Tetris
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Tetris is a simple game developed by communists in which the player arranges blocks with the goal of scoring points. Unlike similar IRL games played by infants, it is absolutely pointless.
In Soviet Russia, Tetris plays you!!!!!
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[edit] Why does Tetris own?
You might as well ask "Why do people love Apple Jacks if they don't taste like apples?" They just do.
It has next gen astonishing graphics and awesome gameplay. The story line is very exciting. It has everything - plot-twists, cliffhangers, action. It owns I tell ya'. Get your copy of Tetris NOW!
[edit] How to play
Spin the blocks to form horizontal lines, dumbass.
Also, in newer versions, keep spinning the block forever so it will never touch down. Execute this maneuver effectively to spend your entire life playing this stupid game.
[edit] Tetris as a threat to your capitalist society
As you may or may not have noticed, Tetris is Russian. Furthermore, we all know that Russians are actually communists trying to take over the world. In this respect, Tetris was clearly a Russian plot to infiltrate the minds of western society.
Fortunately, the Tetris initiative has been ineffective. This is obviously an indictment of Communism as a tenable system of government.
[edit] Theme music
The theme music owns too. There is a video of some dude playing it on piano here
Alternatively, you can listen to the ska rendition that some niggers wrote between sessions of grindin' de cotton gin. Only niggers would be black enough to play jazzy ska music like this.
Alternativelier, you can listen to the metal rendition that some manly manly manly metal musicians wrote between sessions of masturbation. Only pasty white suburbanites would be white enough to play evil metal music like this.
[edit] How to Play the Tetris Theme on the Piano
[edit] Versions
Tetris has been gangraped by more publishers on more systems than any game in history . Here are some of the more notable violations:
[edit] Tetris for Computer
The one that started it all. It was crapped out over a session of Twinkies and meth by the Russian equivalent of Steve Urkel. Corporations quickly seized upon its addictive quality and marketed it to dumbfucks as a kind of "mind game".
[edit] Tetris for Nintendo
This was published by Nintendo and sucked balls. More interesting than the game itself was the drama IRL between Nintendo and Tengen which determined who would get the chance to piss all over the Tetris name. Tengen released their own version, but copies are rare and costs seventyleven kabillion dollars.
[edit] Tetris for Game Boy
Tetris for Game Boy was all that and a pack of smokes. It made Game Boy a household name on the level of shower curtain mildew and Magic Johnson's AIDS. However, it only sold a few copies worldwide.
[edit] Tetris Attack
Once upon a time, Nintendo made a puzzle game that had no chance of selling on its own merit, so they crammed Yoshi in it and called it Tetris. Totally not cool, Nintendo. This became more honest later when they re-released the game as Pokemon Puzzle League, crammed to the gill with Mudkips. This game can cause multiple seizures, and may be addicting like crack.
[edit] Human Tetris
Japanese Version
[edit] Victims
[edit] People whom Tetris plays
- jesuitx
- Russian Whores
- Bombuzal
- Nate Sanford
[edit] People who Play Tetris
[edit] Gallery
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Tetris is part of a series on Gaming. |
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Categories: Gaming | Crap
