Epic Sword Guy
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Epic Sword Guy, aka Mario Majorski, was a batshit insane former Los Angeles scilon. On November 23rd, 2008, he decided to test his mighty hanzo steel dual-wielding prowess against the power of the Western gaijin's ultimate technique in the parking lot of the Scientology Celebrity Center. He lost, and is now fighting the good fight against our galactic oppressors alongside Lisa McPherson, Shawn Lonsdale, and you if you think doing stupid shit like this is still cool.
Contents |
[edit] So What Is Known?
Majorski is on record as having completed at least three high-level Scientology courses in 1990. Kendrick Moxon helped him sue the state of California in 1993 because some hippie psychiatry professor at UCLA was talking smack about Scientology. The complaint said that the professor was "routinely practicing religious hatred."
| —Epic Sword Guy in June 1992, before he got his swords. |
In his defense, the professor pointed out that he had once killed an elephant for the lulz by injecting it with over 9,000 hits of LSD. Based on this evidence, the court decided that the professor was cool and dismissed the case.
Majorski also attended I.A.S. Special Briefings (in Los Angeles) in 1992 and 2004. This is the last specific record of him, but the batshit insane Freezoner Pierre Ethier claims to have audited him. The last time they spoke to each other, he said that whales were monitoring earth and reporting back to their homeworld. It is safe to assume that he had dropped out and started watching Star Trek movies instead of Battlefield Earth.
Some argue that Mario's bankruptcy filings had something to do with his attempt.
[edit] So What Are They Telling The Scientologists?
According those with relatives close to the source, the official line is that it was a random lunatic "With a long criminal history, recently released from prison" without mentioning that he was a long-time Scilon.
Shit, has anyone heard from ODB lately?
[edit] So What Aren't They Telling Us?
According to The Defamer (see link section), a Google search for "Mario Majorski" brings up a results page which informs the user that due to a legal request to Google, one search result has been omitted. The legal request was sent by the U.K.'s Internet Watch Foundation, and the substance of it is that the words "Mario Majorski" were returned by Google from a website which has been blacklisted as a supplier of child pornography.
If it's ED, we're hoping they'll tell us.
[edit] A Cautionary Tale of Swords
We at Encyclopedia Dramatica would like to enlighten our readers about the unseen perils of wielding such fiendish instruments of death. We've invited guest speaker Trip Fisk to demonstrate how to stay safe both at protests and at home.
| —So will bullets. |
If you're going to put on a mask and harass a local org, please leave your faggotstick behind.
[edit] The Swords, They're Multiplying
| —Associated Press, early November 23 |
| —Associated Press, later, November 23 |
| —That is quite a feat, KCAL 9. |
[edit] Previous exploits
In addition to doing real-estate deals, getting ripped off by Scientology, and getting arrested for being batshit crazy, ESG is supposed to have been an occasional internet poster on freezone groups.
[edit] ESG infiltrates CLO
- note: clo stands for Continental Liaison Office [1] -- Anonymous
| —signed "mario m" |
[edit] Gallery
 |
 We can has movie rights? |
 |
 Paradoxically, some Scientologists are also Samurais. |
 |
 I'm sorry, Mario, but our Xenu is in another Celebrity Center, erm, castle. |
 The Legend of Zelda: Majorski's Mask |
 |
 |
 |
 |
[edit] See Also
[edit] External links
- Guard fatally shoots man armed with swords at Scientology building.
- Man killed at Scientology building had church ties.
- Dox thread at WWP
- The Defamer is watching you enturbulate
