Cowboy Bebop
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Cowboy Bebop is an anime series inflicted upon the world at large by a bunch of azns who lusted for African American Urban culture. What began as a visual love letter was soon adopted by Adult Swim and thrust onto the American populace. Repeating the same 25 episodes over and over and over for 5 fucking years straight without pause, it resulted in an epidemic of weaboo fucks who don't know shit about nigger music.
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Premise/Plot
A group of basement dwellers who fly around space looking for space's most wanted, each with a painful and mysterious past, like every other animu evar. Evey other episode is supposed to have some kind of deep, philosophical point (see below), but that's TL;DR so no one cares.
Examples of Deep Philosophical Episode Titles:
- "Episode 2: Stray Dog Strut" - Delves into the deep philosophical questions of predestination and yiffing in hell.
- "Episode 3: Honky Tonk Women" - Educates small children about proper mother-child relationships.
- "Episode 8: Waltz for Venus" - You can prove that you are a true Bebop fan on anime forums by bringing up the fact that, due to a translation error, this episode was actually titled "Waltz for Penis", a moving look into the world of transsexuals.
- "Episode 11: Toys in the Attic" - In which viewers are introduced to the cast's affinity for novelty toys.
- "Episode 13: Mushroom Samba" - Crew gets stoned off some hallucinogenic mushrooms, teaching viewers that drugs are bad, m'kay.
Characters
- Ein - Lead protagonist of the series. It's a corgi. Probably a /b/tard since he doesn't do anything but surf the internets and hang out with lolis.
- Spike Spiegel - Skinny, perpetually stoned Jew who gets into life-ending fights over cups of coffee at least once an episode. Whines about his old girlfriend Juila at least 100 times every episode to cover up the fact that he was totally gay for his old partner Vicious. To try and prove he isn't totally gay for him, the last episode consists of Spike pwning and killing Vicious, but he was a n00b and died of his wounds a few minutes later. Some argue he isn't actually dead, but they're morons, so it's okay.
- Jet Black - Nigger space bear and some kind of cyborg. Doesn't even try to hide the fact that he's gay, as evidenced by his single hobby of growing bonsai trees and fucking little boys.
- Faye Valentine - Cliche hot bitch. Wears about 3 feet worth of clothing at any given time. Hangs out with Jet and Spike to leech their monies and constantly runs away with shit, yet somehow returns every episode, forgiven due to random bukkake sessions. Born at least 100 years ago, got frozen, and woke up without memories. Tried to fuck Spike before he left to pwn himself, was rejected and went to fuck Jet or something.
- Ed - Obligatory loli/shota (or more simply, a trap. Has Assburgers syndrome. Nub h4x0r compared to the pimp dog.
The Movie
That's it. That's the movie. This is how shitty anime really is. Why it has caused such an amazing weeaboo infestation continues to confound intellectuals worldwide. This can be seen by expert reviews of the movie (to be copied and pasted into any and all anime fan forums you can find with an active Cowboy Bebop thread; it's not like the average anime watcher will realize the fact that these particular reviews were hand-picked from an ocean of mindless praise):
| — - Jan Stuart, Newsday |
| —- Liam Lacey, Globe and Mail |
| — - Mick LasSalle, San Francisco Chronicle |
The End
Spike dies from over 9,000 wounds after killing Vicious, Faye's memory is restored, Ed and Ein go off to love each other in the desert, and Jet becomes an hero.
Or is it?
To this day fans can be heard sucking vital oxygen from the earth's atmosphere crying and whining about how Spike Dies, thus ruining the show for them, leading to many, many lulz to be had by trolling anime forums, asking if he died or not, and why the creators killed him (if indeed he did die). The resulting stupidity and fandom that will be generated is,some scientists theorize, concentrated enough to be used in the future as some sort of fuel source that will share many characteristics of nuclear energy: it can be used for good or evil, and you don't want to get any on you.
| — Sailormoon, crying into his (since there are NO girls on the internets) pillow in a discussion about "tear jerker" animes. Note that nowhere in this discussion is it pointed out that the only real jerking going on in this discussion is of a circular nature. http://www.killermovies.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-395888-the-biggest-tear-jerker-in-anime.html |
Rating
Action: 11, Spike's about the only anime character that will kick your ass without telling you how he's gonna do it first. Goku may has his lazer beams, them fags over on Bleach have their Bangay bullshit. But they never just whip the shit out. They fucking gotta tell you how "ZOMG AWESOME! it's gonna be, and how fucking screwed you are, and how they're gonna rape your corpse after. If they ever fought Spike, he'd just walk right up and kick them in the balls, end of story, fuck you.
Lulz: 6, Fair bit of lulz, though most of it's of the "Oh...fuck" variety.
Pedophilia: 3, Ed's not the hottest loli out there, but dumb enough that if you told her your dick was candy, she'd go for it. 0. Ed's a dude, dude. Disregard that, I suck cock. Just like Ed, because she is a female and I'm a faggot. But damn, is she ugly, nigga.
Furry: 5, Somebody's gotta be fucking the dog. Tiny, fluffy, and hand-held, how could they not be.
External Links
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Cowboy Bebop is part of a series on Anime. |
