Video games
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Video games (or commonly referred to as "vidya gaemz") are devices used by furfags and weeaboos for masturbation and epic fail. Games are a way to get girls and parents to stop bothering you with pesky human contact, while losing brain cells and gaining weight. Any Girls that play video games are not interested in boys and they will not get you laid no matter how many in-game Jew golds you give them or how many states away from you they live. Video games are a good way to distract lusers from the fact that they will never get laid. Not by a human anyway.
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[edit] Consoles
Many companies have produced consoles in the hopes of gathering many gold coins from dedicated gamers. Most games have originated in Japan because their graphic design skillz are the only reason we keep the sick fucks on the planet after the Americunts failed to perma-ban them IRL in WWII.
Japanese consoles: Playstations 1, 2, and 3 had moar fail added with each new system. Nintendo, SNES, GaemJEWb and Wii have been known to exploit furfag tendencies and games with Devdan in their fandom.
The American company Microsoft retaliated with a sneak attack by releasing the HUEG ASS XBORX. The XBox was enormous and didn't fit in most working-class homes, but its magnificent graphics created many submissive zombies. It also had a tendency to burst into flames, producing much lulz. The XBox 360 was later introduced to prevent a widening of the video game gap. Consoles wars are heavily focused between PEE-ESS-TREE and EXBAWKS because they are both so insanely expensive, gamers parents don't allot them enough allowance to buy both. Thus flame wars ensue over which console is superior, in attempts to justify their purchase to everyone else.
[edit] History
[edit] In the Beginning
The first video game was written and designed by Bill Gates, who ripped off Steve Jobs, who had just stolen the idea from Xerox. The game, what we now know as "Pong", was a simulation of the IRL game ping pong. This trend of translating real-life activities, like going outside or doing anything that requires effort, into something that can be watched on television would continue for centuries. which was Halo. Before this were countless better games on the PC, but the sheltered hobofag lifestyles of console kidz lef them shock n awed with what was essentially a rehash of mediocrity. While Halo might be considered the first great game, it was just that, a game. On the PC, that fuckin shit is a lifestyle.
[edit] Shortly after the beginning, but Pre-Halo
This epoch was dominated by games like Battletoads, Bad Dudes, Super Mario Brothers and Sonic the Hedgehog, where the user would save the world in form of a stereotype or furry. These games were ok but the graphics, for their time, sucked, and not until the advent of Final Fantasy VII would the teeming millions of graphic whores be satisfied. Earthworm Jim was a great game. Unused bomb-shelters from the Cold War were beginning to be transformed into game rooms, where gamers could play in solitude. Eventually, MMORPGs and Halo came around and the basement-dwellers, who previously only came up for air every three months, now had the option to sell inflated game accounts on eBay, which made it possible to remain underground forever. They would later evolve into the Morlocks. Contrary to what some might tell you, Halo actually invented the FPS genre (Yeah, no). And the RPG genre. Actually, Halo invented games. And life on Earth. And inventing things.
Pac Man fever became the first widely spread electronically transmitted disease.
[edit] Halo
Halo was a cool game because it was the first first person shooter, or FFPS, EVAR! It's story was very inventive, you're a genetically-altered soldier in the year 2552 who has to fight aliens on some planet you crash land on with some cybernetic bitch constantly screaming in your ear. You fight many aliens, swamp monsters, robots, volcanoes, and of course tubgirl. Anyone who does like this game is obviously an emo faggot or a communist.
[edit] Halo 2
Sequel to Halo. Now Fags can cause butthurt while wielding two guns at once and are also able to link to other losers 'round the world. Gamers eagerly await Halo 3 so they can finally use their penis in combat, while they scream about how fucked up they are over their headset. Halo 2's new features include texture pop-in (most prevalent in cutscenes), terrible network coding, a convoluted plot, no story progression, and much more tentacles.
[edit] Halo 3
Sequel to Halo 2 where Master Chief returns after an annoying cliff hanger to join forces with the arbiter to they can get to saving the universe While many Fanboys thought Halo 2 was ruined compared to Halo, anyone who has even played Halo 2 will immediately realize that Halo 3's multiplayer has been severely beaten by adding the Mauler which makes the user of this weapon instantaneously gay. Nobody has actually played Halo 3 though, because every 360 console got RROD 15 seconds after booting the console.
[edit] Types of Video Games
[edit] Fighting Games
A very hard and rather intelligent gaming genre which requires the player to ball their hand into a fist and smash as many buttons as possible until somebody dies. An example of most fighting games can be found here.
[edit] First-Person Shooters
In First-Person Shooters or more commonly FPS, the player's objective is to move the joystick around until they find an enemy and then attempt to aim at them and pull the controller's trigger. This is often deemed impossible by FPS gamers, the common alternative is to just throw frags and hope you don't kill yourself.
[edit] Music-related Games
This is when you pretend you have had any musical experience in your life and try to look experienced whether it be dancing like an azn, hitting buttons on a fake guitar, or making an annoying, crackling puberty shriek into a microphone and referring to it as singing.
[edit] Third-Person Shooter
Almost exactly the same as FPSs, but now the camera fucks up on you and instead of having the aim that comes with the FPS view, you now blindly shoot around from the position of a puppet master stalker behind your character.
[edit] Role Playing Games
Does anyone remember the original RPGs where you sat in a basement covered in acne, wearing a wizard hat, and pretending you had a life? Well, these are pretty much the same except now you can leave the basement while still remaining in its safety. The player can now design their character to be free of acne and actually able to talk to people. Hell, if they have enough game money they may even be able to get their Holy Grail, not IRL of course.
[edit] Real Time Strategy
You play as person who actually gets respect(big surprise for you, I know) and has the ability to command vast armies for whatever retarded purpose they could desire. Seriously, these are cool but usually they revolve around making tanks, sending them some where, and then harvesting crystals of some sort for money so you can make more tanks.
[edit] Massively Multiplayer Online Games
These are ironically the games that are inhabited by the most socially inept fucking lusers to ever roam the interbutts. Usually they're obsessed with leveling which makes their E-Penis bigger, getting virtual Jew Golds, and meeting more people they can poorly interact with. Often at times, people on MMOs will form guilds(vast circlejerks of lusers) so they can pretend they have really close friends. MMO players almost never leave their compy(or a console, lulz) unless it's to go clean their grandmother's toilets or mow lawns so they can get their monthly subscription paid. Popular MMOs are World of Warcraft, Runescape, EverQuest, EverQuest II, Diablo 2, Phantasy Star Online, Phantasy Star Universe, Guild Wars, and Final Fantasy XI.
[edit] Sports Games
Most games are used to remove people from their crap reality, these are just for people who suck at sports.
[edit] Sex Games
Although there have been a few of these games for consoles, most of these games exist only on the Internet. Taking anywhere from 2 minutes to 12 hours to complete, the grand reward being poorly drawn fanporn or horribly animated flashsex. These games are usually comical in their inaccurate descriptions of fucking. Furries and pedophiles rejoice in the variety available to them.
[edit] You might be a Gamer if...
- You
can read the Japanese words forspent half of your worthless life playing the vidja game long enough to memorize which Japanese word on the menu screen is for yes, no, save, load, options, stereo, and monaural (mono). - You are constantly looking for hidden power-up boxes when walking through your IRL neighborhood.
- you can beat everyone at Tekken (A shitty video game that complete weeaboos, emos, 13-year-old boys, fur fags, fucktards, and fantards praise for great faggotry) games, but you're still afraid of the singing puppets.
- You know the difference between pressing a button and pushing a button.
- You're obsessed with online co-op.
- You have an extremely short temper.
- You expect all plumbers to be Italian, wear overalls, and have mustaches.
- You expect to respawn when you enact Self Pwn.
- You masturbate to Sonic scat porn.
[edit] See Also
- Gamers
- Video game reviewers
- Console Wars
- Real life video game
- Article by Seanbaby on the most achieved of video games
- Video Gamers are a bright lot.
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