DotA
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Defense of the Ancients, or DotA, is a custom game for Warcraft 3 that is used to wean World of Warcraft addicts from their habit, but eventually becomes habit forming itself, similarly to how methadone was used to cure heroin addiction. Although DotA is one of the most popular games today, playing it is like rolling around in shit while doing Jack Thompson's mom, disgusting,unpleasant and downright shitty.
Contents |
What is DotA?
Think Warcraft 3 but instead of controlling an army you control a single character and your army runs towards the enemy as if they are bored with life and you can't do shit about it. The game primarily consists of you killing the mindless drones on the opposing force to gain experience and gold, using that gold to buy items for your character and using the experience to learn and upgrade abilities. Hopefully your character will become strong enough to defeat the opposing characters so you can destroy their base. To its credit though playing DotA is like a complete MMORPG experience in thirty minutes however this is also a bad thing because despite the fact it doesn't consume your life it still feels like you're playing WoW.
The shit that DOTA truly is
DotA is not only maybe the most boring game ever, but is the ONLY map that most of the population on Warcraft 3 plays. As a matter of fact, one thing that's a lot more fun than DOTA is the "how few DotA games can you find on the screen at once after refreshing game." To do this, you simply click refresh, and then watch as 80% or more of all the maps that show up are DotA.
Moar reasons that DotA is shit are…
- It's like WoW. Playing a game that's LIKE WoW is like jerking off to n00d picz of girls that LOOK under 18.
- It's not newfag friendly.
- There's gay shit everywhere.
- OMG
CLINKZTECHIES+ALCHEMKISTGENERAL PROUDMOORE BOAT THROWINGNESS OMGOMGOMG IS RIGGED!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@ - Along with every other new character in the past 5 versions...
- People use blinkstrike to run away from Proudmoore!
- Just trying to learn to play is like ROFLSTOMPING your self respect because you're a fuck if you are full of n00b
DotA and blame-shifting
A favorite pastime of 95% of DotA players is to make excuses when they get owned, in a pathetic attempt to shield themselves from the harsh reality that their own shortcomings have just been exposed for the world to see, and to try to maintain what little crumbs the other players probably never held in their minds that the dead player in question is in fact, a good player at all. Excuses are many, ranging from "lag", to "LAAAG" to "LOL I WASN'T WATCHING (tharfore surely i wud have owned yuo)", or another favorite one "Where was my team! What you guys doin?!?! Yall jackin off over there or what?!" On top of this, dissatisfaction often manifests itself amongst some players regarding their inability to do jack shit but sit there and take a fat Blademaster cock up the ass when they get raped by ownage combos, usually in the form of post-death mockery such as "i can push one buttens and get kills WOOO". In this example, "WOOO" is the noise of a child uncontrollably shitting its pants and crying.
In many cases especially in the Philippines, people who become "PROS" in this so-called "game" turn out to be n00bs in real life. They play DotA as a lame excuse so that they can tell others that they play Warcraft. At least 100 years ago, Warcraft 3 is now called DotA. Ask a regular dota playing Filipino what Warcraft is and he will LOL WUT? Also, DotA is already an excuse to fail IRL. DotA just became a shitty medium to condescend to their total lack of actual skill in real time strategy gaming. Such people are called DotArds. See retard.
Many variations of the DotA map exist. Some maps cater to Narutards. Others, like Tides of Blood, cater to fuckwits with a scatological sense of humor
DotA players
The average DotA player is not only a retard, he is also usually a fucktard and a homo who sucks cock everyday. They have usernames such as Iluvlittleboys223,M1(H43L _| and Iamtehsuxxorz365, GapingChasm.
The DotA community is somewhat reminiscent of the Counter-Strike community and I'm not just talking about how members of both communities seem to never get bored of playing the same map over and over. Both communities are full of people who play no other video games and obviously don't think the game is fun at all, the only reason they keep playing is because they are one of the rare few that actually stuck at it long enough to get consistent results and now they have no other life to go back to so the game becomes their everything: their source of social interaction, their source of accomplishments and the source of the illusion that they are actually doing something with their lives.
Basically this means that when you play DotA that if your team is losing you can expect to flamed by the loser who's sole purpose in life is to pwn at DotA.
Effects of playing DotA
One of the dreadful effects of watching or playing DotA is the reduction of a bit of your IQ. Another is a slow, horrible death due to internal hemorrhaging. It is also known that your head can will explode due to the sheer retardation level and shittiness of the game.
Those whose minds are simple/retarded/stupid enough to somehow TAKE the overall shittiness will have their minds liquefied into a fine goo and transformed into an addict, which is why most DotArds play their shitty game 24/7.
DotA and noobs
As stated above DotA is not newfag friendly, this isn't because the game is near impossible to master properly (like Pacman) but rather it is completely and totally over complicated. In DotA, there are roughly eighty one hundred characters each with their own stats and unique abilities and almost as many items. To make matters worse in order to actually acquire good items you have to merge items together in what they call a "recipe" which causes the simple decision of choosing an item to increase your agility to take 60 seconds or longer which adds up because you have to keep buying items or you will get pwned hardcore.
This complicated system results in literally over 9000 different combinations. One would expect that you could simply stick with a handful of characters you actually like but you'd be wrong, the people who obsess over DotA get a great deal of pleasure reminding you of how their mastery is far superior by choosing the "all random" mode which means you could be playing as any of the eighty characters available and to make matters worse all the "hardened" DotArds expect that you have had extensive experience with all characters and memorized all item and ability related documentation.
In the event you are unable to live up to the standards of the benevolent veterans you can expect to be slandered and mocked at every turn. Eventually word will get around about how much you suck so you can expect to be instantly booted from any DotA games you try and join which will prevent you from gaining any useful experience leaving you no choice but to become an hero (or go back to Halo, but who wants to live with that kind of shame?).
Trolling a DotA Game
The sole reason to play this game (other than that of being a loser) is to troll it. Seeing as how anyone who plays this game only has a life in it, you can expect any and every other player of this interwebbz game to go COMPLETELY FUCKING PSYCHO every time they see a n00b or a troll. Heaven forbid someone will ruin a perfectly good game for them!
Trolling a DotA game is simple and lulzy. All you need to do is go into a game that says "DOTA NO NOOBS" or "DOTA PROZ ONLY" and act like the noob fuck that you are. Not only does this piss off everyone else in the game, but it means they have to express it with swears, flames, and the host has to remake the game from the very beginning, resulting in a huge waste of time. You can also join games that are nearly full, after typing that you're ready, and that you're not a noob, wait for it to start. A countdown will start , and before the host can react (preferably at the 1 second mark) press ESC for massive lulz.
Other things you can do:
- Pick Holy Knight and cast Redemption on allies non stop
- Pick Bloodseeker and cast Bloodrage on allies non stop
- Pick Pudge and cast Hook on allies non stop
- Pick Tiny and toss their ass into a group of fags.
- Pick Vengeful Spirit, run into an enemy group, then use Nether Swap on an ally
- Pick Keeper of the light save enough gold for a blink dagger blink into a place no one cant get to or get out of. blink to that place cast your ultimate spell then cast the spell which teleports people to you. watch as they rage that they cant move.
Another and more effective way (as it means you don't have to bother leaving your current game and entering a new one) is by simply clicking on Menu (top of screen) and then "Save Game". This is superior to pausing the game, as saving the game means NOBODY KNOWS IT WAS YOU. Saving the game results in every other person's DotA game freezing as it is for 20-30 seconds or so, depending on the latency rate of other people.
In a sad, pathetic attempt to reduce the amount of drama in DotA games, Many hosts claim to use a banlist that will INSTANTLY BLOW UP YOUR COMPUTER AND GIVE YOU AIDS the second you leave a game. Aspiring trolls need not worry though, because 99% of people screaming "LEAVERS WILL BE BANNED" don't have one in the first place, and because banlists don't do shit anyway since no one took the time to make one that doesn't completely suck.
Still not happy with the amount of trolling you've done? Feel free to add a host or SERIOUS PLAYER to your friends list and continue to talk shit. While spamming a player will quickly get squelched or temp-b& from WC3, shit talking with at least decent grammar is bait that every DotA player needs to bite. Talk about how they we're the worst fucking dragon knight you've ever seen. Make fun of their score, their level, or anything game related. Stay clear of personal attacks or anything a 13-year-old boy would write, they'll just ignore you. However, if you DARE TO FUCKING MAKE FUN OF THEIR PLAY STYLE, OHHHHHHHHHH YOU'RE IN FOR IT NOW!!!!!
A DotA Players Worst Nightmare
When a DotA player finds them self silenced by some moron who thinks its fun to watch them slowly get eaten by teh silencing DoT spells that prevent you from turning invisible and retreating into the forest, they instantly grab their cocks (providing that most if not all DotA players are of the male persuasion) and rip it off. They then melt off their chair, stool, or couch in the basement of their parents house and are never seen again!!!!!11oneone!!!eleven
DotA and the least cool music video ever
Swedish homosexual Basshunter wrote a techno song about DotA which somehow managed to get high in the charts of backwards countries like Denmark. According to some people Basshunter is very famous, although no one outside of his home town has ever heard of him.
NOTE: It is delightfully fitting that "Basshunter" has decided to portray himself as living at home with his mother in this video.
Typical Dota Games
This is a typical game of dota. Where people RQ(Rage Quit) every few seconds.
This KotL shows us how a DotA game should be played.
A shitty blog made by a DotA player.
 |
DotA is part of a series on Gaming. |
|
