City of Heroes
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
CoX is a superhero themed game, but contrary to this it's actually an online hookup program for horny perverted 40 year old men and the entire population of /d/. Some of them will make a character based somewhat on a superhero and work in mature themes, however most will make catgirls with cocks, tentacles, shapeshifting, and mind control abilities. Others with more repressed sexual tendencies will make them children with the same qualities. Meanwhile, the errant /b/tards who miss the old /b/ will sit back and lulz/rage at these pedophiles. If confronted about their sexual tendencies they will infinitely deny it while pretending to have epic battles or secret lesbian futa poker. When confronted with evidence, they will immediately call everyone around them a child, and then their inner pedophile will cause them to become aroused. While most sane human beings will refer to this as "cybersex" They refer to it as "RPing" (roleplaying) This primarily occurs on the Virtue server, which used to be for roleplaying, now it's just for quick fucks.
Contents |
[edit] The Game
There are five Origins for your character: Natural, Magic, Science, Mutant, and Technology. Origin does nothing for your stats except give you a shitty themed power that you'll never use again after level 10, and they are pretty much exactly the fucking same anyway. The five Archetypes (classes) are as follows:
- Blaster: This class shoops whoops and kills things with fire. At least, that's what they'd like to be doing, but they spend 90% of their playtime dead because they're pussies.
- Controller: Psychics, Weather-changers, and pet summoners. Usually played by goth chicks and furries.
- Defender: The whiny healing buffbitch, with powers like Storm and Jean Grey. Defenders are in denial about their job as heal bitch though, and as such they are ridiculously easy to troll. Just tell them their job is to heal and nothing else for an instant webrage. Tell them you have a 50 emp who leaves the heal on autofire to cause a school shooting.
- Scrapper: Batman, Wolverine, and about 20 kinds of swords/martial arts powersets. Basement dwellers become Scrappers to live out their Pirate/Ninja fantasies.
- Tanker: Supposed to be like The Hulk. The Tanker's job is to piss shit off and get their asses kicked so you don't have to. Played by control freaks who want to feel needed.
The game takes place in Paragon City, Rhode Island (LOL WUT?). You begin the game in a low-level area known as Galaxy City, where you walk around beating up niggers and skinheads for stealing peoples' bikes. You can choose to go to Atlas Park instead, but it takes longer to get anywhere, it's the site of daily costume contests, and the average player IQ in Atlas is lower than /b/. The last point is redundant. You gain XP and lewt, and advance in level like any other MMO. The high-level area is Skyway City, where you only go if you're a n00b wanting to be an hero, or if your power level is in excess of nine thousand, where you take on gangs, The Man, otaku, maniacal supervillains, and the entire population of /b/ (the fight you absolutely cannot win).
[edit] Enemies in "CoX"
Nemesis- Nemesis is a German jew who is behind every tragedy around the world, from 9/11 to the Holocaust.
Council- Alien Robot Werewolf Vampire Soldiers. Used to be a group of nazis called the 5th Column until the Devs decided to replace them with a group of Italian fascists and rename them. The leader of the 5th Column was a bad ass alien gestapo named Requiem who had fire powers, but now it's run by some crazy old guy.
Malta- The closest thing to IRL depiction of Anonymous, with an Illuminati twist. Hate metahumans. Everyone hates Malta because they fuck your shit up.
Carnival of Shadows- Group of feminazis who act like circus performers.
Freakshow- Sex Pistols fanboys who hate the man. Enjoy sticking metal into their skin.
Trolls- Former homeless niggers turned into literal fucking trolls via drug abuse. They get back at whitey with human slavery of their own. Srsly.
Crey- Haliburton.
Red Caps- lawn gnomes
[edit] PvP
Eventually the day came in which the company would give the game what the thousands of butthurt ex-WoW players begged for: PvP. The fans cried out in horror to find that their 1337 builds can only kill a bunch of brain-dead NPCs, while against another player it was the equivalent of watching paint dry, since nobody would die. After some research and fapping, a group of basement dwellers found out that certain builds could be better than others and started giving them the term 'FoTM'. Unfortunately, everything went downhill after that since our favorite competitive players overheard the shitstorm and began to fag up another game. Instead of playing through the game, they would get their Fire/Fire Tanker or Fire/Kinetics Controller buddies to Power Level them to max level and then PvP.
Watching a PvP match is like watching a bunch of monkeys jump up and down and throw poop. PvEers like to go into PvP zones and not PvP, instead doing things like earning badges, role play and getting the bonus. Because PvPers actually try to do PvP in PvP zones, PvEers get butthurt and think that they are superior to PvPrs because they "play the real game", but in reality they're too dumb to do anything but fight endless waves of braindead NPCs and too scrubby to compete.
Since the Developers realized that PvP was too shitty and that fixing it would require rewriting the whole game engine, they were lazy fucks and just fixed one thing at a time during every update. PvEers like to claim that PvP was responsible for all the nerfs that ever happened and that the devs spend too much time on PvP, but they just miss being overpowered. With the new issue, PVP got even more massively raped, causing many to leave the game.
[edit] Issues
The game's updates, or expansions, if you will, are released in little comic-like satires known as Issues. Keeping such mentalities to all of the faggy massive MMO players to feel that a game is reaching out to them IRL. (But personally, I don't think the devs give a shit about anyone in particular). These issues release extensive story-lines, zones, player builds, and all around moar sukk.
[edit] City of Villans
City of Villains was created when everybody remembered that comic book villains were always so much cooler than their pussy hero counterparts. CoV introduced PvP to the game so that heroes could become an heroes after getting raeped by villains. In addition, you can have a lair and keep personal hookers in them, which is way cooler than just having a gang. In City of Villains, you can do fun things like burn books, kidnap and torture school teachers, and bomb buildings. Devs finally decided it is no longer "too soon" and will implement school shooting instances in future updates.
Archetypes are as follows:
- Stalker- You typical stealth bitch. Loved by otakus because they can play ninjas. Hated by all PvEers. Same thing as scrapper
- Brute- The Hulk. Hits stuff and gets angry, much like your father after his 5th beer. Same thing as Tanker
- Dominator- Control powers. Get buffs for inflicting pain. Played by sick fucks. Same thing as a Controller
- Corrupter- Buff bitch. Also can shoot things. No one really cares about that. Exact same thing as a Defender
- Mastermind- Only true villain in the game because he makes others do the work for him. Pets range from pooponiggers, dead niggers, robot niggers, nigger slaying mercenaries, and ninjas. Only archetype not carbon copied and modified.
[edit] Marvel Comics Lawsuit
At least 100 years ago, Marvel was feeling butthurt over the shittiness of X-Men 2, and sued NCSoft on the grounds of copyright infringement, because everyone in the game was rolling up Storm, Cyclops, Wolverine, or Professor Xavier. NCSoft and the CoH dev team were all like, "lawl, fair use," and they were the clear winnars. Marvel responded by not releasing Marvel Universe Online, which nobody plays because Windows Vista is a god-awful turdcake and only rednecks and retards play XBox Live.
[edit] See Also
 |
City of Heroes is part of a series on MMORPGs. |
|
 |
City of Heroes is part of a series on Gaming. |
|
