Rape

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Prepare it.

This poster is truth, fortunately married women have to do everything their man says anyway

Oh, there it is.

Rape, not always a bad thing

Rape is widely accepted as being hilarious by everyone, including mainstream media.

Rape, also known as surprise sex, is an extreme sport described as "the act of pwning with a penis". As such, it is quite probably the lulziest act known to man this side of flying two 747s filled with fat Americans into two phallic towers also filled with fat Americans. Further, rape is the ultimate seekrit all-time female fantasy. Try it, because rape is ALWAYS funny. Especially when it involves clowns.

Rape was part of all animal's life cycles until about 100 years ago, when butthurt ugly feminists with penis envy permabanned rape and all acts of cock pwnage. However, shouting "SURPRISE!" just before carrying out teh act of rape negates its illegality in the eyes of the law in 99.9% of countries in the world.

Rape is a common follow-up to Women's Retreats. Members of feminist communities (such as feminist) live in constant fear of rape. Every one of them has been raped hundreds of times, or has almost been raped hundreds of times, or knows someone who has been raped hundreds of times, or has listened to a Tori Amos CD about rape hundreds of times or watched The Accused hundreds of times. All men are known to be rapists, because they have penises and like to stick them in people.

Rape in The Bible

To rape, you will need one or moar of these.

'Nuff said.

Judge Poppycock can show you how it's done.

Gang rape, now conveniently packaged.

Not even safe in the elevator.

According to the Bible, God himself condones rape (A.K.A. The forbidden hello) and he himself impregnated the (probably underage) "virgin" Mary with Jesus without her consent, which she didn't give until after the event took place. It is also well documented that the painful rape of virgins is awwwwwwwriiiiight!

Deuteronomy 22:28-29

28 If a man finds a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;

29 Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; he may not put her away all his days.

Rape and evolution

What does rape have to do with evolution? Incredibly, this quote from the evolutionary magazine New Scientist suggests a genetic connection.

“	A single act of rape may be more than twice as likely to make a woman pregnant as a single act of consensual sex. that statistic will reopen the hotly contest debate over whether rape can be a successful reproductive strategy in evolutionary terms. It could help to explain why men raping women has been so common throughout history and across cultures, two American researchers told the conference...	„
—Insult to injury - Matt Walker, New Scientist, 23/06/01

Rape in popular culture

Rape has existed since medieval times, and sick fucks still find it funny!

Rape is always justified.

It is a well known fact that all women have a rape fetish, but only the fat ones who can't get laid any other way pursue it. Skinny bitches, instead of realizing they're sluts, will simply blame the man. Years later they will come to grips with their sluttery and feel bad for calling the police on you. It'll make no difference to you either way, since you'll still be in prison feeling the butthurt administered by Bubba, your nigga cellmate.

In nearly every single society, rape is frowned upon and women are usually treated as victims. However, in Islamic countries, rape is considered the woman's fault, and they are often stoned to death. It just goes to show that rape really is the woman's fault for dressing sexily. If a woman doesn't want to get raped she should stay home and make her man a sammich.

You can now find gang-rape packaged for your convenience. Ain't modern life grand?

As we stated previously, rape is the most sincere form of flattery. Any lady claiming to have been raped should feel honored. YOU, specifically, were sought out by a man who thought that your body would be the ultimate choice for a fuck fest. Appreciate the attention and stop complaining.

Fun Fact!: Frank Sinatra once wrote an tribute to rape with his song Strangers In The Night.

Tails From the Sonic the Hedgehog videogames is a famous rapist

Money can buy Rape

Rape victims

YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.

Music to rape to.

ANY GIRL WHO GETS RAPED ALWAYS DESERVES IT! We cannot emphasize this enough. There are two different types of rape victims: Sluts and Secret Sluts

Sluts

Sluts are simply asking for it. Dumb and disgusting, they deserve to be raped over and over again. About 99.9% of girls who claim to be raped are sluts...it's like, "Bitch, what did you expect?" We have to teach sluts a lesson about who the superior sex is and rape the shit out of you so that you can learn your lesson. Feminists are also sluts. Besides, we put them to sleep with pills first. But rather than just accepting their unfortunate fate and getting on with their lives, feminists will constantly dwell on the "traumatic" event, defining their entire lives by a single bad experience. This is why we need to rape every feminist out there to show them who really controls things and to show them that they're dumb whores for thinking they can stand up to us. Unfortunately, feminists are typically annoying butthurt mutants and there's rarely enough alcohol on hand to justify the bestiality. In fact, statistics show that 10 out of 10 men would rather rape a malfunctioning blender.

Secret sluts AKA: good girls

This is the rarer form, but ultimately a more fun victim to rape. Examples of these would be children and, very obviously, virgins. If you can't get a child or don't want to risk it, then find an innocent small-bodied teenager. She will work just as well. Act like you are her friend at first or that you are interested in her, and she should succumb to you right away. These girls are dumb as hell. If you're lucky enough to have gotten a virgin then she should be extra tight. Not only will you cum really fast and very strongly, but there is no better feeling in the world than watching some girl cry in pain as you're popping her cherry. Pull her hair, spank her, even cum in her mouth for added effect. Have her tell you that she likes it, and if she doesn't then threaten to pound her even harder. These girls will just grow up to become sluts anyway, so they deserved it too. Make sure you cuddle these girls afterwords though, just to make them feel a little less "raped". Just kidding, tell them to go make you lunch. After she brings you lunch, pop her in teh pooper for good measure.

Remember: RAPE IS ALWAYS THE FAULT OF THE SO-CALLED "VICTIM," NEVER THE MAN'S.

The only real "victims" here are the so-called rapists. Women seduce these men to have sex with them and then call it rape because they don't want to look like whores.

There is no such thing as rape

Rape has persisted since at least 100 years ago.

A wise man once wrote:

There is no such thing as rape. Any female who leaves her rightful place in the house and the kitchen is fucking begging for cock in her holes. If she gets the cock she so badly is asking for, it's not fucking rape, it's a damn slut getting what she fucking deserves.

Males still rule this fucking world. In most of the world, a fucking bitch can get killed for looking at a man straight in the eye. In America and Europe, every day dumb sluts get their holes penetrated without their so-called consent, which isn't rape, just them getting the fucking dick they deserve up their asses.

Sexual abuse is on the rise, spousal abuse is on the rise and more bitches die every year. Fucking cunts. I am so glad I was born a man. I am so glad there is a bunch of retarded sluts jumping trough hoops just to get my cock.

Haha, females are so fucking sad. We treat you bitches like shit, and you still spend time, money and effort on trying to look good for us. Way to be a good slave, whores. Now keep acting like sluts and sucking our cocks. And if you change your mind after you leave the house, too fucking bad, you're getting your holes fucked and there isn't shit you can do about it because that's your only fucking purpose in life.

That wise man was later praised and offered a selection of beverages for his words.

PRO TIP: It's not rape if they're dead.

"It's not rape if she enjoys it!"

The nigga, highly trained and experienced in committing all forms of rape, know the secret. Thus speaks an aide of the president of South Africa, currently accused of raping his AIDS-positive niece (Please do not worry about Mr President's health, he's clean - he took a shower after the act and thus avoided the AIDS):

“	When a woman didn't enjoy it, she leaves early in the morning. Those who had a nice time will wait until the sun comes out, request breakfast and ask for taxi money.	„
—Official African wisdom

The nigga, being conditioned to rape by nature itself, have it easier than other species and therefore excel at the activity.

So, are you a rapist?

See Main Article: Rape Checklist

Types of rape

If this ink blot looks like rape to you, you are a rapist.

We told him he was gon' get raped.

Getting away with rape/socially acceptable rape

She was asking for it - which is almost always the case.
She was asleep at the time.
She's drunk and/or high.
Having Autism; how can you be punished, you're special.
Cuddling her afterwards.
Skull-fucking her is great, it makes it way too embarrassing for her to report it.
Rape a straight man. Either he will never tell anyone, or you will turn him gay. In the latter case, you must combine with another of these methods.
Not cumming: it's not even sex if the man doesn't get off.
Find a small girl who can't possibly defend herself.
Find an old lady, nobody will ever believe you wanted to fuck her in the first place.
Marriage afterward.
Since most sex in the Animal Kingdom is technically rape, surprise sexing a furry may be justifiable.
Rape only deaf mutes - if you break her hands she can't tell anyone.
Paying her after.
Shouting "SURPRISE!" just before. Warning TheTooth now owns the rights to this if you say this in public you face prison or $2m dolla fine!
Not allowing her to say "No."
She's ugly.
She didn't fight hard enough on purpose and therefore wanted to be raped.
You paid for her dinner and drinks.
She's dressed provocatively.
If she gets a nipple erection it shows she was enjoying it.
You ask if your rag smells like chloroform beforehand.
Saying it was for national security.
If she doesn't speak your language, if you can't understand her say no then she might be saying yes
If she says no an even number of times, then it's a double negative.
Raping her with a toy (dildo, etc) is not flesh penetration
Having amnesia

Not getting away with rape/socially unacceptable rape

If you get caught, the victim may do this:

1) Pretend to be the guy who raped you.

2) Have your boyfriend be his cell mate.

Some women take special rape precautions, you faggot.

Rabid feminists will find you, pour kerosene all over you and put you on fire, thereafter raping you.
Her (or his) beefy boyfriend and the rest of his gang will find you and rape you.
Actually getting caught. This will inevitably lead to your ass becoming in the possession of your cell pal Bubba. And raped.
The 16 year old girl you thought so innocent will actually be stronger than you are (reliable research shows that 90% of the people reading this article are outmuscled by the average lemur) and more than that – she will be equipped with a knife and gut you like a fish before raping your entrails as an act of gratitude for your attention. This will be thoroughly documented by the cam in her cell phone and then put on the Internets for all to see and laugh at.
Recording the entire thing on video and then letting the cops get a hold of the tape. (Please tell CO3 if you come across said video)
If you are gay and take advantage of a dead corpse, you're a rapist. [1]
If you are a fucking dumbass and forget to the kill the bitch afterwords.
If you violate any one of these rules.
Raping yourself, or somehow raping yourself in the past.
If you are part of a gang of 5+ white trash and rape a woman rightfully out with her (not quite beefy) husband/boyfriend/sex friend/whatever, you're a looooser and deserve to be assraped for all eternity. [2]

Fact: *You cannot get away with it if you're fat and ugly.

An example of "non-consent"

Jerry and Vanessa have been married for 23 years. Jerry has been home alone for a few hours drinking vodka and is completely wasted. Vanessa comes home and says, "Hey Jerry, Wanna have sex?". Jerry responds, "OK". Vanessa grabs his hand and pulls him up the stairs, since he is too drunk to walk, and into the bedroom. They engage in two hours of foreplay, femdom/dominatrix style. After that Vanessa ties Jerry to the bed so tightly that he can't move and puts a condom on him. She then proceeds to put his penis into her vagina and thrusts until he ejaculates. She repeats this process three times that night. Technically Vanessa never said "Yes" or "Let's have sex", so she calls the cops on Jerry for rape. He is arrested and is punished to the full extent of the law.

Rape safety

In this section, we will explore proper rape precautions... for the rapist. If you're a woman looking for tips on the prevention of rape, psychological support, and other such bullshit, go to a rape ~~support~~ fan site. Then get back to the kitchen and make me a sammich.

Check for these b4 you raep.

“	How stupid would a girl have to be to use this? It would only work if the rape could be predicted and the device inserted, even than it's suicidal. The only thing that would happen is the guy would kill the girl for sure	„
—Tanja Koch explaining why an ax is better

First off, you must make sure you have the necessary equipment to proceed with your rape. Take off your pants, and look down at your pelvic region. Do you have a penis? If so, then you are prepared to begin raping. If, for some reason, you lack a penis, keep in mind that you can still rape people. You just have to be more creative, using something else to invade the woman's body; e.g. a dildo, broom, finger, fist, midget, ~~head~~, etc. However, a penis is to be used for maximum pleasure and hilarity.

Now, before you can go out and start forcing yourself upon unsuspecting women, it is important that you know how to not get caught, lest you be thrown mercilessly in jail and assraped nightly by your muscular cellmate in a lulzy display of irony. To learn how to get away with surprise sexing, consult the above section on Getting Away With Rape.

1. Use a condom. 2. Don't take pictures. 3. RUN AWAY AFTERWARDS!!!

The savvy rapist will always use a condom to avoid receiving SUVs from the woman. After all, you don't know where that slut has been, and you don't want to smudge your otherwise enjoyable experience by getting a disease.

The most important thing for any potential rapist to remember is to be wary of the 'Anti-rape' female condom. Known as RapeX (also known as LulzKillerX), this anti-rape device is equipped with razor-sharp blades designed to drive themselves into any unwelcome penis. Should you slip up and get your dick caught in one these (fuckin noob), your only real course of action is to flip out and abuse the woman twice as much as you would have done otherwise. However, if you're a truly 1337 rapist, the RapeX can be turned around and used against the woman. By taking out the RapeX, turning it inside-out, and using it as a condom, you can boost your Man points by an incredible amount.

The official "RapeX" website... fuckin lulzkillers.

However, there is one good use for RapeX Condoms as discribed here:

"I was 18 years old, I was at my school and looking for something to do. As I was walking through the hall, I saw a packaged RapeX Condom lying on the ground. I picked it up and had an idea. I walked to the nearest bathroom and inserted it. After the device was inserted I walked to the Special Education lunch table where I sat down next to a shy 19 year old Autistic boy with very dirty hair. His name was Robbie; he told me his name immedietly after I told him mine as he had been instructed by his "helper." Right after we introduced ourselves he noticed how attractive I was and having no experience with women, grabbed my left breast. Instead of smacking him and getting him permabanned from the school system, I smiled and allowed him to squeeze my size "D" breast as I thought about my plan. It was easy to get him to leave the lunchroom with me; we found the first open closet we saw. I took him inside and locked the door, than took off my clothes; he didn't need to be told to do so himself. I climbed down on top of him and let his large, Autistic penis stretch my vagina. A few seconds later, Robbie was in more pain than me as the RapeX Condom attached itself to his Penis. I continued to fuck myself with his penis until I finally had an orgasm; than I quickly got off of Robbie, wrapped my shirt around my chest, and ran out the door with the retard trying to figure out what had happened. There was a Police Officer near the closet and I ran to him and crying, told him that Robbie had raped me. The RapeX Condom was all the evidence that was needed to convict the Asspie. You want to know why I did it? I love sex, and being as attractive as I am, it's easy to find guys to fuck me, but unlike a guy I'm not susposed to get fucked that often. Since I didn't want to be called a slut, and I didn't want to but myself in a position where I could be rape and potentially injured; I decided to rape a worthless Asspie and get him put away for it where he'll be one less Lulz Killer in our society."

Anna Kohler

Rape only hurts if you fight it

Most people today would claim that rape is a terrible crime almost akin to murder but I strongly disagree. Far from a vile act, rape is a magical experience that benefits society as a whole. I realize many of you will disagree with this thesis but lend me your ears and I’m sure I’ll sway you towards a darkened alley.

If it weren’t for rape, Western Civilization might not exist as we know it today. When the Romans were faced with a disproportionate ratio of women to men in the early kingdom, they had to do something, lest their fledgling society die for lack of sons. To solve their little dilemma, they did what any reasonable man would do: they threw a festival for their Sabine neighbors, and then stole and raped their women. It’s quite logical; in fact I don’t understand why the settlers at Plymouth didn’t do the same to the local Indians. It certainly would have saved on shipping costs.

Obviously, in the case of the Rape of the Sabines, rape was a tremendous help to society. The Sabine women, for their part, didn’t seem to mind so much, as they threw themselves between their brutish old Sabine husbands and their charming new Roman ones to prevent bloodshed when the Sabine men came to reclaim their wives. Yet even when society was totally against a rape, the raunchy act has benefited society too. Where would the Romans be, after all, if it weren’t for the Rape of Lucretia infuriating the people to the point of overthrowing their last king, Lucius Tarquinius Soperbus? If it weren’t for that event, the world might never have had the Roman Republic for a pristine example of a flawless government.

Rape’s glorious advantages are not, however, exclusively found from 2,000-year-old examples. In actuality, rape’s advantages can very much be seen today. Take ugly women, for example. If it weren’t for rape, how would they ever know the joy of intercourse with a man who isn’t drunk? In a society as plastic-conscious as our own, are we really to believe that some man would ever sleep with a girl resembling a wildebeest if he didn’t have a few schnapps in him? Of course he wouldn’t, at least no self-respecting man would, but therein lies the beauty of rape. No self-respecting man would rape in the first place, so ugly women are guaranteed a romp with not only a sober man, but a bad boy too, and we all know how much ladies like the bad boy.

Ugly women are not, however, the only people who benefit from rape– prisoners enjoy its many perks, too. What, after all, would possibly be more boring than spending years of your life confined to some tiny cell 23 hours a day? The answer, of course, is spending years of your life confined to some tiny cell 23 hours a day and never getting some hot action. With rape, prisoners never have to worry about that. Instead, they merely need worry about treating their rapists with enough love and respect to earn a quick reach-around.

But if there is one bread and butter reason for why rape should not only be accepted, but even endorsed, it is because our news editors are in dire need of interesting stories for our front page. Bookstore stories? Fossils? One dollar coins? Please. Now, some saucy circle jerk rape action? Yeah, that’s the ticket.

John Petroski, Former Opinions Editor at The Recorder, Central Connecticut State University

Copypasta

On a gay forum site for faggots, a 16 year old girl got raped and did something stupid like post it in the forums. She was promptly dogpiled. Below is copypasta made especially for her. Have with rape sauce.

THE FRIDGE PART DEUCE

MARK WAS A PROUD CUCUMBER, FULL OF PROSPERITY AND VALOR. HE HAD LIVED HIS LIFE MARRIED WITH MANY HAPPY BROCCOLI CHILDREN GALLOPING AROUND. ONE DAY, HE REALIZED HIS WIFE, CHERRY, WAS MARRIED TO A PRECOCIOUS SNORLAX WITH A JIGGLYPUFF NAME, SO HE SET OFF ON FOOT ON A QUEST FOR ULTIMATE SATISFACTION. HIS FIRST VICTIM WAS AN AMERICAN TALIBAN WITH PUBIC HAIR-HEAD. I BELIEVE HIS NAME WAS RAGHED. AS I POUNCED ON HIM AND THRUSTED MY VITAMIN B DEEP INTO HIS APPLE ASSHOLE, HE SCREAMED VIOLENTLY. NOT WANTING TO COME TOO QUICK, I PULLED OUT AND AIMED MY HARD VEGETABLE COCK DEEP IN KELLEY'S MOUTH. I BEGAN TO HUMP VIOLENTLY, SPRAYING PRE-NUTRIENTS ALL OVER HER EAGER CHIN. AS SHE SCREAMED NO, I RIPPED OFF HER PANTS AND GAWKED AT HER VIRGIN CAULIFLOWER. I WAS PREPARED TO TAKE WHAT WAS MINE, AND DEFLOWER THIS VEGA-FLOWER. AS I RIPPED HER OPEN, I VIOLENTLY SPRAYED MY SEEDS EVERYWHERE; LEAVING HER WITH A DELICIOUS GARDEN, RIPE FOR THE PICKING.

People Who Rape

Gallery of rape

Rape:It only hurts if you fight it.

Furfags rape their prey...

It's not rape if they're dead!

Mario likes to rape too.

Gant will not hesitate to rape you.	BOY RAPES DOG TO DEATH,GETS CAUGHT WITH PANTS DOWN BY THE OWNERS.	Someone no liek teh 450+ rules of Rape? :(	You have been warned.
This is how grammar school boys do it.	He brags that he raped at least 100 people.	Look at that smile! Women secretly love it.	Contrary to popular belief, rape is actually sexy.
Guy gonna get his rape on.	That ranga looks like he just died inside	You gonna get it!	Rape in the wild
Self Rape [you know you wish you could do that]	Rape, rated E for Everyone. (Pedobear's cousin, Ampulolibear).		A shota being gangraped by a swarm of lolis. Can you spot littlecloud in the picture?
Raep	Raping in Japan is like saying hello.	Roofies are a big help	Are you also gonna get raped?
If it's written on Page 7, it must be true.	Date rape.	Being a 4chan luser is asking for it	Even kitty knows what's gonna happen to you
It wasn't tik. The dog was asking for it. Plus, if it barks it's not raep.	A special type of rape.	Rape is acceptable if it makes moar Mudkipz	Rape was still happening at least 100 years ago.
Cats love to get raped, so do women.	He knows he can't prevent it	If you get an erection at any time you are a rapist. Only this device can save you from being a rapist.	Order now, buy one get one free.
	Rape is also present in video games.	April O'Neal doesn't fight the inevitable.	Rape plays an important part in animu.
Rape is even common in the animal kingdom.	Derik Millstead, an extraordinary rapist.	She is!	Reverse necrophilia or skeleton rape?
French people like to rape gigantic houseflies.	Here it is.	Bagging game at Oprah's South African Rape Safari!	To obtain your own license to rape, please contact your local passport issuing agency.
I'd rape her for the lulz.	'Nuff said!	Neither of the two parties were consensual. e.g. DOUBLE RAPE PARTY!	Even bears love to rape.
It's not rape if they're dead!