Megaman
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Megaman is a really unfun platformer introduced in the 80s after a sick bet was placed between Nintendo and Capcom.
Whoever ejaculated onto the bundt cake first had to release a game with that cover art and expect it to sell.
Nintendo ate that cake a month later.
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The Games (That you just lost)
Megaman 1 This game is what started the mess. It had no save feature and no passwords, but only 6 bosses. It also had a scoring system... for some reason. Megaman 1 also introduced the revolutionary idea of "Mandatory Cheating" by making it completely impossible to beat two of the final bosses unless you cheated by pausing the fuck out of the game while attacking them.
Megaman 2 This was much better than the original, but that's not saying much. Along with cannibalizing the corpses of his defeated enemies like a fucking ghoul for their weapons, Megaman's santa-like creator and creepy father figure Dr. Light would appear and give Megaman special devices to use. These devices consisted of a little jet platform, a little hovering platform, and a bouncing piece of useless shit. It had a password feature that wasn't as much a pain in the ass.
Megaman 3 This was the first game that Megaman's red robot dog Rush appeared in. Rush had a trampoline in its back that could transform into a dog-headed jetboard or a dog-headed submarine. Both would often barrel forward at stupid speeds with no control from you. It is also the first appearance of Megaman's brother, Protoman. Protoman had a scarf, a bike helmet, a completely useless shield, and a tendency to attack the fuck out of his little brother for no good reason. Just like a real brother relationship. The release of Megaman 3 was around the time when Capcom held contests where children could submit their ideas for upcoming Megaman bosses. This may explain some of the more fucked-up ideas they put in their games. For instance, Top Man, who could spin and looked like Flattop from Dick Tracy. There also was Hard Man, whose name has too many jokes about it to choose just one. This game also featured quite possibly the most worthless of all weapons in Megaman history. For beating Top Man, Megaman obtained the Top Spin ability where he could spin in the air like a jackass. Somehow you were able to kill enemies with this, but you always die in the process. And worse yet, this weapon was the only way to beat Dr. Wily at the end of the game. Either that or that retarded snake weapon.
Megaman 4 In Megaman 4, Megaman has to defeat an evil Communist Russian (Same thing) who was forced to fight Megaman when Dr. Wily kidnapped his daughter. One of the deadlier foes is Dust Man, a robot master who had the powers of a vacuum cleaner AND the powers of a vacuum cleaner in reverse, which essentally made him a prostitute. The ability to defeat this amazing robot is considered to be a super-skill. Another villain was Pharoah Man, who had the power to ignore your warnings until his first-born robot son was killed by God and Dive Man, who was basically an underwater version of Hard Man. This game also saw the introduction of Eddie, the little red suitcase looking thing.
Megaman 5 Yeah, this is the one where that bird thing appeared. Also, Wily tried to frame Protoman for his crimes, even though he already did that before and failed. No one suspected Wily was behind everything.
Megaman 6 Through 8 Nothing was different except for the introduction of a faggy emo who was later ripped off by Sonic Team. There also were new bosses: a pink, homosexual slinky and a fat Hindu guy riding a cloud. It's also notable that the seventh Megaman game spawned over 9000 shitty MS Paint webcomics.
Megaman Powered Up
Megaman 1, with kawaii chibi desu ^______^ Graphics. Also, there are two new robot masters named Oilman and Timeman, and you can play as EVERY FUCKING ROBOT MASTER AND EVEN MEGAMAN'S SLUT SISTER AND QUEER ASS PROTOMAN OMG!
Megaman 9 The creator of the Megaman games decided to use 8-bit graphics thereby pissing off graphicfags everywhere especially IGN [1] and, both directly and by proxy, making retrofags cream their pants. It also has one Robot Master that is a girl. Dr Light is the one who gets framed this time, by really fucking obviously NOT Dr. Wily. It is also rumored to be almost as difficult as Battletoads, oh yeah you can also play as queer ass Protoman in this game too if you bawww at the fact that Megaman lost his chargin' and slidin'.
To add insult to injury to the graphicfags, the two previous Megaman installments Megaman 7 (SNES) and Megaman 8 (PS1) were faithfully downgraded to an NES style like the first six Megaman games. The conversions were made by a bunch of Japs at 2chan (the polar opposite of 4chan; helpful, safe, but not funny). Retrofags will be sure to simultaneously blow loads of spooge into each others faces when Rockman8-FC is released, that is, whenever the fuck the 2chan team's lazy ass decides to convert Clownman, which will take at least another year or so.
Megaman X
Generally regarded as the best game evar on the SNES. ONLY BEHIND CHRONO TRIGGER!! LOL!
The game was also regarded as pioneering for including both Zero, X's first gay lover of the game and the first openly gay robot armadillo in video game history. Both Nintendo and Capcom got a great deal of grief from parents and morality groups for this decision, but today most homosexuals credit Armored Armadillo for helping them come to terms with their sexual preferences.
The game also had robot faggots and a miniature Boba Fett with a ride armor fetish, for some reason.
Megaman X2 This game had the weirdest creatures, like a fucking sponge, and didn't sell as well as the original. This is most likely due to the lack of homosexual robot armadillos.
Megaman X3-X8
Same thing as before. Fans declared the rest shit. These games are only worth remembering for the fully animated cut scenes. Many fans went rage and BAWWWWWWWW after watching Iris' death in MX4. This may not seem like a big deal in this day and age, but you really have to listen to the voice acting in these things to fully appreciate just how hilarious and terrible they are.
Megaman on Gameboy Also since Capcom realized how their fantards would buy everything with the name Megaman on it, they decided on porting the first few NES games to the Gameboy system.
Chances are you also bought those, although they were simply using rip offs from the NES games which you also own. Fag.
Other Megaman Games
There were other games like the 3D "Legends" one where Megaman and Roll get all incestial. In that "Battle Network" one, there are over 9000 computer programs that look like retarded versions of people from the original series, but all and all, it was the same thing over and over again. Except for the one where Zero gets sent into the future and is molested in his sleep by some dominatrix nympho scientist chick and her pet Cyber Elf. Everyone agrees that Zero in a metal thong is hot, as is sleep-rape. And there was a soccer game, a racing game, even a fucking computer board game.
OKKUSENMAN!! OKKUSENMAN!!
In 2007, some wacky Jap created a rock remix of the first Wily stage theme in Megaman 2. If you can understand the Japanese lyrics, it's about remembering life when you were a kid until it was mercilessly raped by a mysterious force and eating curry and shit. If you so much as to listen to this song, you will become an weeaboo. I guarantee it.
Megaman Vs Furries
It is not widely known that Megaman took part in saving the world from the furfags. Also note the third video contains the unedited segment of "HEY MEGAMAN YOU'RE A LITTLE LOW ON AIR! AND YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT!" in GUTSMAN'S ASS.
Dr. Wily Fails at Life
Fun Facts
- Megaman X3 and X5 ripped off an entire Guns 'n' Roses song, but they have yet to give a shit.
- Going to a Megaman fansite is a great way to see drama on the internet, particularly started by a retarded site admin.
- Astroboy ripped off Megaman (and went back in time to get a 30-year headstart apparently).
- The version of Megaman featured in the cartoon Captain N: The Game Master is regarded by scientists and historians as being the worst thing ever.
- Capcom will never officially admit that Dr. Wily built Zero... even though every Megaman gamer already knows this, unless they are thirteen or lick dust off windows.
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Megaman is part of a series on Gaming. |
