Bestiality
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| Reading this article may turn you into a furry. Please resist the temptation. |
Bestiality is hilarious and the best thing that ever happened to mankind. It is the redneck art of having sex with an animal. It is sort of like being a furry, only the animals are real, alive, and, chances are, don't want you shoving your penis in the ass of their fine fuzzy fundament.
See Also:
Contents |
Drama Llamas
Most participants in bestiality (meaning direct bestiality, not indirect like disgusting furries) make largely the same excuses as teh gheys, teh polyamorous, teh pedophiles, teh stoners, teh intentional fatties and teh White Supremacists: That it was intended to be that way from the beginning, and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, and that anyone who thinks any different is obviously a Hitler-worshiping Nazi with a lifelong determination to quell and oppress those who disagree with them. Like these other groups, bestial freaks (like WolfJLupus) devote their ENTIRE JOURNAL TO TALKING ABOUT IT, often taking several hours in a day to post about it. They make the same arguments about oral consent, maturity disparity and the role of sex in reproduction being irrelevant, and generally spend more time justifying their life than actually living it. This makes trolling a beastophile shockingly simple; just say something to the effect of "You do realize that you are sticking your cock into animals, right? Isn't that like, rape?" or "If animals don't have souls, how can they feel love for you?" The only exception is if they let male animals f*ck them, in which case they're either fags in perpetual (and even more pathetic than usual) denial or soon to face life threatening complications of intestine trauma. The poor lol-cow will be helpless to do anything but fall into your trap; animal-rapers exist only to prove their point to everyone, and can't resist debating every dissenting voice that crosses their path.
Statistics
- 95,638,231 women have intentionally engaged in bestiality
- 255,035,283 men have intentionally engaged in bestiality.
- For the rest of you, we'll accept your plea that it was unintentional, but we have our suspicions.
These figures suggest the following -
- In a train carrying 300 people - 5 women and 12 men are experienced.
- If your company has 100 people - 3 women and 8 men have had experience.
- At the Hollywood bowl, you will find 261 experienced women, and 695 men. Actually as it's Hollywood those figures are misleading, as they fail to apply the Richard Gere multiplier. The real figures are 3,201 experienced women and all but one of the men. And you can bet the one isn't Richard.
Some popular animals that zoophiles enjoy having sex with include equines, gerbils, canines, poultry, squirrels, domesticated cattle, roadkill, cats, dolphins, handfuls of mealworms, kangaroos, large snakes, and primates.
Legal status
Until recently, bestiality was legal in the state of Washington. This has been mentioned on Mind of Mencia and is why Mr. Hands is so famous. Thankfully for residents of the homeland of Jameth, bestilolity was outlawed in 2006. WolfJLupus then GTFO of the state.
Protip: In the United Kingdom, any animal that has died is classed as a foodstuff, regardless of what type of animal it is. It's not illegal to fuck food. If your pet dog was to have a fatal "accident" and you were to "accidentally" place your penis into its dead anus, that would be no more illegal than smearing jam on your cock.
ZooTube365 Hack
For those perverted few who enjoy watching bestiality, here's a handy way to get your pr0nz for free.
1. Download a .flv player
2. Go to http://www.zootube365.com/
3. Right-click on the thumbnail for the vid and choose properties.
4. Copy the image's LOCATION url. example: http://mv.zootube365.com/fl/0711/06/47314473d8a53/47314473d8a53.flv_4731448bb84e7.jpg
5. Delete the stuff after ".flv"
6. If instead the url is something like http://mv.zootube365.com/fl/0709/19/69adc1e107f7f7d/image_26_471c549626ccc.jpg delete everything after the last slash.
7. Copy the long letter/number sequence (eg.69adc1e107f7f7d) and paste it after the last slash and add ".flv"
8. Remove the "mv." in front of the URL
Update: This has sadly been undone. This hack no longer works. Unless folks are keeping step number 9 secret which is the key. Please edit in anything anyone knows.
As an aside-hack, using Safari, load up a video, let it buffer full, click Window>Activity and look for the .flv in the list, and double click it, Safari will immediately download it to your desktop. Enjoy. But zootube365 only lets you watch 5 videos a day. Pick well.
It's just that easy! This clever exploit will allow crafty furfags to exceed the view limit and paw-off to subscription-only videos of hawt whale dongs.
ζ
In an effort to hide their sick lifestyle, zoophiles often substitute the lowercase Greek letter Zeta (ζ) in their various internet profiles and lists of interests in lieu of DOG FUCKER. Searching for this symbol on various social networking sites can result in many lulz and a great list of potential targets.
Youtube videos dedicated to dog fuckers
Fuck a dog in the ass Song by Blink 182
Gallery
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See Also
- ZOO: The Movie A sympathetic and artistic representation of what is ultimately a fetish for fucktards.
- B0G
- Chelonaphilia
- Cory Williamson
- Darkhorseman
- Dolphinsex
- Furries
- Bravestar
- Hogging
- Libertarianism
- Lorf
- Malerymalamute
- Marry Your Pet
- maxsnowdog
- Mr. Hands The infamous Horse-fucking video
- Your resistance only makes my penis harder! The horse's reaction
- Poeticirony
- VegetaWorshipper
- WolfJLupus
- Zoophile
- Zeta toy A very useful site if you can't even find an animal willing to fuck you. Maybe you're a furry.
External Links
- Interview with a couple of horsefuckers.
- Zoo Skool -- a bestiality dating and advocacy site that also sells merchandise. The Promote Petism! section is very lulz inducing.
- BeastForum -- A forum for assgrabery and psychos who shove horse cocks into their anuses and other orifices.
- ZetaCreations -- A company that creates anatomically correct dildos of animal penises. Everything from dolphins and bears, to tigers and dragons.
- "Loving Your Beast" guide to animal humping by Ebon Lupus
- Contains bestiality drawings from prehistory, like cave-paintings of a guy fucking a horse.
- ZooTube365 -- It's like YouTube
- Beast Dating -- A/S/L/K9? (Total male members: 12112 , Total female members: 2129 - LOL)
- positive_zoo
- zoofriendly
- zetatoys
- This guy sells sexually trained dog for all your bestiality needs!
- Dog-on-Man Is Better Than Man-on-Dog, Right? -- Fehyaagg Savage's answer probably won't surprise you.
- Skankje Myers: Zoophilia -- Spawn of PZ.
- "I personally do not have an interest in bestiality...I’m not some sort of psychotic horse-raping weirdo."
- "Forceable penetrating a sheep is a bad, bad thing."
- "Ever owned a dog? They’ll come right up to you and start poking at your crotch."
- "What if you don’t have pants on at the time? And what if you maybe enjoy a little complication-free oral sex?"
- "Animals understand what sex is and they CAN communicate it. Not in words, of course, but in action."
- "Unless the zoophile is trying to engage in sex with a baby animal...the animal is sexually mature."
- "morality is irrelevant when applied to unharmful sex."
- JESUS CHRIST, YOU CANNOT UNSEE IT.
- Cocking the spaniel.
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Bestiality is part of a series on bad things happening to animals. |
