Japan

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Japan.

Adaptable and self-effacing, a Japanese will blend into almost any environment.

Suitable for trolling purposes.

The country currently known as Japan (from the Spanish japon, meaning "Happy Fun Jap World,") is an island chain located in Asia (West of America). Japan is ruled by fascism. Japan currently has the fifth largest military budget in the world and are working on developing nuclear weapons. They've got the world cornered on nonviolent crazy (the Middle East has the world cornered on violent crazy). Despite having been destroyed over the years by Godzilla and a variety of other gigantic monsters (and being nuked for teh lulz), Japan has always heroically risen from the ashes. It is currently the main source of things like bondage porn not featuring ugly people in latex, hentai, anime, tiny cellphones, and, in an extraordinary example of genetic drift, your mother. National sports include kancho, panty pulling, Bug Fighting, and throwing oneself in front of a moving train while exclaiming, "I told u I was hardcore." Japs rarely exceed 150cm in height. The males look like females and females look like males. Their skin tends to be yellow because of their tendencies to bathe in urine. They dye their hair all colours because they are ashamed of their mongoloid features. Most Japs would much rather be white.

1 World War II
2 Getting Owned
3 Culture
4 Japanophiles
5 Japanese Language
6 Jap Dads
7 How To Troll
8 Fun Facts!
9 Gallery
10 See also
11 External Links
12 Video Links

[edit] World War II

After having buttsecks with Hitler, Emperor Hirohito sent his troops into Manchuria because they refused to eat sushi or buy Tamagotchis. The Japanese soldiers proceeded to rape, pillage and bukkake the Chinese to death.

President Roosevelt sent a telegram to Hirohito requesting buttsecks too, but due to a mis-translation, the Japanese flew over Pearl Harbor and sunk a few battleships by dropping Toyota's and Pocky on the Harbor.

Roosevelt got really pissed off, so he built a couple of fucking huge jizz bombs and dropped them on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, which completely bukkaked the top of Mount Fuji.

BOOM! PWNED!

Japan surrendered, and to this day millions of Japanese climb Mount Fuji to commemorate the hugest fucking bukkake splash in history.

The Japs were such pussies and had such little self respect for themselves, that instead of fighting Americans, they decided to surrender and make themselves bitches of America. Til this day, Japs remain bitches of America, catering to their every needs, from building bases, to performing felatio. 20,000 U.S. troops are stationed in Japan at any given time. Since being slaughtered by the Americans, the Japs have learned to play it safe. Now, when an American says jump, the Jap says how high. America has many military bases throughout Japan, where Japs regularly send their daughters to be trained on how to have sex. Most of the Jap women beg the G.I.'s to take them home and get away from the girly looking men, and their shithole country. Today's results proved America made the right decision by nuking them. Japan is completely under the control of the U.S. and we have them cranking out little cameras on demand.

[edit] Getting Owned

Japs got served in ww2. Two nukes were dropped on them. Not one, but two nukes. America needed someone to test the bombs on, and who better than a bunch of slopes? Americans had considered fighting them hand to hand, but decided Japs weren't even worth the time. The nukes were a practical and efficient way of dealing with such low lives. Til this day, japs are still mad about being bombed and are plotting to get revenge. They are only the 5th largest spender in military research in the world. They are planning to make the perfect nuke.

The Japs were such pussies and had such little self respect for themselves, that instead of fighting Americans, they decided to surrender and make themselves bitches of America. Til this day, Japs remain bitches of America, catering to their every needs, from building bases, to performing felatio. 20 000 U.S. troops are stationed in Japan at any given time. Since being slaughtered by the Americans, the Japs have learned to play it safe. Now, when an American says jump, the Jap says how high. America has many military bases throughout Japan, where Japs regularly send their daughters to be trained on how to have sex. Most of the Jap women beg the G.I.'s to take them home and get away from the girly looking men, and their shithole country. Today's results proved America made the right decision by nuking them. Japan is completely under the control of the U.S. and we have them cranking out little cameras on demand.

This is where a Jap belongs. In a camp. I don't know why they let them out. We could have opened up a sweatshop in the camp.

[edit] Culture

No comment.

Japanese Used-Panty Vending Machine

Actual Japanese underwear. Srsly, WTFF?!

Little-known Fact: Little Red Riding Hood was Japanese and partial to the nutz.

[edit] Faggotry

Bath time.

Ancient Japanese enjoyed having gay sex in bath houses. Homosexuality was openly accepted in Japan until Westerners, in kindness and fatherly loev, showed them the path to enlightenment. Although unaccepted in today's society, Japs still enjoy hours of gay sex each day. Some experts have argued that the Japs enjoy gay sex because many of the men look like women. When asked about gay sex, factory worker Tojo responded, "There's nothing like a few hours of gay sex after a long days work at the sweat shop."

Like other citizens of Asia, Japanese men have small penises and all Japanese women have small breasts. Any Japanese woman you see with normal or large breasts has implants - and that's a fact. Another similarity is Japanese women have dyed brown hair, have bangs some 10 inches in length covering their foreheads (which they also use to tentacle rape themselves), and are completely submissive to White men or women, even though all Japanese are racist against every other race. This is of course owing to their nutty blood type obsession - like the Western version of astrology - and their incessant cockgulping of Nazi Germany. The only women who are not totally submissive are the terrifying Ganguro girls.

Pedophilia is not only accepted in Japan, but also highly mandatory. 110% of Japanese men are pedophiles. Many students haven open relationships with their teachers. When the Japs heard that Catholic priests were molesting little boys, their response was "We can do better than that." Legally the age of consent in Japan is 13, but usually Japanese boys lose their virginity at the ripe old age of the 2nd trimester after conception. The ugly ones survive until about 13, which is when they suddenly become attractive to Japanese men and tentacle monsters. This, in addition to the fact that the average Japanese 13 year old looks like a 6 year old of just about any other ethnicity, means that Japan is a haven for pedophiles around the world. Scat fetish is also popular. It is traditional for Japanese men to nose-bleed when sexually aroused, a tradition they had tried to export outside Japan through Anime. The reason Japanese people have such messed up fetishes is because normal porn is pretty much illegal. Actual sex has to be censored, and you can't see certain parts of the genitalia for both sexes. Some have argued the sickness of the Japs is a response to the radiation from the winbombs dropped on them during WW2. However, others argue they were just as sick before the war.

[edit] How to Win the Game in Japan

Back in the day, when a person was disgraced, or otherwise deemed it time to die, they would kill themselves via ritual seppuku. Truly, a man's death!

In the commission of seppuku, a man would grab his Japanese sword (katana) by the blade, then slice his belly horizontally and pull out his own guts, and when the pain was finally too much, his defeater-in-battle or friend (pending the situation) would decapitate the person. And for the truly manly, some would wrap paper around the sword to purposefully make it less sharp. In contemporary times, Seppuku has gone the way of the dodo, and has been replaced with Chuoside.

[edit] Kancho

Japan's old PM, Koizumi, fails at kancho.

Kancho is a Japanese term, which when taken in context in Azrael's stories of man-boy-love translates to "enema." He fears returning to the USA because of all his fans waiting to kancho his ass. Only he and his ex know what The Octopus is, and he is not telling. He also admits on his blog that he spends most of the time at his job asleep. Kancho is a sex move that gets the Japanese off because it stimulates the erogenous zone that gay men enjoy.

Instructions

Clasp hands together
Extend index fingers so they are pointing outward
Ram up someone's ass
Sniff your fingers
????
Profit!

The "game" was featured on the popular Anime Naruto, helping to spread its popularity. There is even an arcade game based on it, in which players are rated on how hard they can jam the finger-shaped controller into the prosthetic ass.

[edit] Whaling

A Japanese man being denied delicious whale.

Japan's favorite pastime, other than bukkake.

Last Thursday, the Australian government asked Japan to stop whaling in Australian waters, because they're not too keen on foreign countries killing an endangered species in their territorial waters for some reason.

Being a teeny-tiny bit sensitive to criticism, Japanese YouTubers and their sympathizers proceeded to hurl every bizarre insult at Australia that they could think of - in hilariously broken English - through the medium of YouTube comments and tl&b;dw videos. It would appear that Australia doesn't care about whales at all - they are just big kangaroo-killing racists, who want to destroy the Japanese culture(If only...) like they did to the Aboriginals, and they need to be sent back to the Death Railway.

How Aussies telling the Japs to GTFO of THEIR waters amounts to racism is unclear at this point. But much like the Chinese civilians after the last Japanese invasion of China, the Aussies are clearly asking for a decapitated-neckhole rapin’.

Lulzy YouTube quotes:

“	FUCKIN POMMY! POMMY is prisoner's descendant. The anti-whale fishing is a stupid religion. The anti-whale fishing is an important business of barbarous POMMY. Mean POMMY is isolated in the world. Let's exterminate all dirty POMMY. GOOOO TOOOO HELLLLLLLLLLL!!! POMMMYYYYYYYYYYYY!HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!	„
—pommybuster, not realizing that "Pommy" is slang for "Englishman".

“	aussies,dont you remember that many of you are ,i say, anglosaxon. anglo saxon, as its name shows,are from saxen in germany. u guys were just the same mother fuckers til brits tried to imitated and tried to become french. but genes remains. u r still as mother fucker as klaus.	„
—yahahahihi, who knows this because of his anthropological learnings.

“	Australia has too many Australians and Australians are destroying the environment of precious Australia. It is the same as a kangaroo. A kangaroo and Australians had better kill together. It is better to? kill both Australians with a kangaroo.	„
—774a00.

“	hi Nazistralian Harpooning aussies	„
—okinawa4649, in your waters, harpooning your d00ds.

“	Don't talk big in position of descendant from riminal. Do you want also to be invaded? I will be able to destroy five-rate nation like Australia at any time. I repeat it. Don't become conceited robber and raper'son.^^	„
—tometome77, International Tough Guy.

And the best one of all:

“	If I am stupid in ignorance, you are a hypocrite of the know-it-alls.	„
—ABURATANUKI.

Australia responds

“	Lawl STFU.	„
—Australia

[edit] Japanophiles

Every cosplayer ever

The purest form of faggotry.

Japanophiles are western people who love everything to do with Japan, even (especially?) the creepy bits, like the coin-operated panty dispensers and blackfaced, screeching women. They are usually fat and socially inept (male), or fat and delusional about their looks (female) and can be identified by their Cowboy Bebop wallscrolls, appreciation for J-pop and insistence on cosplaying. Not to mention walking around the city with a fucking Pocky sticking out of the mouth. Many Japanophiles are to be found at Colleges such as Earlham and Oberlin, where they form anime clubs and dress up like gay space elves with fox ears and capes.

Japanophilia is not to be confused with pedophilia, as there are several key differences. For example, pedophiles are obsessed with making love to children whereas Japanophiles are obsessed with Anime, writing with chopsticks, downloading gigabytes of hentai and annoying the fuck out of you at parties by talking at length about their interpretation of Neon Genesis Evangelion. Both, however, masturbate over pictures of schoolgirls.

Japanophiles do not reproduce by conventional means; most die as virgins and those that do not are usually imprisoned for rape. Instead, they use the internets to influence vulnerable teenagers to watch episodes of Trigun before leading them on to the harder (and less comprehensible) stuff. Soon the anime meme has infected the poor teen's brain and he has become a mindless Japanophile too.

The Japanophile's life cycle can end three ways; either dying an elderly virgin surrounded by small plastic figurines that cost hundreds of dollars each, being raped to death in prison (oh, teh irony!) or committing IRL self-pwnage after arriving at Japan and discovering that it's not full of enormously-breasted women who want to sleep with pasty, fat Caucasian lardballs. The last words of the latter Japanophiles are usually "Megatokyo lied to me..."

[edit] Japanese Language

Japanese is a language learned by losers who claim that they're learning it because they "enjoy Japanese culture" when they're actually enjoying anime. For their years of rigorous training, Japanese language teachers get to instruct unmotivated American teenagers in the basics again and again while one half writes Super Metroid fanfiction in class and the other watches the latest fansubbed ninja fanservice anime on their $2,000 laptops. Even though a tiny percentage actually finish the course, they have no real use for it other than fansubbing anime or re-translating a Final Fantasy game. This is a worthwhile use of their time since American translators are close-minded AmeriKKKans who are unable to understand the elevated cultural value of Japanese children's cartoons. As strange as it sounds, the last sentence is not irony.

In addition to speaking their native tongue, the Japanese also speak an interesting language called Engrish, which can be seen on many billboards and products. Jews have also migrated en mass to Japan and can often be seen doubling as sex dummies in vomitous kinky pornography, that strangely includes the Jews' favorite accessory, leaf blowers, in ways you don't want to know about--that even Japanese porn stars find unpalatable.

[edit] Jap Dads

YOU BRING GRATE DISHONOR ON OUR FAMIRY YOU MUST BE PUNISHED

Notorious for working long hours as well as being mean drunks, Jap dads regularly stumble home from the sake bar to discipline their ungrateful children who have dishonored them. All Jap dads look like Mr. Miyagi and punish their children mercilessly by forcing their sexual fantasies on them, like Kancho. This is why tentacle rape and scat fetishes are so prevalent in the Jap culture.

On June 21st 2007, drunk Daddy manta ray killed the baby manta ray daughter after she shamed his family. Shortly before the killing, videos of her surfaced on the internet involving a funnel and some eels.

Jap Dads are all salarymen, who are all wannabe weeaboos in three-piece suits. They practice karoshi, the ancient art of dying from hard work. (A favorite karoshi technique is to work for 48 hours straight, and then stumble into a subway, rest on a pole, and accidentally poke one's tummy with one's umbrella. It evolved after the Meiji Restoration, which no weeaboos have ever heard of, because samurai had gotten tired of committing seppeku.)

[edit] How To Troll

yeah.

Post a picture of a nuclear explosion with the caption "pwnd".
Post a picture of Japanese internment camps with the caption "pwnd".
Deliberately confuse them with Koreans.
Post a picture of the Japanese brutally torturing Chinese POWs with a tl;dr text talking about how they refuse to acknowledge WWII atrocities committed by their nation (they really hate this). You might use this one.
Post a low-res picture of Japan being ejaculated upon my multiple high-res penises.
Post images detailing the ~~US Military's~~ US Department of Foreign Oppression's strategy in the South Pacific during WWII and again, with a tl;dr text, detail how the Japanese failed to achieve any of their key strategic objectives (e.g. sinking US aircraft carriers early on).

[edit] Fun Facts!

There are more than 10,000 7-11 locations in Japan. The Japaneses really like Slurpees! Unfortunately the Japanese work 12-16 hour shifts and their sweatshops open at 9am and close at 5pm, so they can't buy any.
Japan is known for its capitalistic ways. In fact, a Jap will do just about anything for a few bucks, including loving you long time for $10. If they refuse, threaten to nuke them. That always works.
Japanese like to vacation in Hawaii. They really do. I'm not joking. But they don't crash their planes there anymore if that is what you were asking.
Japs also tend to visit Greece, merely because pornography is sold in every fucking tourist store. They also have very close relations with each other...
In Japanese medicine, all drugs and most cures are suppositories.