Pitchfork

[Posted Thursday, September 11th, 2003 04:30:00 Pitchfork Central Time]

We didn't think it could be done, but we were wrong: the douchebags at the Recording Industry Association of America have sunk to a new low. Among the 261 alleged copyright infringers targeted in a new wave of lawsuits against users who share files online is Brianna LaHara, a 12-year-old honors student living in a New York City housing project, according to reports from the Associated Press and the New York Daily News. The little tyke was sued by the RIAA Tuesday morning, causing her mother, Sylvia Torres, to settle the suit for $2,000 and an admission of wrongdoing.

According to Torres, the child's downloads included TV theme songs and nursery-school staples such as "If You're Happy And You Know It." Let me venture a guess here: little Brianna ain't clapping no hands or stomping no feet right now. According to the New York Daily News, after learning about the suit, Brianna exclaimed, "Oh, my God, what's going to happen now? My stomach is all in knots." U.S. copyright law permits the trade organization to sue alleged infringers for up to $150,000 per song being shared, and the defendants in most cased were sharing more than 1,000 songs, meaning that the maximum damages sought by the group could total $150 million per user. Most of the recent suits have been settled for less than $3,000.

RIAA president Carey Sherman chimes in: "When your product is being regularly stolen, there comes a time when you have to take appropriate action." Carey, you made a little girl cry! Okay, so the lobbyists want to stop people from the scary file-sharers who may or may not hurt their racket of selling 30-cent CD's for more than 60 times that amount, and that's fine. Anyone who's ever seen an episode of The Sopranos can empathize with the need to protect the family business, but aren't you getting a little Ralphie by going out with all guns blazing on a 7th grader?

The RIAA has also, for some reason, been targeting grandparents in their sweeping round of suits. Wait, we just got it-- they're going after grandma's Social Security check! Take 71-year-old Durwood Pickle of Richardson, TX. After recieving notice that he, too, was being sued by the RIAA, he claimed that he's "not a computer-type person" and that his grandkids were possibly the ones who committed the actual file-sharing on his connection. "I didn't do it," he told the AP, "and I don't feel like I'm responsible. How do I get out of this? Dadgum it, got to get a lawyer on this." Did you know that Microsoft Office doesn't come with the correct spelling of "dadgum it" pre-loaded?