Liberalism
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
- This article is about anti-conservatism. For other meanings, please see the Liberal disambiguation page.
Liberals are terrorists so open minded that their brains have fallen out. They Are Also The cancer that is killing Human Civilization They enjoy watching the government buttfuck people into submission to pay moar taxes. Known for their hatred of America, themselves, and God, they are much maligned on LJ, TV and IRL. This group typically believes that there is no natural law or such thing as morality and diversity is good (as long as you are not a conservative, fetus, or white person). Likewise, they strongly oppose killing niggers and believe that you should be able to burn a flag whenever you want because of the "First Amendment". Ironically, they believe the Second Amendment is meaningless. To be a liberal you must first worship the liberal god, Al Gore. After that you have to believe in every fucking piece of shit that falls out of a donkey's ass. If you ever venture into a college campus, you will find that at least 100 percent of the people there claim to be liberals when in fact, they are just doing it because they think it makes them rebellious.
To put it short, liberalism is Emo in political form.
Contents |
[edit] Issues
[edit] Fundamental Beliefs
Liberals love to play the 'victim' game; in leftist thought, everyone is always oppressing someone or something, be it males, heterosexuals, whites, Christians, or Capitalists (i.e. the people responsible for every technological and civil advancement in human history), there is always an oppressor lurking in every corner. This is because liberals are, at their core, self-defeating. Liberals hate themselves and use this self-loathing as a tactic; for example, liberals tie themselves to trees, lay down on the ground in front of police, etc. They also believe that "the status quo iz evil" and is always wrong in all cases, with no exceptions whatsoever, and that everyone who disagrees with this is just an "oppressive white racist sexist homophobic xenophobic right-wing christian extremist/fundamentalist fascist imperialist NAAAAAAAZZZZZIIIIIIII !!!1!!11!111oneoneoneeleven".
And they believe, on the flip side, that no one should ever have the right to call liberal views what they are - "garbage".
So much for tolerance, huh? Such loving and kind people!
Liberals tend to bring out the infamous 1984 bogeyman, and believe in ever-increasing powers of the state, and seek to eliminate the power of the individual to resist the omnipotent power of law through guns, which they seek to pry out of your cold, dead fingers. They fail to see the lulz that 1984 is about a socialist country. Most claim that we are being MINDFUCKED BY CORPORATIONS, YOU INFERIOR FOOLS!!! The most extreme ones will be the ones saying "Peace and happiness, man!" while planning to steal gas or oil to make more fire bombs which they can then throw through the windows of a US Army recruitment center.
[edit] Education
Young Americans are brainwashed at most colleges and universities into thinking that white, male Americans are evil; diversity is to be worshiped above God; Communism will save all of their asses. None of these things are true, but if you point that out to your average professor you will be arbitrarily failed. Just ask Ruth Malhotra.
Liberal professors believe in showing garbage such as An Inconvenient Truth and Sicko in math class - when those movies have absolutely NOTHING to do with math and only serve to mentally jack them off.
Universities, thanks to the pollution of student bodies by these demon seed of Ward Churchill and Dana Cloud, are the last place normal people will find freedom of expression. Instead, they will find death threats from their fellow students should they refuse to take a course entitled "Modern Queerology in Redneck America".
A crappy movie was made about this; it contains Frodo from LotR, the chick from Annapolis, and the dyke from Girl, Interrupted.
[edit] Religion
Basically Environmentalists. Liberals also are stridently anti-Christian and pro-Islam, which means by extension they support terrorism and wish to rape and murder God's gift to America, the Bush twins (even though it's already easy to fuck them: just ask them politely). Liberals are generally Jewish, depressed or poor and love abortions. Which is only second to drinking the blood of newborns in their pantheon of hatred and godlessness.
Liberals prefer to suck the cocks of Islamofags while surrendering large portions of their freedom to Arabs who wish to destroy it. For this reason, liberals are enthusiastically facilitating Islam's takeover of Western Civilization by showing support of a barbaric culture which would have them stoned to death if they showed their ankles in public.
[edit] Economy
In diametrical opposition to the values on which America was founded, liberals believe that mankind is hopeless without government intervention. They trade individualism, initiative, and self-reliance for government paternalism which stems from not being taught to manage their money by their single mothers. In other words, liberals are not happy unless the government is doing everything for them which they should be doing for themselves -- such as masturbating. According to a study conducted by the nation's top physicians, liberals are prone to severe depression and aggression whenever the long, thick cock of Government is not embedded in everyone's rectums.
(People who are in favor of small government and call themselves liberals, are either anarchists that flunked Political Science 101, dipsticks that can't tell the difference between classical and modern liberalism, or VERY confused libertarians. 'Nuff said.)
When you confront a liberal, they prefer to be called a "LIEberal", because it's clever, and one must wear a big smile on their face and speak down to them with a stern tone as if they were a child throwing a tantrum. Liberals are also obsessed with some company called Haliburton, so presumably they must have stock in that company. Just dismiss their rants about how great they are doing, and tell them you’re glad that they’ve invested well in a great American company. Be warned, prolonged exposure to liberals has been proven to cause random dismemberment due to menstrual blood traveling at fantastic velocities.
[edit] Environment
Liberals believe that the rights of poison ivy and spotted barn owls trump the rights of human beings. They have concocted a massive hoax known as "Global Warming" so that they may continue to subject private citizens to buttsecks under the guise of "saving the planet." Liberals tend to advocate abortion on demand while protesting against the barbarism of mousetraps.
Liberals have tree senses. For example, whenever a man chops down a tree for firewood, liberals' tree senses start to tingle in their lower regions and can tell a tree is in danger. This sense is used so liberals can hunt down the man and organize a fundraiser/protest/sit-in/orgy to protect the tree.
[edit] Buttfucking rights
Liberals are often deathly afraid of anyone who doesn't worship fags and dykes and labels them "homophobes", which means "one who is afraid of fags". This is another example of how leftards abuse the English language in the name of political correctness, since people who hate fags or are indifferent to "gay rights" are not, strictly speaking, afraid of them. Don't mention this to a liberal though, because they will launch into a rant about how English is a language created by privileged white males and therefore they can redefine words and suffixes at will.
TL;DR, see fucktard.
[edit] A lesson about why liberalism is fail
[edit] Australian liberals are conservatives
A leftard obviously shat out this cartoon:
[edit] List of Liberals/Libtards
- Al Gore
- Conservatives
- John Edwards
- JFK
- Aspies for Freedom
- Hillary Clinton
- Barack Hussein Obama
- Dennis Kucinich
- Mark B. Cohen
- Michael Moore
- Kanye West
- All teenagers
- Hollywood (except for that chick on Everybody Loves Raymond, Frasier, and probably the dog from Frasier)
- Anyone in college who majors in Sociology, Communication, Race/Gender Studies, Interfamily Breeding: Practice and Application, Political Science, etc.
- Magical Trevor
- Aliens
- Montel Williams
- Noam Chomsky
- Jerry Springer
- Dr. Phil
- Judge_Kozinsky
- The Iron Giant
- Janice Jordan
- James Fagan
- Chankachankaboo
- Satan
[edit] Things Liberals like to do
- Bite on a lemon while getting barebacked by another fellow AIDS-infected liberal.
- Contribute absolutely nothing to society whatsoever.
- Pour your Starbucks coffee.
- Buy Apple Products
- Join peta
- Have sex and kill your baby
- Install Home Security Systems to fend off burglars without using the liberal's arch enemy, the gun.
- Go to a church, throw a grenade in the door, run. Repeat steps in different towns.
- Quote 1984, Animal Farm, or Brave New World (all books that take place in liberal societies)
- Complain
- Post long-winded rants that turn into flame wars
- Burn Bibles and Talmuds, but not Qu'rans because liberals think Islam is "beautiful" and "peaceful" since it is not a part of Western civilization and is therefore "exotic" to them (even though Islam is the complete antithesis of liberalism).
- Lose
- Have long discussions about the movie BioDome
- Tax things
- Complain
- Have unprotected underage sex in their trailer parks and ghetto blocks.
- Deny that trailer trash are considered liberals despite the evidence that they are.
- Kill their baby and in the same day protest the execution of a necrophiliac, mass murdering rapist.
- Complain
- Hate your own race (if you're white)
- Claim to be against racism but look the other way when big black thugs pick on the nerdy Azn kids in the back of the bus or harass Arab and Indian gas station attendants.
- Call everyone "racist" and/or "Nazi" even though they practice opportunistic "silent" racism (the token black guy/girl custom)
- Patronize minorities from the comfort of their white gated-off suburban neighborhoods.
- Clutch their wallets/purses for dear life when they come in the presence of said minorities.
- Use words such as "hegemony" excessively, which they pretend to understand but secretly do not.
- Drive SUVs.
- Listen to Conservative talk radio. There is no liberal talk radio, so liberals listen to Bill O'Reilly, then call him a fat stupid asshole and disagree with everything he says. Then they fail to realize that
he too is a liberalhe is a douchebag playing a role. - Watch furry porn
- Try to ban cigarettes while lobbying for the legalization of pot.
- Continue the rebellious period in their teen years where most people say "FUCK YOU" to their parents then grow out of it. Liberals still hate daddy for spanking them after catching them in the closet jacking off on the cat's fur.
- Associate God, Republicans, Police and Military figures (U.S. Military, they would rub any invading country's soldier's balls while they raped them in the ass) - basically anyone with authority because they remind them of their daddy. The only adult figures who are accepted by Liberals are their pot smoking whacked out college professors because they remind them of the stoner uncle they had that broke their ass-hymen for the first time.
- Call people fascists, while printing out shitloads/spraying graffiti of their own propaganda.
- Protest the cutting of trees with huge paper signs that are sometimes stapled to a piece of lumber.
- Claim they care about said trees, and then spike them in an effort to kill loggers.
- Take it in the ass
- Attend art school.
- Complain
- End all of their anti-conservative smears with a question mark, a clever political slogan or "oh wait."
- Live in Kommiefornia or Massachusetts.
- Marry people from other cultures, or possibly their own sex.
- Complain, again
- Accuse institutions and countries they disagree with of apartheid and fascism while not knowing that the terms are actually self-descriptive.
- Complain, yet again
- Talk about how Republicans fuck everything up without giving solutions.
- Complain moar
- Take it in the ass a few more times, while complaining.
- Apologizing
- Forcing other people to apologize
- Protest (like the politicians give a shit)
- Make conspiracies
- Repetitively list "Complain" like a 13-year-old boy
- Worship Scientology and Obama
- Act stereotypically Conservative for the lulz -This case is extremely rare, as it is made entirely of awesome and win, with not an ounce of the usual liberal ingredients, pot and complaint.
- Suffocate while complaining.
- Trying to trap and fuck Manbearpig.
- Letting people know that they have a lot of multicultural friends.
- Forming cults
- Waste news time by protesting
- Try to get things censored, instead of parodying it.
- Attempt to convince people that they are a victim.
- Put more sand up their vagina.
[edit] Popular Liberal Websites
[edit] Gallery
 Napalm: the correct method of eradicating insects in nest |
 What Conservapedia thinks of liberals |
 Who doesn't? |
 Markos Alberto Moulitsas Fuckface Judas Buttsniff "Kos" Zúniga, King of the Libtards |
 Typical liberal political campaign |
 (Top) Democrats on YouTube, and a conservative response. (Bottom) |
 ...that Liberals suck balls! |
 Canada gets it...why doesn't America? |
 Joseph Kennedy was not the only Kennedy to worship Hitler |
 Average Democrat |
 You can't spell "Democrat" without "emo" |
 Typical non punk liberal. |
 Furfaggotry and Liberalism go together so well. |
 What ALL Obama voters keep in their closets. |
