amirite?)is an extremely slow and boring game that hardly anyone plays. The crowd that plays the game is made up of faggotry and Judaism. One of the only reasons why people actually try this game out is because of the awesome graphics. According to the makers of the game, the players have a lot of freedom of what they choose to do in the game. This freedom that they speak of is mining ore in order to make Jew gold or grief other players to make their lives living hells. There is no point to this game except to waste your worthless life away and make yourself a pariah to the outside world.

EVE Online players do not take kindly to WoW players or any other MMORPG players because EVE is more 1337 than any other MMORPG. Their minds need to be cleansed of this faggotry, and they need understand the irony of what they are saying.

“	The bottom line is that EVE is a rich and immersive universe centered on human interaction. Players can play the game as a simple space trader or endeavor to control the largest, most powerful company in the universe. We provide the rules and tools, but it is the players themselves who create the adventures.	„
—Description of EVE Online on the official website

1 The Wonderful Learning Curve
2 Corporations
3 Chats
4 How to Grief
5 Goonfleet
6 Videos
7 External Links

[edit] The Wonderful Learning Curve

The creators of EVE Online thought the game would be easy to learn with the tutorials and help chats that they put into the game (such as "Rookie Help" that is spamtastic). Instead, they fucked themselves over with these ideas. As you can see by this graph that is shown here, people have trouble getting over the learning curve of this game.

Few have survived the learning curve; those who did have no lives AT ALL.

[edit] Corporations

In reality, the jumps would be 40+ jumps and the Rape tax rate would be over 30%.

Corporations are scams that make the players think that they are involved in something useful in EVE Online. In reality, corporations are just full of people that dick around and tax the shit out of others in order to get money for their own ventures. When someone asks what the money is used for, the corporation administrators will usually say that it is for ships to help out everyone. This is a lie considering the fact that they are buying the ships for themselves. In conclusion, corporations are a great scam in order for the man to rip off the mere peasants in EVE Online. Just like in real life!

[edit] Chats

There are multiple chats in the universe of EVE each of which have their own little spice to them.

Local Chat - No one uses this chat. If someone does it's usually a "friendly" hello which should be taken as a warning that the person will eventually fuck you up later on in the area that you are in.
Corp Chat - Probably consider the /b/ of EVE Online in the default corps. Full of retards, fags, jews, etc.
Rookie Chat - Spam central. Full of Chinese farmers advertising scams to sell you fake money for real money. People that buy money are suckers.
Help Chat - When a player enters this chat, they are greeted with a friendly message saying that there are no admins in the chat that will help at all. Asking for help is really stupid in this chat considering the fact that half of the chatters are either trolls or noobs that cannot answer a simple question.

[edit] How to Grief

An accurate depiction of a person who plays EVE Online.

There are many ways one can grief in EVE Online.

Become an economic terrorist!

1) Make tons of Jew gold by mining for hours on end.
2) Buy all of the popular items on the market so that no one else can have them.
3) Inflate the prices of the items that you just bought and put them back on the market.
~~4) ???~~
5) PROFIT!

Kill miners in high security sectors! This is somewhat hard because Concord, the cops guards high security sectors from awesome people that kill miners for teh lulz.

1) Buy any ship that can fit powerful weapons on it.
2) Go into any high security sector (preferably 1.0 which is the most protected) and target a miner.
3) Shoot and blow up the ship.
4) Kill the pod that the player is in so that they lose their stuff and have to clone. This is optional, but if you do not podkill, you fail.
5) ???
6) PROFIT!

Steal or Destroy Cargo Containers! Noobs do not understand that people can take the shit they jettison into space if they do not anchor it. This technique will definitely make a miner butthurt.

1) Go over to cargo containers or secure cargo containers and try to pick them up. Blowing them up in front of the person who owns it makes them all butthurt. In this situation, they will send you a chat invite; Do not accept it.
2) Once you have the container, extract the stuff inside and sell it. If the cargo container is secured, repackage it and the contents inside will automatically come out.
3) Sell all of the stuff.
~~4) ???~~
5) PROFIT!

Noob Bait! You can kill new players with no consequences by exploiting their ignorance.

1) Go into an area full of new players.
2) Jettison any item into space
3) Tell all the noobs that they can have the contents.
4) Wait for them to take the item and be flagged by CONCORD.
5) ???
6) PROFIT!

Smartbombs! Anywhere, Anytime!

1) Purchase a battleship with at least 8 high-slots.
2) Fly off to Jita, or even the Amarr system- it's guaranteed that you'll find a high-density group of people milling about by a station.
3) Turn on all 8 smartbombs at once.
4) Watch the massive DPS erase any ship smaller than a battleship in a matter of seconds!
5) Lose your ship due to CONCORD's faggotry
6) ????
7) PROFIT!

Also, check out this handy video guide illustrating proper technique in a low-security system!
Proper Technique

[edit] Goonfleet

The most prominent of griefing clans is Goonfleet, composed of Goons from Something Awful. Known for their relentless and merciless griefing, they control large amounts of territory within the game. Trespassers will be shot on sight, no matter who they are. They will make EVE about 100 more fucking frustrating than it already is. You've been warned. HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS, half of them have quit and the other half are active less often than you get laid.