Buy A Dog

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Buy A Dog
is part of a series on
final solutions.

[Where did I go wrong?] [Where did I go wrong?]

“	She installed electronic security, a phone tracing system, and bought a dog. WOOF	„
—Phil Shuman, on how Anonymous took steps to protect herself from Anonymous. Oh, the irony!

“	If your enemy needs a friend, buy him a dog.	„
—Anonymous.

You might well ask.

Buy A Dog is a meme that originated some time ago when Faux News ran an investigation on the growing threat of hackers on steroids. The propaganda flick relayed the horrifying tale of a basement dwelling mama's boy named Alex Wuori. His MySpace had been thoroughly hacked and covered with pictures of gay secks, causing his imaginary girlfriend to leave him. He also claimed that messages were left on his mom's answering machine threatening to slit his emo throat. He probably left them himself.

In typical over-the-top fashion, his mother immediately did what any reasonable person would do: she purchased a new security system for her entire house, put a tracer on their phone line, closed the curtains, and finally...she BOUGHT A FUCKING DOG.

This may seem completely fucktarded, but it is well known to IT security experts that /b/ is actually run by cats and that longcat is the overlord of /b/ and over 9000 times longer than mrfetch

[edit] Hawt Tips

Dogs are the third hardest substance known to man, next to Dragonforce, and of course, Chocolate Rain.
Mathematical fact: Fear + Ignorance + series of tubes + ???? = Siberian husky.
Closing your curtains is the #1 way to prevent yourself from Anonymous Hackers. However, they may hack their way through your firewall-curtains.
For optimum protection, wrap said dog around curtains.

It should be noted, however, that several very skilled hackers can bypass security machines through use of wire cutters and steroids. Meanwhile many others are busy dissecting dogs and consulting with ~~Michael Vick~~ Ron Mexico in an attempt to find creative ways around a dog. So far, all efforts have led to failure.

If potential victims cannot buy a dog, then a Dog Curtain is fine too. A cat, however, will actively work against you.

NEWSBREAK: It has recently been confirmed that dogs are weak against CLIFFS.

JEWZ YOU CAN UZE: Some Anons carry chocolate with them due to the myth that it causes a Falcon Punch like effect on dog's hearts. It's baker's chocolate not the normal kind. Go find yourself a cakesmith if there are no cliffs nearby.

[edit] OMG THE DOG IS A LIE!!1

Los Angeles. The Dogproof Anon receives its first field test, and ABC is there with the cameras.

BREAKING NEWS FROM THE FRONTLINES: Working around the clock to meet the February 10th deadlines, /b/tard scientists have successfully created the prototype for the Dog-Proof Anon. No force in the universe can stop us now. Except for fail caused by moralfags in Guy Fawkes masks.

[edit] Trivia

How did SlimVirgin defend herself against feared troll, Blu Aardvark? She bought a dog; ironically, it was from Blu Aardvark.
The gaiafag developers banned Pedobear to make sure Anonymous doesn't come and slit their throats. They're going to buy fucking dogs!

[edit] Gallery

Dogs. Making you buy them since 2007	Dog promotional poster by Ollie.	Anonymous trembles	~~Michael Vick~~ Ron Mexico, ~~has~~ had several a dogs.
Anonymous shits bricks	Cute? I don't think so.	Anonymous begs for mercy in the face of a dog with a laser.	Dogmongler -for one- is not afraid.
Do it nao.	dog+curtains+van...you nevar thawt you'd say it.	Will track you down like a Chris Hansen on Pedobear's arse.	This dog cannot be bought.
Dog Curtains...the only firewall for steroidal hackers	A Doberman may be a good choice	LAPD and Anon	This will help you keep your family safe
Anon will NEVARR attempt to haxx0r you or detonate a van close to you if you have curtains, espeically if used in combination with a dog.	Anonymous. We'll make you buy a dog.	Dogs may screw you up, though. Well, hum.	This dog poses little threat.
Dogs don't like Michael Vick.	Dogs have held back terrorists for hundreds of years.	Moar K9!	Wearing a Firedog hat will not help you.
Finally, a solution!	Looking to buy a dog?	Moar dogcurtains