You
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
You are a worthless waste of life, which is why — at this precise point in world history — you are reading this sentence. You think you should be doing something more productive, but for some reason, you aren't. You think your taste in music matters. You've seen every episode of Star Wars multiple times. You think playing video games makes you "alternative". You "spontaneously" quote Family Guy and Monty Python. You installed Linux on a partition because it seemed vaguely counter-cultural. You wear a fucking fedora in public and believe this makes the world a more whimsical place. You went to a second-tier state college and joined the Roleplaying club on the first day of orientation. You watch anime but insist you're not a fanboy. You quote memes at parties and then laugh alone, awkwardly. You own at least one cape which you wear "ironically" to comic conventions. You drive a 1990's Civic with crumbs on the floor and an "I roll 20's" bumper sticker. You write long posts in the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist but never get responses. Your parents pay for most if not all of your college tuition because you lack the motivation to seek financial independence. You have never had sex. No one wants to be anywhere near that close to you. You think people shouldn't judge you based on your meager accomplishments because that's not, like, what you're about, you know? You collect Plastic Crap. You hover around the edges of your social group, grasping at straws of approval. You get your ideas and arguments from blogs. You don't get invited, you tag along. You like to tell yourself you "only date nerds because they understand" you, but then masturbate to 10's who wouldn't even waste the breath to tell you to fuck off if you approached one of them in a bar. You sit at your desk daydreaming about which X-Men power you want, while your peers are building the world in their image. You fail it, where it = ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.
Seriously, fuck you.
Contents |
Definitions
You is an ambiguous word that can be either plural or singular depending on the context (which may itself be ambiguous). English is unique in this regard.
You Think the chicks that pop up from ED ads really are from your town.
You is not in the word team, but there is a me.
You just accidentally a whole Fleshlight.
You are a cockless embarrassment to yourself and your family.
You are gullible.
You are a moron and probably a cunt, and yet, this website will still beg you for money.
You will never find true love.
You think The Internet is serious business.
You spelled backwards is suck.
You jack off to goatse, you sick fuck.
You voted for George W. Bush. Twice.
You are in a shitty local band noone likes, although a few people may claim to so that you dont feel bad.
You have samurai swords because you are a Weeaboo, but nobody gives a shit.
You need to stop kidding yourself, they pick you last in gym, and it's not because you're the best.
You consider yourself to have a "competitive personality" because you play on Xbox Live.
You crank dat Soulja Boy.
You campaigned for David Duke back in '04.
You think that milhouse is a meme.
You Jack off to 400lb whores who cant even wipe their own ass.
You Jack off to THIS you sick fuck!
You can't wait to call Gamestop and ask for Battletoads.
You bought Wii Fit, thinking it would help you to lose weight, but stopped playing after seeing your body mass index.
However, despite all this fail, You are Time Magazine's Person of the Year for 2006. You won this award for all the hard work you put into user-generated content, such as videos of cats falling off beds and CP. Thanks, you. You're making the world a better place.
Did You Know that...
YOU can't handle Cubic Time, Cubic Life or Cubic Truth - for inside of Time Cube equates the most magnificent symmetry of opposites existing within the universe - for every corner has an equal opposite corner, every 2 corners has an equal opposite 2 corners, every tri-corner has an equal opposite tri-corner and every 4 corners has an equal opposite 4 corners?
YOU fail at life, the Internet, and comedy?
YOU sucked someone off so you could get the money to buy a Nintendo DS?
YOU are probably a smart-ass, bisexual, atheist teenager?
YOU would be killing brain cells if you had any?
YOU can't do it. And if you are, YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG?
YOU = FAG?
YOU fail it (your skill is not enough)?
YOU are a pretty cool guy, yuo kill aleinz and doesn't afraid of anything.
YOU are a pirate.
YOU get butthurt when someone PWNS your fucking ass?
Noone likes YOU?
YOU wish you had real friends?
YOU are the cancer that is killing /b/?
When YOU are dead I'll be still alive. Still alive. Still alive.
Uncle Sam does NOT want YOU?
After reading all of the above YOU will go cry yourself to sleep?
YOU are completely normal for spending 90% of your awake time playing Runescape.
YOU will never touch real tits.
YOU are not crying because of this article, it's just your allergies.
You and web 2.0
We realize that many of you are just "the typical middle-class fuck". Blogging, vlogging, podcasting, writing, editing, coding, drawing, tagging - all under the hope that your self-indulgent jizz-stain of work will be plastered on the front page of Time, or if not that, some shitty Web 2.0 site. You're wrong, you are nobody, and you will never be what you dream. TL;DR nobody cares.
GOOD NEWS FOR YOU!
YOU are were invited to Lulzcon! This is the single most importantly lulzy experience of your life. But if you're reading this now, you probably failed to get there. Fucking loser.
Your penis is a stub. You can help by tugging on it.
See also
Gallery
 YOU... on the best day of your life. |
 Your collection of Invader Zim merchandise. |
 Your tiny dick. But at least it's bigger than Nick Jonas's dick. |
 YOU...in 50 years' time. |
 You aren't going to get one. |
 You. |
 You being metal. |
 You is part of a series on Web 2.0 | Web 2.0 • Social networking • Social networking sites • Blogging • Blogosphere • PHP • Podcasting • Wikiing • Ajax • Ruby on Rails • Internet Humanitarianism • X is not your personal army • User-generated content • ITunes Store
Web 2.0 Sites People of Web 2.0 |
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You is part of a series on Child Abuse. |
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