Chris Hansen
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Chris Hansen is an old media troll who baits unsuspecting pedos into traps set up by Dateline in concert with Perverted Justice for the lulz. The pedos are sourced from MySpace and Cregzlst, ensuring Hansen a limitless supply of childfucking prey. Hansen's secret is that even if the supply of pedophiles does run out, he will still have a show because he uses hot 18 year old girls to lure the "pedophiles" into the house, so really the men are trying to have sex with an 18 year old girl who claims to be either 13 or 17, making them innocent, but trying to bang a 17 year old is still pedo. This of course doesn't bother Hansen, who is simply doing it all for the lulz and by doing so Hansen inevitably shuts down 12chan without knowing it for at least another week. so i herd u liek entrapment?
That's cool, except Hansen's TV persona and vocal inflection drips with such intense smarm that you almost feel bad for the kiddy-diddlers. Hansen reads their chat logs with incredible smugness before pretending to let his victims go so they can get pwnt by the man for the Dateline cameras. Sometimes, the cops are wearing camouflage in the bushes, so when they bust the internet pedo, it looks like they are being attacked by a plant monster.
The difference between the schadenfreude experienced from, say, regular internet trolling and that derived from watching To Catch a Predator is like the difference between chewing on cocoa leaves and inhaling crack cocaine - it's the intensified essence of the emotion, with any impurities stripped away. Watching some sick fuck realizing that their life has been utterly destroyed in a totally public and humiliating fashion is a true epic win. Furthermore, the victims are all unsympathetic pedos, so the mass audience is free to take pleasure in their ruin without having to work through any moral conflicts. In a sense the show is like a modern version of pickpockets getting hung in public for the crowd's amusement.
Recently Hansen made a "hidden camera investigation" with Dateline on iPod thievery, lol
Chris Hansen's power level is greater than that of Chuck Norris, Manbearpig, and Barack Hussein Obama combined.
In short, Chris Hansen is justice.
Chris Hansen breaking news as of March 2 2008
Last Thursday a federal judged has ruled that the sister of a man who committed suicide after being filmed on NBC's To Catch As A Predator may sue the network for $100M.
Louis Conradt, a 56-year-old assistant district attorney, shot himself in November 2006 after he was confronted at his Terrell, Texas, home by police officers. He was expecting delicious 13 year old shota. They were accompanied by an NBC news crew that was there to film his arrest.
In his ruling, the judge said, "A reasonable jury could find that NBC crossed the line from responsible journalism to irresponsible and reckless intrusion into law enforcement."
Chris Hansen Breaking news as of September 12 2008
Last Thursday Chris Hansen was spotted outside of a nightclub, drunk off his ass and being carried by a couple of college students he thought were pedophiles. He was quoted as having said, "Why don't I throw up over there?". They dropped him off on the doorstep of a 13 year old girl that was reportedly home alone. The whole thing will air on MSNBC next month.
Chris Hansen is killing pedo-bear and must be stopped.
List of Internet Celebrities who have guest-appeared on Dateline
- Brian Peppers
- Vinny the Rapist
- Nathanr
- User:Christopher
- User:cody810
- MONGO
- Internet Vigilante Group
- Shii
- You
In summary, here are the hottest 16 year old girls ever
In summary, Chris Hansen is definitely Jesus
Chris Hansen always comes prepared. He has THE BEST lines to enter with.
If there is a pedophile looking to get some from a minor, Chris Hansen is the ultimate cock block, in a good way.
I would want to have Chris Hansen's babies. His wife is too young to have babies.
Chris Hansen doesn't take shit from emos.
Chris Hansen tends to pwn people like you.
Chris Hansen should be every Counter-Strike players name.
Chris Hansen appears on 4chan somedays in an effort to catch pedobear.
Chris Hansen is a master of disguise.
Chris Hanson is really Chuck Norris.
Chris Hansen is very adamant about wanting you to have a seat, preferably right over there.
Chris Hansen is paid $10,000 by dateline every time he says "I'm Chris Hansen, from Dateline NBC" Even after its already been established or the cock juggler runs away.
Lulzworthy moments
Chris Hansen even hunts for family members
Camera crew out of fucking NOWHERE
Fucktard makes a return appearance
--my back!!!
Fishin' for sex with a 12 year old girl! Sick burn. (¡volume warning!)
A cat is fine too. An officer disguised as Pedo bear makes the arrest. Chris Hansen can only imagine and fap to what would happen if he hadn't fucked everything up. Ima Fuck you in there! This man is a sick fuck
at least 100 years from now, poorly designed Hansen clones will still be catching predators.
Trivia
- The show To Catch a Predator was inspired by the 4chan party van
- Dateline NBC caused the Caturday nap by snatching most of the admins of 4chan. However Mootles could not be held for more than 48 hours due full-disk encryption, FreeBSD and Longcat. W. T. Snacks remains in custody.
- No anon has yet asked Chris Hansen to do a BARREL ROLL. It has been theorized that Hansen will turn into a greenish goo upon hearing these words. Furthermore, the person asking will get the loli and half the kingdom.
Chris Hansen on 4chan
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Chris Hansen on Habbo Hotel
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Links
- Operation P-Day
- Hansen after a long day
- Troubles with sound
- chris_hansen FAKE
- Chris Hansen (Official Myspace) ALSO FAKE
- CHRIS HANSEN SOUNDBOARD
- Hanson Vs. The King
- Who's this guy?
See also
- His British television doppelganger, Jeremy Kyle.
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Chris Hansen is part of a series on Child Abuse. |
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