Newbie
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| Warning!: This article contains explicit scenes of a noobish kind |
Contents |
new here hello?
um I am trying to edit this ardickle? what am I DOING RONG??//?/
Example n00b Behavior
Hey, do any of you know how to work these wikis or whatever people are supposed to call them? Argh! Where's that damn send button. I guess if I bang on my keyboard long enough something will happen. ASDFGJKLD 68905N8URTYMIWY[,P[K SLM;'KFZD Dang it! DOESN'T ANYONE KNOW HOW TO WORK THIS F*CKING THING?!?
People here are so mean to me sometims cus im new and typ slow but that's cus i dont no how to use the keeybord yet but il get it/is ther anywere i can ask for help from the webmwster or ask questons///
Typical n00b Behavior
- What does LOL really mean?! ( at which point a veteran will reply: LLLOOOOOOLLL STFU n00b go die!!ยดยด )
- Letting their "friends" cut their hair and then take pictures of them looking like a fucking retard
- What is up? Lulz im not gay but i like to fuck house stuffs like the toilet and rotfl hahahah its funyny!!!11!!1!11111 so yeah u like the arse? ididnt know ehat that meant tile leik i was 8 and im like 8.54345354 now, IN DAWG years!!!!111!!!11!!!1 haha im gay
Characteristics
Newbies (or n00bz, newbs, etc.) are often characterized by their lack of knowledge and seemingly unfathomable stupidity and ignorance towards the rules and etiquette of wherever they are. But this isn't the case with yours truly. No, sir! I've been working the Internet since I was seven-years-old, so I know how to work this. Because the Internets are serious business.
Note: it is possible to be new and yet not be a newbie - the defining characteristic of a newbie is to be both clueless and unable or unwilling to get a clue for themselves. If you rtfm, you are probably not a newbie.
Okay, how do I get people to read this? Oh, I think I see a funny looking button. Gee, what will happen if I press it?
Noobs are generally known for their lack of literacy and ability to spell, as well as the common usage of OMG!11!one LOL! LYKE WHUT?1ONE11!? and STFU LOLZ!!11eleventyone!1. They are also known for their cry of OMGLOLZ LETS CYBR!!11!, because they are usually idiots who can't get laid. When flamed, their comebacks usually consist of LOL WHUT? because they hadn't bothered to actually READ the message.
Help me ED! I'm a N00b!
No problem, just click on the links below to begin the Three Step correction process.
If you followed all the steps and are still need more help, GTFO!...Srsly
Early N00bs
The first n00b was a member of the British Parliament who asked Charles Babbage "Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?" To which Mr. Babbage replied, "I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question", which is ancient British for "STFU NOOB."
Question?
Can you put the internets on my floppy disc please?
- Nuh coz u the gayzors i du it for ma lvl 400mil n 10 friend lololololol !!!!
Noob-deceiving
One of the most popular pastimes for non-n00bs is to tell them to do random shit. For example, when asking about anything on a program 1 in 5 times somebody will tell them to type in /quit or press Alt+F4.
Because the typical n00b is a gullible dumbfuck, they will do anything if they think it helps them. For example, on certain internet games (Enemy Territory) it is possible to tell a n00b how to change their config settings to like, totally make the controls heaps better.
Far from advancing their gaming experience, n00bs find their controls paralysed.
- n00b: No seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this?
- elite: LOL
- n00b: No please, help me fix this fuckin thing! If my dad see's the computers fucked he's gonna skitz!!!
- elite: Go to bob69.com, it tells you how to fix it
- n00b: NO ITS NOT FUNNY! HELP ME PLZ ITS ALL FUCKED UP! HOW TO I GET IT BACK TO NORMAL
You get the point.
Examples
You can have n00bs do certain things that they either will not know how to undo or will be too retarded to notice anything is wrong.
- change mouse from right-handed to left handed: http://www.kumquatcomputer.com/left.htm (kumquat computer was formerly known as ph corporation)
- turn on StickyKeys
- /quit in IRC (see above)
- telnet 127.0.0.1
- refer to goatse
- Link them to http://i.somethingawful.com//sasbi/2006/12/elpintogrande/swap8.jpg
- rm -rf / (killing processes for fresh Linux converts. enjoy!)
- Delete the System 32 folder
- Join channel #1,000
Noobs and Viruses
N00bs are also susceptible to viruses, because they are too stupid to find their way around a porn site without doing something fucking stupid. They will then become very quickly scared shitless as they realize their PC is filled with some pretty nasty shit. The n00b will then have to explain to his father why Busty XXX Whores want to perform for him. Much lulz ensue.
Also, N00bs are the kind of people who give their credit card details out to dodgy African scams. No, they might not necessarily be the stereotypical n00b, but they are a n00b of a sort. A society n00b.
they fap too
