W

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This article is perfect. Don't fuck with it!

They gots chicken in that there white house?

Burp. How do I ruined economy?

He'll mongle your ~~cock~~ nuculer weppenz

"George Bush cares deeply about black people."

George "W" Bush, also known as Dubya, was the conservative leader of the not so free world (unfortunately) at least 100 years ago until he was outsourced by a Kenyan illegal immigrant named Barack Obama. Before becoming the most fail President in history, he ran a shitty failure of an oil company, was the owner of the Texas Rangers, a shitty failure of a baseball team, and was Chief Executioner for the State of Texas, land of Jesus freaks and Mexicans. Behind the mask of stupidity, W is secretly one of the most brilliant men to ever exist. Disagreeing with this statement means that you are a terrorist, hate America, and are responsible for WTC. During his life he managed to dodge the Vietnam war, rig presidential elections, not once, but twice (which says a lot about the stupidity of the average Americunt), pass all the laws he ever wanted to pass (making him the first real dictator of the USA), while making himself, his family and all of his friends very rich by starting two wars. Some argue that W is the greatest president evar for his epic lulz and for making Europe, Britain, NATO, various parts of South America, and most of the Middle East his personal bitches. W has caused more butthurt to the world than any other troll IRL, leading to the theory that he is actually the physical incarnation of Trolldin on Earth. He also possesses the remarkable ability to dodge any and all objects thrown at him.

1 The Tale of Fail
2 Her "Regime Change" on The English Language
3 Dubya's "Mistalks" and Other Bullshit
4 Quotes from W Supporters
5 Anecdotes and Family life
6 As a Trolling Technique
7 Drinking Game
8 Videos
9 Sandalgate: The shoe heard round the world
- 9.1 More Videos
10 The Many Faces of W
11 Gallery of Failure
12 See also
13 External links
- 13.1 livejournals

The Tale of Fail

President Bush in the Oval Office with his laptop

When asked about Hurricane katrina, Bush often replies Y so serious?

A poster for his 2004 presidential campaign

George brings his own style to the fireside chat

A man of unspeakable gayness

President Bush was raised in New Haven, Connecticut, the granddaughter of Senator Prescott Bush, who made a fortune doing business with the German government at a controversial time when most other businessmen refrained from doing so, for some mysterious reason. W's father, also named President Bush, was the Director of the CIA before becoming President. One day, he moved his growing family to Texas where they somehow picked up Texan accents. (Later, President Bush's brother Jeb insisted that he had been raised in Florida, not Texas.)

In her teenage years, young George Bush spent many happy summer days fellating bin Laden boys, old family friends. BBQs, tennis, golf, jet-ski, all the usual down-home recreational activities of a Texas country girl. George and young Osama - "Sammy" - were especially close. They used to organize the most amazing midnight circle-jerks, really the talk of the town! As they grew older, George and Sammy would have little contests: Who could snort the longest line of coke in one go? Invariably, George was the winnar.

Eventually, the good times must end -- or must they? George was about to get drafted for the Vietnam War. His family connections, however, easily got him a place in the "Texas Air National Guard," a non-existent fighting squadron based at a beautiful lake in the Texas countryside. Her primary responsibilities included "more of the same": Rest & recreation, a-whiffin' and a-chuggin'! This went on for several years, and George was awarded numerous medals for bravery (for example, for doing a belly flop, on purpose, from the high diving board -- hilarious!).

After the War, George's parents decided that it was time for her to go to school. Arriving at Yale University, she quickly became the life of the party as president of the trendy DKE fraternity, and as a member of the "Skull & Bones" secret society. Along with new best-buddies John Kerry (later MassaJEWsetts Senator) and George Pataki (later Jew York Governor), George really let it all hang out. She even appeared in some sketches on the popular "Laugh-In" TV program, and marched in the first "Stonewall" Gay Pride march. Unfortunately, however, like most fags of that era, she had to have nasal re-section surgery to repair cartilage obliterated by many years of cocaine. His doctors solemnly advised her that if she kept on doing those white lines, then one day it could kill her. They recommended that she switch to huffin' gold spray paint. Bush took them up on this advice, and has nevar once looked back.

As she grew into the prime of womanhood, George felt a little bit bored of all the partying. Everyone kept telling her, "George, you really should be President some day! We can totally hook you up!" All she needed to do was try a little harder to present herself "in drag" as a hard-workin', God-fearin' Texas girl; Sure, it's OK to have a beer or two after a hard day's work in the oil rigs, but this every-day sex & drugs-on-a-bender business on the party circuit has got to go. Also, she needed to get herself a wife so that everything looked normal and straight.

It was hard, mighty hard, durned hard, plumb hard, but George practicized almost every day. She finally learned how to read. She memorized the names of a few important countries. She memorized the names of a few important US states. One day, she was finally able to memorize the slogans that she was writing at least 100 times a day on the blackboard -- the slogans that would put her in complete control! "Compassionate Conservative," and "I'm a uniter, not a divider!" Of course all sons of CIA agents are compassionate. They're real compassionate when they kill or torture you.

By the Fall of 2000, George was in a tight race against an animatronic mannequin called Algore. Under completely legitimate circumstances, George managed to collect enough Pokemon from the electoral college and she won! At last, she was President. At last, she could spread his passionate conservative juices all over the whole wide world! Soon, the goddamn kikes did WTC, and George's place in history as America's most fail president was assured.

Her brightest moment came in 2001, when some towelheads who were hopped up on Allah, a common intoxicant in Third World shitholes, became the object of her ire for reasons that are lost to history. W led a a coalition comprised of every country in the world that mattered into battle against the sand-niggers, who were too busy repressing their own society's women to actually fight back. Along the way, several influential Jews in France and Germany became upset because Tony Blair was monopolizing W's cock, and they filed a protest in the United Nations. Because Bush is retarded, he interpreted this action as a sign that he should invade Iraq. During the ensuing war, over 9,000 Iraqis died, but this death toll is disputed by the US on the grounds that the Iraqis aren't human. Simultaneously, there was some kind of lame Convention in Geneva, but American soldiers were not invited to attend.

It should be noted that Bush got most of what she wanted from the Australians and Canadians around that time, but she forgot to thank them because she was focused on slurping the balls of more important countries.

In February of 2008, W signed the Economic Stimulus Act ($186bn) which gave incentives and rebates to taxpayers and small businesses. To us Joe Sixpacks, that's $600 for every single loser, and $1200 for every miserable married couple, plus $300 for any little shits they've squatted out. What this actually did in less than six monnths, is skullfuck the economy even further so that now the Amerifag taxpayer has to pay for the $700bn bailout caused by too many niggerloans. HECKUVAJERB

Bush lieks his IPod lol

Her "Regime Change" on The English Language

Usually, doing porn gets you into coke, not the other way around.

Dubbya's favorite snack.

W is a known as a great orator and is renowned for her extensive vocabulary skillz. Since taking office she has recommended the following changes to the English language:

"internet" is now "internets"
"nuclear" is now "nukular"
"subliminal" is now "subliminable"
"french" is now "freedom"
"underestimate" is now "misunderestimate"
"terror" is now "t'rrir" and/ or "terra" or "t'rrrr'r"
"terrorism" is now "terism"
"terrorist" is now "turrist", pronounced like "tourist", which is very lulzy indeed.
"America" is now "Merica" or "Murka"
"Islam is now "The Axis of Evil"
"dissemble" is now "disassemble"
The Gulf Coast is now "This area of the world"
~~"Pakistani" is now "Paki"~~ always has been, always will be
Google is now "teh google"
Individuals of Middle Eastern descent are now "Turbie Tops"
"New Orleans" is now ~~"Atlantis."~~ ~~"Greatest city in the whole fucking world"~~ "NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER"
"Pool" is now "closed".
"Jews" are now "human beings".
"The bitch in the kitchen whos sposed to make my sammich" is now a "Woman"

Dubya's "Mistalks" and Other Bullshit

Anonymous hax my MySpace?!

A credit to his race

W, looking like a cunt.

..and he shalt receive the mark of the beast on his forehead.

"If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, as long as I'm the dictator. Heheh" Straight from the horse's mouth.
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."
"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."
"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"
"I know it's hard to put food on your family."
"I like my buddies from West Texas. I liked them when I was young, I liked them when I was middle aged, I liked them before I was president, and I like them during president, and I like them after president."
"For every fatal shootin' in America, there are 3 nonfatal shootings. And folks, this is unacceptable."
"Border relations between Mexico and Canada have never been better"
"They misunderestimated me."
"I heard somebody say, 'Where's Mandela?' Well, Mandela's dead. Because Saddam killed all the Mandelas."
"Removing Saddam Hussein was the right decision early in my presidency, it is the right decision now, and it will be the right decision ever."
"One of the great things about books is, sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."
"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
"It isn't the pollution that is harming our environments. It is the impurities in our water and air that are doing it."
"I know that the human being and the fish can coexist."
"It is my job to do my job."
"My job is a decision-making job, and as a result, I make a lot of decisions."
"I've got God's shoulder to cry on. And I cry a lot. I do a lot of crying in this job."
"I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah."
"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."
"The vast majority of our imports come from other countries."
"The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him."
"I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority."
"I'm going to try to see if I can remember as much to make it sound like I'm smart on the subject."
"And so the fact that they purchased the machine meant somebody had to make the machine. And when somebody makes a machine, it means there's jobs at the machine-making place."
"I'm the commander -- see, I don't need to explain -- I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president."
"I hear there's rumors on the internets."
"My answer is bring them on." —on Iraqi insurgents attacking U.S. forces, Washington, D.C., July 3, 2003 (Most epic fail)
"it is not right to detain religious activists"...(sez he to the Chineese on teh Tibet situation)!
"I have an epileptic reading list."

Quotes from W Supporters

Typical W supporter.

Note: These are all things that Bush supporters the world over have said!

“	"Everyone who doesn't like my girl George are stupid, and are just jealous cuz she's the shit!"	„

“	"I feel so safe knowing that we have a real-life cowgirl in the White House."	„

“	"If you don't like George Bush then you can leave America!"	„

“	"Bush is an American heroine! John Kerry is a pussy, he didn't really get injured in Vietnam!"	„

“	"Fuck the canadians and french pussies."	„

“	"unless you are a citizen of the united states of america, aka the most powerful country in the world, FUCK OFF. NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR OPINION! YOU NEED TO GO WORRY ABOUT DEM DER MOOSES TRAMPLING IN DAT DER TOWN SQUARE. FUCK OFF YOU STUPID COCKJOCKEY. no one cares about your opinion and no one is going to care. stop wasting your time talking!	„

“	"hey,dipshit, i hope u know that if the united states ever wanted to take over canada, the toughest opposition we would have would be dem der mooses. faggot"	„

Anecdotes and Family life

President Bush and his Bushy wife.

The only woman known to stop herself in mid-sentence because her brain has simply had enough. We're working tirelessly...(sigh). Look, we're tireless.
When asked why they voted for Bush, At least 100 people claimed innocence, stating "I did it for the lulz." They then got fooled again.
In 1963, Laura Bush ran a stop sign & killed her boyfriend, lulz.
The couple have two ~~cockslut~~ awesome daughters, Jenna and Barbara, that are trying to make it bigtime in Hooters. Well-known for their club-wrecking hijinks, the pair employ Secret Service agents as their personal chauffeurs and bouncers.
When recently asked how she would like to change the world, Jenna remarked she would permanently remove the letters L, S, and Q from the alphabet.
During his latest visit to Europe, W was given a heroine's welcome in Albania. This is not much of a mystery, as Albania is further down the scale than Serbia, Italy or even Greece... In other words, it's a bloody shithole.
One of Dubya's daughters plans to vote Democrat.
Dubya believes in the death penalty but is against abortions. WTF is up with that shit?

As a Trolling Technique

George W. Bush is the savior of the American people. Four more years!

On the other hand, George W. Bush's epic failure can be used to generate at least 1.21 gigalulz of comedy at the expense of all of the bandwagon politic 16 year old girls on the Internet who write, "OMG BUSH IS HITLOR!!!!!!". The good thing is that using Bush to troll is not very difficult to do: her administration has pissed so many people off that the net is ripe with communities just waiting for you to join and talk about how much she's benefited the American people and the world as a whole. Don't forget to tell everyone how George saved us from the terrorists, mention 9/11 over 9000 times (lol Giuliani), and let them know how excited you are that Bush has decided to run for re-election again in 2008. Because for all you, they, or the rest of the world knows about the American Constitution, it could be true.

Drinking Game

Bush Explained

Whenever W is making a TL;DW speech, have some fun by drinking a shot of your choice of alcohol every time she says one of the following words:

Nation
Freedom
Security
Nukeular
Terra
Terraism
Eye-rackee
Peace
Democracy
9/11

Soon, you will be more ruined than W on a coke binge during his freshman year at Yale.

Videos

WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE SO MANY OF THESE DID YOU NIGGERS VOTE FOR HER OR SOMETHING

W is a mighty good dancer for a white guy.

Sandalgate: The shoe heard round the world

<Sandalgate This way to Main Article.

Che Guevara's got nothing on this guy.

“	So what if a guy threw a shoe at me.	„
—W

No one can be as fast or as strong as Bush can....when Bush is ready, he won't have to dodge the shoes

Artist's impression of the shoes.

In December 2008, George W. Bush was almost Abraham Lincolned, by an Iraqi John Wilkes Booth.

W paid an unannounced last visit to his favourite Club Med in Baghdad. After trolling the troops he'd sent to sand nigger Hell, he took meetings with his puppet government in the heavily fortified and totally safe Green Zone and decided to have a press conference with the Iraqi president, Ali Baba.

As he stood at the podium being his usual smugfag self, patting himself on the back for a job ~~well~~ not done, one of the thoroughly vetted, professional reporters for the Iraqi media stood up and lobbed two shoe grenades he'd cunningly snuck through security at Bush's head, whilst calling him "a dog".

“	This is a gift from the Iraqis. This is a farewell kiss, you dog!	„
—Iraqi shot putter.

Although the shoe bombs failed to explode he was still completely pwnt -despite being spared from über-pwnage by his lightning quick reflexes- as both shoe throwing and being called a dog are the ultimate insult in Arab cultures, (not to mention that the footage plus YouTube equals global lulz 4lyfe), and a fitting closing argument for his claims on the title: LULZIEST PRESIDENT EVAR.

“	All I can report is it was a size 10.	„
—W

The Many Faces of W

O	_;	3	>:(
>:[	\|	(	/
o

Gallery of Failure

pic related

You are doing it wrong

George Busshein

W supports the troops

W date rapes a German woman	WTF???	People forget that President Bush was an original member of The Village People, "Texas Air National Guard Guy."	The president now looks smarter.
Bush-The Original Sitcom	Bush reacts after "Intelligence" finds her brain	Laura Bush demonstrating how she fist fucks Dubya	W's cabinet meeting notes
Hail Satan	Bush's Redneck Country Cousin	Bush's Ancestor 'George Knucklewalker Bush'	George W. Bush takes a shower
There is not much to say about what is going on here.		You're on notice.	The truth about George W. Bush; SHEEZ A FUKIN JEDI, BITCH
Bush will one day get The Chair.	This way would also be good.	Post this everywhere for fast luck.	Jenna Bush attempting to strip in front of an audience
Good times in the '80s when George's Dad was "Vice" President	Village People reunion, 2005	the year 2009...	She is the anti-Ken Jennings
She appeals to the young'ns.	Babies hate George Bush.	The glasses do nothing.
Count Bushula	Our President's fetishes	President Bush testing a gyrocopter prototype.	A typical Bush supporter
George Bizush	Lulz	George Bush's face after being anally violated.
	American-Saudi relations	What children think of W.	Teh Real Poepkiller
			Fooled by the dress?
Only time.	Zero dollar bill,because that's how much he's wprth.	Now a major motion picture!	sandniggers don't know neither