Hillary Clinton
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Former President Bill Clinton's dominatrix since 1979. Hillary Rodham Clinton, with a middle name that cannot possibly be any more sexually suggestive, wants to be the first female president of the United States has already proclaimed herself the first female president of the United States, but still may take already took office of Secretary of State.
Find me a man who can look you straight in the eyes and say, "I believe Hillary Rodham Clinton should become President of the United States of America," and I'll show you a man I'd smack and call a pussy.
[edit] Some Unknown Facts About Hillary Clinton
- She's the first female to faceoff against a black man and live.
- Electing Hillary Clinton as president will cause prosperity across the land.
- Hillary Clinton has four penises. All of which are attached to her head.
- Her hair was made from Clay Aiken's pubes.
- After she was neutered, she replaced her nuts with huge rubber neuticles. These can be seen swinging side-to-side under her business skirt as she delivers speeches up on a podium with her legs spread wide apart (reminiscent of Larry Craig).
- Her voice is known to feed on your soul. Protect your children.
- Her shit does, in fact, stink.
- A strong sexual relationship exists between her and Rosie O'Donnell.
- Hillary once gave Al Gore a blowjob, not because she is straight, but because he said it would help solve global warming. (Sadly this did not help solve global warming.)
- She has never actually had sex with Bill.
- Hillary Clinton likes to pretend she is really from the south.
- Hillary is a strong supporter of butthurt.
- Her face turns into a ghoulish prune when the bitch loses
- She is by no definition a MILF, even in a pig's eye.
- She is the only First Lady to make Barbara Bush, Lady Byrd Johnson, and Pat Nixon look like MILFs by comparison.
- Hillary is actually more of a man than Eleanor Roosevelt.
- She owns a dildo shaped like JFK.
- Hillary has disgustingly huge hips and is balding[1] (Update: This picture has been censored). This makes her supa sexy to liberals, because it reminds them of their moms.
- Her wedding ring is made of fake gold.
- Hillary's favorite films include Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968) and Fatal Attraction (1987).
- She was once engaged to Larry King.
- Hillary is a fan of Lorena Bobbit.
- She loves to watch "The L Word" and wear plaid shirts when she's not addressing the public.
- She loves receiving anal sex from her constituents.
- When she told Bill about her desire to become President, he promptly replied: "Tits or GTFO!"
- Was a hermaphrodite until she had plastic surgery in August 1987. She kept her penis at husband Bill's request. Apparently he prefers "catching" to "pitching."
- Hillary is actually Zombie Hubert Humphrey, risen from the dead to guarantee that the Democrats lose to Zombie Richard Nixon. She will win the nomination by eating the brains of superdelegates at the convention in Denver on August 25. This will cause Obama's fanatical supporters to riot, just like DNC '68, leading to epic lulz.
- The stains on the infamous "Monica Lewinsky" dress were not presidential baby batter, but were splattered onto the dress by Hillary after pulling out of Bill's ass his/herself. When cornered with her secret coming out to the press, she made a deal with a fat-reptile-in-human-skin Jewess to cover it up.
[edit] Hillary Clinton on the Issues
- American principles: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Civil rights: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE, I'LL KEEP SCARY NIGRAS OUT OF OFFICE
- Disabilities: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Economy: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Education: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Energy & Environment: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Ethics: I'M A WOMAN!!!!11oneone
- Family: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Fiscal: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Foreign Policy: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Gun Control: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Health care: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Homeland Security: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Immigration: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Iraq: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Political Experience : MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Poverty: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Prostitution: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Rural: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Service: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Seniors & Social Security: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Technology: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Use of the MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Veterans: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
[edit] Hillary Clinton Doesn't Want You to Have Fun
It is a well known fact that Hillary Clinton strongly dislikes the vidya gaemz. She is completely opposed to any game with awesome violence in it, such as the Grand Theft Auto series, Manhunt, or Super Mario Sunshine because she is a muddy reeking shitwitched haggy old BITCH!!!!11!1oneoneone This has nothing to do with the fact that you can put women in their place on Grand Theft Auto.
She is also worried about video games in general, and gave $90 million of our fucking money to some douchebag researchers so they would tell her that games create sexual predators. This is ridiculous, of course, since her husband has never played a video game.
[edit] Hillary Clinton Doesn't Want Bill to Have Fun Either
Back in 1998, when Bill was accused of putting his cock into the mouths of various women, she called the accusations a "vast, right-wing conspiracy" and more than likely would have invoked Godwin's Law had the interview gone on for much longer. Afterwords, she looked very foolish when it was concluded that Bill had gotten sucked off by the half-his-age, ambitious, and fat Monica Lewinsky. This was severely damaging to Hillary's presidential campaign plans, which at that point had already been 100 years in the making. Hillary was so furious for his debunking of her conspiracy theory that she used a variety of weapons to rip him a brand new asshole, resulting in lulz for Republicans, Nigras, Jews, and schoolyard children for months.
[edit] Presidential Dreams
Hillary wants to be president of America. This is extremely lulzy, because everyone knows that a woman can't do anything besides cook, clean, complain, and take cock, and they don't even do those things well, amirite? God (who is a man, by the way) chose men to lead countries. If Hillary became President, America as we know it would become a giant, swirling, fagfarm. This would turn the HIV that is the United States of America into full-blown AIDS. Many would die. Perhaps even Chuck Norris would shed a tear. (See also: Divide By Zero)
[edit] Hillary's CamPAIN Platform
If elected the coup succeeds, Hillary plans to impose the following changes to America:
- Menopause is a woman's right, and any man who refuses to adapt and accept will be put to death.
- Land and banking fraud will be illegal. Especially if she doesn't get her 25% of the cut off the top!
- Lesbian sex techniques will be taught in schools, starting with 2nd grade. 1st grade will be used to teach boys and girls that men suck and need to be dominated.
- Strip clubs will be closed, save for those that cater to women and feature male strippers.
- All short, brunette, chunky, Jewish women will be put to death. Especially if they wear blue dresses and enjoy giving head.
- All Presidential Cabinet members will be women who are going through menopause.
- All women in the workforce will receive paid vacations whenever their periods are in full rage.
- Research into developing and perfecting techniques to
allowforce men to carry fetuses to full term will be put into place, with funding levels akin to ten times that required to beat the Russians to the Moon in the 60's, adjusted for inflation. - Arkansas will cease to exist as a state, by any nuclear means necessary.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger will be deported back to Austria before he can launch a coup of his own.
- All Hilary (AKA Hitlery) supporters will be paid 50% of what was originally offered for the votes Ms. Clinton has bought from them
- Iraq will be sold back to Iran for oil, which Iran doesn't have much of in the first place.
- Moar girls will be on the internet, which is a plus, but a minus is that they'll all be ugly dykes.
[edit] What To Do If You Meet Hillary
- Slap her in the face multiple times. Then do it again just to make sure she gets the point.
- Keep your eyes tightly shut, lest you pass out from the horror of seeing her face.
- Stand very, very still. It is believed she can only see movement.
- Tell her she's a commie.
- If no one's around, rape her.
- If other people are around, rape her, then politely pass her on to the next gentleman in line (wouldn't want people to think you're uncivilized, amirite?).
- Strap road flares to your body and walk into her campaign office in Rochester, NH to show your contempt for the state of mental health care in the United States.
- Ask her if her husband ever stops thinking about sex for more than five minutes.
- Pull a 9/11 and crash into her campaign office
Falcon punch herNevermind. Hillary does not have child-bearing abilities since Chelsea, who destroyed her vagina and it's functions when she came out.
[edit] Endorsed by
- Ann Coulter
- Clinton News Network
- Bill Clinton, but only because he's afraid she'll make good on her threat of chewing off his cock with her toothy vagina.
- Jack Thompson
- La Pequeña
- Crystal Shinkle
- A whole bunch of other neo-cons that know she can't beat McCain in the general election.
- Like one or two people anybody gives a shit about.
Making her the obvious best choice to be the democratic nominee.
[edit] 2008 Elections
[edit] The Iowa Cockbus
On January 3rd, 2008, Hillary came in second third place after Barack Obama and John Edwards. This was seen as a far more embarrassing defeat not only for Hillary, but for her fucktard husband Bill, who was hoping to get back into the White House for some moar intern sex.
And yes, her face turned into a ghoulish prune. Pictures to come!
[edit] New Hampshire Primary
She beat Obama in the New Hampshire primary by crying a river because her unrealistic expectations weren't being met. This gave her many votes of gays, crotchety old hags, and single mothers who were butthurt over Edwards and Obama "ganging up on her" in the debates. If your candidate can't handle a debate with two faggots, how the hell is she going to handle negotiating with real men? More proof that women should not be allowed to vote, let alone run a country. Also in the primary, some IRL trolls reminded Hillary of her place in the world. During a TL;DR speech the young men stood-up and proudly yelled "Iron my shirts.[2]" After this, the brave young students were whisked away while an obviously stunned and butthurt Hillary proceeded to fall in a heap on the stage and cry uncontrollably.
[edit] Pwning Obama in Penn
On April 22, Clinton pwn'd Obama by over 9 points in Pennsylvania, despite him outspending her 4-1. This just proves black guys spend money on crap without gaining anything from it. However, she still didn't get enough votes to win so its like Penn never happened.
[edit] Uberpwning Obama in West Virginia
On May 13, Hillary Clinton was overwhelmingly elected President of West Virginia based solely on the fact that she was not an uppity nigra.
[edit] Pwned, bitch
On June 3rd, 2008 God proved not only that he is a man but that Jesus was probably black by bitchslapping Hillary no matter how hard she tried to use her satanic dominatrix abilities to bitch her way to the top. Up to this point, Hillary has been doing everything she could to weasel more people into voting for her such as citing RFK getting killed in a bad joke and getting her whipped husband to yell at those damn people in the left-wing media conspiracy for saying Obama was winning.
Hillary made a speech celebrating her victory in South Dakota and blatantly gave zero recognition of the fact that she'll have to go back to the kitchen. This is because since the 70s, women persistent about doing everything a man can do have tried keeping the freight train moving so they can hopefully catch up to the lying, cheating bastards that broke their hearts and derail them for revenge purposes.
It's pretty obvious that Hillary doesn't give a shit about her party or anyone else. Proof:
- Rudy Jewliani - Too stupid to play the 9/11 card and realized he was boned; dropped out. MAN
- Mitt Romney - Too American Dad. Realized he was boned and dropped out. MAN
- Mike Huckabee - Wasn't enough of a war nut to appeal to Texas. Realized he was boned and dropped out. MAN
- Mike Gravel - Kept running for a while though nobody gave a shit and eventually dropped out. MAN Fixed. Nobody really gives a shit about Mike Gravel
- Ron Paul - Still running, but that's because he's at least 100 years old and keeps forgetting to drop out thanks to Alzheimer's. MAN
- John Edwards - Dropped out because his easily forgotten boyfriend STILL will not play catcher; cried even more when some damn muslim nigger stole his delegates earlier in the month. PROBABLY A MAN
- Hillary Clinton - Still running despite the fact that it is statistically impossible for her (because she can't do math) to get a nomination
unless she fucks Obama for the Vice-Presidential spot on the Democratic ticket and then stabs him in his sleep on January 21st, 2009Bitch got Biden'd! WOMAN
According to polls, over a third of Hillary's voters are so butthurt that they decide they will either vote for McCain or not vote at all rather than "vote for that nigger."
[edit] Nigrajamas
In a shocking and lulzy recent news development, Clinton featured a negative campaign ad about national security or some shit, and how Barack Obama wouldn't be able to handle dealing with a national emergency. The ad is set at 3:00 AM, and the country is going through a terror attack or something. Apparently, there's a phone ringing at the White House, and Hillary Clinton (in full business attire) answers it. The ad is supposed to convince you that Clinton would be better suited to deal with this situation. However, noone really cares whether this is actually true, because the viewer's attention is lost within the first 15 seconds when the letters "NIG" could be plainly read on a sleeping child's pajamas. Why Clinton chose to use this specific stock footage for her campaign remains unclear. Some argue that it's because she's racist, while others say that it's because she doesn't like black people. Naturally, the internets soon went ablaze in fierce debate, even though Hillary is completely correct in suggesting that nobody wants a booming African voice answering his/her call of distress at 3 in the morning. Below is the original campaign ad along with some links to the ensuing shitstorm. Additionally, many parodies of the ad can be found on JewTube. Although it shouldn't need to be stated, TROLL FOR GREAT JUSTICE.
In an even lulzier twist, the delicious loli featured in the ad, Casey Knowles, says she actually prefers Obama, and denounces the ad as fear-mongering. In other words, like all of Obama's white female supporters, she lusts for nigger cock. According to her mom, when Casey shook Obama's hand, she cried and trembled.
[edit] Her Supporters
- Women
- Suffragists
- Lesbians
- Your Mom
- Women over 80 who want a female president before they die
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[edit] See Also
 Hillary Clinton is part of a series on Fox News | Allies
Ann Coulter | Matt Drudge | Sean Hannity | Joe Lieberman | Michelle Malkin | Rachel Marsden | Bill O'Reilly | Karl Rove | Rick Santorum | Rod Wheeler Enemies of State Anonymous | Al Gore | Barack Hussein Obama | Emos | EXTREMIST FAR LEFT INTERNET HATE GROUP | Fred Phelps | Hillary Clinton | Hugo Chavez | The Internet | John Edwards | Keith Olbermann | Liberals | Macaca | Mexicans | Logic | Osama Bin Laden | Rachel Maddow | Ron Paul | Stephen Colbert | Terrorists Buy A Dog | Corruption of LOL | Exploding Van | HACKERS ON STEROIDS | INTERNET HATE MACHINE |
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