Pitchfork

Photo by William Kirk

A couple weeks ago, Pitchfork News reported that Marnie Stern-- the guitar hero fresh off the Kill Rock Stars release of her stellar sophomore set This Is It and I Am It and You Are It and So Is That and He Is It and She Is It and It Is It and That Is That-- would host kissing booths at a few shows. The story had its obvious appeals (pretty, talented gal doling out the smooches, OMG), and, curious as to how the experiment worked out, we rang up Stern late last week. She told us that it all started as a way to make money to pay for a traffic ticket, and that the kissing booths are still happening on the regular, contrary to our initial report. She also discussed the rigors of road life with a WiFi car and a cute pooch, her days as a pool shark, an anatomical catchphrase in the making, and all the other ways a touring band thinks to make money beyond the door receipts.

Pitchfork: So, the kissing booth. Are you tired of talking about it?

MS: Yeah, well, I just have no idea! We got the ticket, we're broke, barely scraping by. So we thought-- well the tour manager, Malia [James], said, "Let's do a kissing booth with Gang Gang [Dance, with whom Stern is touring]." And so everyone decided we should do a kissing booth. And then, so we [laughs] made up the sign, we first-- which was in Seattle-- and nobody was doing it, so the Gang Gang guys paid [laughs] for the first couple nights.

Pitchfork: That's sweet.

MS: Isn't that sweet? And then... I don't know. Then we sort of stopped doing it, but um, I don't know, it's fun.

Pitchfork: Is there just one traffic ticket? Or more?

MS: Nooo, it's one ticket. It's like 300 bucks. We still haven't even made it back.

Pitchfork: That's a serious traffic ticket. What happened?

MS: We were 20 miles... we were 20... god, this is how hungover I am. It was $260, but they also charged us... a seatbelt. We weren't wearing our seatbelts. And the guy was a dick. I mean, I have a dog in the car. Wouldn't you just give a warning if you saw a little puppy? I think you would.

Pitchfork: I would think.

MS: But no! [laughs] So yeah, and also, the economy. Gas prices are really, like-- I'm trying to be able to pay the whole band! So we're squeakin' by here, so we thought the kissing booth would maybe be a good way to-- also, we were shipped for t-shirts and we didn't get the t-shirts, and so this was the new plan. But Malia, the tour manager, participates, too. Also, Fig has gotten two kisses. The dog.

Pitchfork: Well that's good to know, I'm glad it's not just you.

MS: Yeah, no, these boys haven't gotten any. But they don't stand by the booth properly. But the dog-- isn't that cute? Two people gave $3 for a kiss on the cheek from the doggie. Awwww! [adopts talking-to-animals voice] I'd pay five billion dollars if I could get a little kiss from a cute little doggie. So yeah, so I guess we'll try and continue it. I can't believe we haven't made up the ticket yet because I've kissed a bunch of boys.

Pitchfork: From what I've heard, it's not going all that well.

MS: No. It's not.

Pitchfork: People seem reticent to come up to you.

MS: I keep saying, "Does anyone want a kiss?" And nobody comes over [laughs]. It's not true, it's not true. In San Francisco and L.A. there were a lot of takers.

Pitchfork: But nobody has dropped $100 yet.

MS: No. But the boys are so sweet. They're nervous. It's the sweetest thing ever in the whole world. But, I mean, how hard is it to make $300 with smooches? Apparently very difficult. Um, but Malia partakes too. So yeah, I don't know if there will be any St. Louis takers, or any Ohio takers or any Pontiac, Michigan takers, but hopefully New York will have some. And we're playing the shows with Gang Gang again, so at the very least, maybe they'll pay me [laughs].

Pitchfork: At least you'll get that.

MS: We got along so well with them on tour, it was so sad when we had to leave them. We keep texting "we miss you!" to each other.

Pitchfork: Awwww.

MS: I know? Isn't that nice?

Pitchfork: It is nice, it was a good fit. I saw you guys in Chicago, it was a very good show.

MS: It was so fun playing with them and hanging out with them every night. Ohhhh,  bummer. But we've got those two shows in New York, so it'll be a reunion.

Pitchfork: That's good. Hometown gigs.

MS: Now what do you think of the kissing booth?

Pitchfork: What do I think of it? I wonder why no one has done it before. To my knowledge.

MS: Yeah, wanna know why? Because everyone is so, uh... I don't know. I don't know! [At this point, Stern, a non-driver, attempts to continue talking while turning on the band's car in order to lower the windows for her dog, Fig. It was very funny in a way not easily communicated via text.] Can I tell you that everyone in the band at first was worried that I was bringing the dog, and now they are in love with her.

Pitchfork: Why were they--

MS: You know, the idea of like, "Oh shit, a dog is on tour?" But she's just a little lady, they all love her!

Pitchfork: If you were, like, more hippie, you know, you would definitely have a dog. You might have five dogs.

MS: [laughs] And Gang Gang loves Fig. Loves Fig. She's a real uniter, I think. So I can't think of anything else to say about the booth, except that I'm a little disappointed that we're not rakin' in the dough.

Pitchfork: Have you thought of any improvements to make? I guess I don't know how else you could do it, really.

MS: Well, my manager bought me Revlon bright red lipstick. But he's not straight, so I don't think he realizes that when you kiss someone, then there's lipstick all over the face, and nobody wants that.

Pitchfork: Well, maybe like a souvenir. Maybe if you took a Polaroid or something...

MS: Well everyone was taking-- the people who did ask all took pictures at the same time, holding up the camera. A little odd.

Pitchfork: Well, like I said, it's a very interesting thing that you're doing, that I wish were working out a little better.

MS: Maybe it will! Maybe it just needs time to gain momentum.

Pitchfork: That could be. Maybe people just aren't ready for it yet.

MS: Yeah. Yeah.

Pitchfork: I can see that. OK, Let's talk about something else. I recently read a live chat you did with ESPN. How did that come about?

MS: It was cool! I was nervous I was gonna get hard sports questions, but the way it works is, the guy from ESPN,  he reads the questions to me on the phone as he's receiving them, then I answer back and he types it in. And none of them were sports-related.

Pitchfork: I noticed that. Why do you think that was?

MS: I don't know. Because they secretly knew I didn't know that much about sports?

Pitchfork: Maybe that's it.

MS: There were kissing booth questions, there were music questions, there were... I don't know, not that many questions.

Pitchfork: Are you a sports fan at all?

MS: Kinda. The beginning of high school, I played basketball. I like tennis a lot, I'll tell you. I like tennis. But I don't know much about baseball. I just like going to the game and drinking the beer and, you know, doin' the thing.

Pitchfork: Well, that's the best part.

MS: But you know, people say that baseball is actually the most interesting sport, but I don't understand. Can you tell me why?

Pitchfork: There's a lot of strategy involved, and it changes a lot from game to game. I'm not a huge fan, myself. I like it fine, but I like football the best.

MS: Ohhh! Now football, I have tried to get into football so many times. There's a lot of information.

Pitchfork: There is. There's a huge learning curve.

MS: Oh, you know how I used to make a lot of money? Playing pool.

Pitchfork: You would hustle?

MS: I was in a pool league, and my friends were really embarrassed, because it was all in the East Village in New York, and you know, they would close it on like a Monday night. They would close the pool area for the league at different bars, and my friends would come in and see me and get really embarrassed [laughs]. But I used to always, always play for money. Every single night I'd play for 50 bucks, and I never lost. And because I never lost, then I had more confidence. I was on a streak for like, two years. And I made goooood money.

And then-- well, I probably drank it all-- but then one night, I went on a date, and I was playing against some guy, and I lost for the first time. Of course, I didn't have the money, so I had to ask the date. I said, "Double or nothing." And I lost. So since then, I didn't play for money for a long time. And then I was at a bar on Fourth of July, and I played the bouncer, and he was huge. Like 6'4", really heavy, and I won! And he was like, "You're a shark." I said, "I'm not a shark, you're just a really shitty player." He wouldn't give me my money. I was screaming at him in the bar, "Give me my money! You owe me that money, dammit! You owe me!" And he never paid me. It was awful. The boyfriend I had then, I went home and I said, "I won pool! Can you please go get me my money?" And he said, "Yes," and we went to the bar and he said, "Who is it?" And I said, "Him!" He said, "Are you crazy?" [laughs].

Pitchfork: That must've been a seriously big dude.

MS: He was a big dude...Oh, I'll tell you what's good about this tour is that we have WiFi in the car.

Pitchfork: You have WiFi in the car?

MS: In the car. So when you're driving, you can be on the Internet.

Pitchfork: That is the future.

MS: Mmm hmm. So what we've been doing, if there is, like, a TV show or a movie, we plug it into the radio thing, and then the people in the front listen, and the people in the back watch...I guess we've got like two weeks left [on this tour].

Pitchfork: So you have plenty of time to generate crazy stories and make money kissing dudes. Has anything else crazy happened on this tour?

MS: Yeah...I haven't slept much lately. There's got to be something funny that happened! Well, you know I like to say the word "vagina" all the time, right?

Pitchfork: I didn't, but that's good to know.

MS: I say it all the time, but I don't say it in a sexual way. I'm not thinking of it in a sexual way, 'cause then when [guitarist] Mark Shippy says something like, sexual, I say, "Mark! My god!" So the tour manager and I just say "vagina" a lot. That's not really funny, but everything becomes "vagina." "Vagina Café". [laughs]

Pitchfork: Is there a reason? If it's not sexual, but you're using it all the time--

MS: I say it as, like, an "Oh, shucks!" "Oh, vagina!" [laughs] You probably should not put that in there.

Pitchfork: No? I feel like that could get big. That could enter the lexicon.

MS: [laughs] I think it's because when I was growing up... when you grew up, did your parents talk about-- not sex-- but when you went to the movies, and there was a sex scene, did you get embarrassed?

Pitchfork: Yeah, I was very uncomfortable.

MS: Very uncomfortable, right? Well I think because I was very uncomfortable too, so when I was in college and my friends would say anything sex-- like vagina-- I was like, "Oh my god." So I think I say it as a way to, you know, make it not... if I say it enough, it's not uncomfortable.

Pitchfork: Does it work? Do you find yourself, when people say other stuff--

MS: Oh, it still makes me uncomfortable. But it's also just a silly saying. Right?

Pitchfork: You know it. Does this tour seem like a permanent vacation?

MS: Eeeee-oh. Well, it's kinda like camp. Or Outward Bound or something. You know, they're dirty and tired and you don't want to drink, but then you're just waiting and you're so bored that you say, "OK, I'll have a drink." You know, it's like hurry up and wait. But this tour we've been doing so much driving, oh my god! Tons of 15-hour drives.

Pitchfork: Jeez.

MS: I know. We've done four 15-hour drives, and every other day, they haven't been less than eight or nine hours.

Pitchfork: That's crazy!

MS: Isn't that? That's a lot of driving. Towards the end now, as we go back, I think it's going to be around five hours. And you know, your back gets weird from sitting. Also, because I've got-- such a boo-boo-- I've got the dog, I want her to be comfortable, so I let her sprawl, and then I'm sitting up straight as an arrow [laughs]. But yeah, tons of long drives. And that's why it was fun with Gang Gang too, because you do the long drive, but then you get there and you get to see them and hang out. Boy, are they fun. And nice.

In L.A., we were gonna do a jam-- because it was our last show together-- on stage, but I think we're gonna wait and do it in New York.

Pitchfork: Have you worked that out at all?

MS: Mmm mmm, but we've talked about it a bunch of times. Maybe it will just be a drum fest. Maybe I'll play on the-- what do you call them? Roto-toms? What Lizzie [Bougatsos, Gang Gang Dance frontwoman] plays when she's singing, she hits like drums on a stand. Anyway, I think it would be fun if we all did that. But maybe I'll do guitar. I don't know. But I'd like to jam with them.

Pitchfork: Sure, that would be really cool. I think people would enjoy it.

MS: Yeah. I'll tell you, touring is boring! The tour manager's boyfriend, he's been here for the last two days, so I've just been with the dudes. It's nice to have a girl around. And he's very nice. And last night we did a surprise show at the Beauty Bar. Jason Reese owns part of it, from Trail of Dead. He's very nice, we had a lot of fun with him. And then we're doing a radio thing and then another show and then another radio thing. But it's super fun!

Pitchfork: It sounds like work. Doesn't even sound like camp, even.

MS: You see, it would be so nice if I was making some money, 'cause then I'd be like, "OK, well I'm working." But what are you gonna do? I'm so lucky to be doing it anyway, who gives a shit. I really don't. As long as I can get pet food and cigarettes, I'm fine.


Marnie Stern:

11-25 Cleveland, OH - Beachland Tavern #
11-26 Washington, DC - DC9 #
11-28 Brooklyn, NY - Music Hall of Williamsburg *
11-29 New York, NY - Santos Party House *
11-30 Milford, CT - Daniel Street #
12-01 Boston, MA - Church #
12-08 New York, NY - Knitting Factory (New York Cares benefit) !

* with Gang Gang Dance
# with Talk Normal
! with David Cross, Conrad Keely, Nick Diamonds, Leona Naess