Secks

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

(Redirected from Sex)

Jump to: navigation, search

"Fuck" redirects here. For the mental conditions, see Sick Fuck and Bureaucratic Fuck.

Sex: something you will never experience as an ED Wikipedia member

Helps with communication.

A common sexual position.

Sex, also known as 'sexy time', 'girly yum-yum', 'fucking', 'poon tiggity tang tong', 'hide the sausage', 'breeding', 'snatching the snizz', 'rape,' 'hanky-panky,' 'that thing I fap to but never experience,' and 'making (sweet, sweet) love', is primarily a bodily function with the purpose of perpetuating the survival of the species and, more appropriately, to ensure that ones AIDS contaminated gene pool continues to remind future generations why Hitler wasn't so off the mark in attempting to genocide the blight on evolution and humanity that is the Jew. Possibly the best thing ever.

Note: your hand does not constitute sex and, in fact, means you're gay.

In its superficial form, sex is an act of passion and love and can occur in a variety of modus operandi including IRL intercourse, Internets sex and phone sex (from fapping to 'dirty talk' with a loved one to inserting an iPhone set to 'vibrate' into the anus or vagoo and calling it repeatedly on redial). Things such as chemistry, beer, chloroform and sex toys can be used to enhance the sexual experience for both parties -or groups up to ~~500~~ 620 but usually involving over 9000.

It is also something you will probably never have, because you looked it up on ED, and much like the editors of this (incredibly short, pointless and crap filled) article, you're here instead of actually having sex. However, admitting to being a virgin will lead your peers to shun you so relentlessly that you may be driven to An Heroism so as a public service, ED presents the following video primer:

Dwayne Holloway luvs Fuck

Your first experience with sex may have been catching your parents going at it when you were too young to understand what you were seeing and reported it to your homeroom, but it is more likely that it was at the 'hands' of said parents. It is important to note that this in no way ensures you are their child.

Sex before television.

Sex as viewed by wikipedophiles (note the teddy bear).

This is known as 'intercourse' to poor conservative bastards who are afraid of the number "Six" in Latin.

When masturbation is a perfectly viable alternative, and porn is easily available to anyone who can load a browser (except links, which only supports text-porn due to non-compliance with the porn standards of at least 100 years ago), sex generates a surprising amount of drama, especially in the Jewish controlled LJ porn communities.

Recent studies, titled the Differential K Theory conclude that because black males are able to get significantly more emo and Attention Whores, they have significantly less time for education. Their sexually charged lifestyles are therefore at fault for their failure as a race - by Caucasian standards (because they can't get any). On a related note, people from China scored significantly less in the study in sex, but higher in success. Luckily their culture is quickly moving towards a sexually dominated one (read: happier).

According to one of TIME Magazine's recent number statistics, only 4% of Americans have never had sex. Coincidentally, they all were avid users of the internets.

This video gives you a proper view of what really goes on during sex. Beware the money shot.

Don't worry if you are too young

I have your chat log...

If you are too young and you think your parents may catch you try:

Doing it in the car
Doing it in the public toilets
Doing it at school (but not in athletic sheds--you will be caught)
Doing it at a friends house
Doing it outside in a muddy puddle for lulz. (If you decide to do this, take pics pl0x.)

Sex life

In Soviet Russia Girl fucks YOU!

Sex life refers to the period of time (usually 6 months) in a relationship that both parties have intercourse with each other. The life, more often referred to as decline can be seen below.

Month 1: 60 intercourses , 20 blowjobs
Month 2: 50 intercourses , 20 blowjobs
Month 3: 30 intercourses , 10 blowjobs
Month 4: 10 intercourses , 2 blowjobs
Month 5: 3 intercourses , 1 blowjobs
Month 6: 1 intercourses , 0 blowjobs

Myth: Marriage resets sex life to month 1.

Truth: Being a nerd brings your sex life to month 0, and you will be unable to advance. EVAR.

Methods

Gallery of sex

Ghey Secks.	No Comment.	Mario doesn't know how to sex people up.	For great justice...
Please- not so fast!	Guess what she did.	Probably the best things you can do or say to get into a girl's pants. Take notes guys.	Nice n' Juicy.
white girls love black cock.	A girl reading a book about sex.	Earsex in action.	Claudia and Dorian Thorn having sex.