Pitchfork

According to reports from the Associated Press and Wired, traffic has been unusually light on the official web page for music fans seeking their share of a $143 million class-action settlement being offered to U.S. consumers who purchased a CD-- and that's any CD, even Guns N' Roses' The Spaghetti Incident?-- between January 1, 1995 and December 22, 2000. Despite providing a simple web-based form which allows plaintiffs to join the settlement group by answering three yes-or-no questions, only 30,000 users had filed claims as of December. Now, $44 million of the settlement is being paid out in cold hard cash, so that's like $1,400 each! Plasma-screen TV's and Haagen-Dazs for everyone!

Well, okay, so the offer is limited to $20 bucks per plaintiff (although curiously, the site's application form allows one to make posthumous claims on behalf of the dead). And-- this is the real catch-- if somehow word gets out en masse and more than 8.8 million plaintiffs sign up, then the cash settlement will be distributed to "not-for-profit corporations and/or charitable organizations and/or governmental or public entities within your state, to be used for music-related purposes or programs." You know, like buying new guitar amps for the retarded! (Don't forget to send us the tapes for review!)

The settlement is being made by defendants including the five major label groups (Bertelsmann, Capitol/EMI, Sony, Warner Bros, and Universal) as well as national retail chains including Tower, TransWorld and Musicland. The original lawsuit, brought about by attorney generals in 41 states, contended that compact disc distributors and retail chains effectively fixed prices on CDs between 1995 and 2000 via the so-called "minimum advertised price" policy. Under the MAP scheme, labels helped pay for retailers' advertising costs as long as retailers agreed to sell the CDs offered at a price determined by the labels. Evil, huh? And you were wondering how anyone could have the balls to sell Hole's Celebrity Skin for $18.99!

So, anyway, the offer is open to U.S. consumers who join the settlement group before March 3rd, 2003. No receipts or proofs of purchase are necessary-- applicants are required to answer three questions (literally "Did you purchase a Music Product?", "Was your purchase from a retailer?", and "Was your purchase made between January 1, 1995 and December 22, 2000?") and submit an address to mail the check to. Only one claim per customer will be honored, according to the official site linked below.