Pitchfork

[Posted Wednesday, September 17th, 2003 05:00:00 Pitchfork Central Time]

Ladies and gentlemen, hoist your lighters in lament: the gangster gorilla baron of the heavily-compressed alt-rock universe has chugged its last brew and rocked its last thunderous riff. That's right, friends (or foes, depending on whether or not you stopped by to see if we've apologetically retracted our review of The Fragile ye-- heylookzwan), I regret to ecstatically announce that the awkwardly-titled supergroup-plus-a-bald-guy known simply as Zwan no longer treads this mortal coil.

On the baneful morning of September 15th, Zwan's second fiddle/ coffee boy extraordinaire Billy Corgan announced to a Chicago news affiliate that the group had called it quits. "I received a fax from the other guys in the band telling me it wasn't working out," Corgan might have said in a world with any justice. "It was really weird, and at first I thought I was on one of those jokey hidden camera ha-ha shows. After yelling 'okay, you got me!' for a good 40 minutes, reality sank in and I hopped in my '87 Camry to go talk to the guys. I was like... Hey fellas, what's going on? Is this why you haven't been returning my calls?" In an introspective moment that is sure to have made more than one fan (or Zwiggalo, as they have christened themselves) break into tearful eruptions, the imaginary ex-Pumpkin acquiesced to the events that had transpired with an audible "glump" of his cumbersome pride. "Well, I suppose it's for the best. I really wouldn't have wanted the guys to go on doing something that they weren't one hundred percent comfortable with. I hope that we all remain the very best of friends, and if anyone out there knows of a rock band looking for a really skitchin' new guitarist, you can reach me on AIM at MasterBlaster79."

In a rare moment broken away from my mournful vigil at the base of my prodigious Shrine de Zwan, I was able to reach former band member David Pajo for a printworthy dictum on the current debacle. "Haha!" the exclamatory post-rock pioneer wrote Pitchfork. "I could speak volumes about the Zwan eggsperience, but I should save it for my boring audio-book when I'm 60... there are lots of other great and terrible things to think about right now." Strong words from an even stronger man. I don't know how many of you watch those shows on ESPN2 where the guys in spandex hurl barrels at tiny Italian men and benchpress John Goodman, but if you're one of the dignified few who do, you're not going to forget the Pajo/ Rasmoosin tractorlift showdown of 'ought three anytime soon.

Pajo tells us to expect some type of "official statement" regarding Zwan on the Papa M site around the break of October, as well as offering to answer any remaining questions I (and presumably you) might have about the split through that venue.

And speaking of Papa M, the live incarnation of which now features former Zwan and Perfect Circle bandmember Paz Lenchantin, it's as good a time as any to print a fresh, jazzy new set of tour dates for your listening enjoyment:

09-30 Minneapolis, MN - First Ave
10-01 Milwaukee, WI - Modjeska Theater
10-03 Newport, KY - Southgate House
10-04 Chicago, IL - The Abbey
10-05 Indianapolis, IN - Radio Radio
10-06 Nashville, TN - The End
10-07 Memphis, TN - Young Avenue Deli
10-08 Jackson, MS - Martin's Lounge
10-09 Austin, TX - Mercury
10-10 Denton, TX - Rubber Gloves
10-13 Tucson, AZ - Solar Culture
10-14 San Diego, CA - Casbah
10-15 Costa Mesa, CA - Detroit Bar
10-17 Los Angeles, CA - Spaceland
10-18 San Francisco, CA - Bottom of the Hill
10-20 Seattle, WA - Chop Suey
10-21 Portland, OR - Berbati's Pan
10-23 Salt Lake City, UT - Kilby Court
10-24 Denver, CO - Larimer Lounge
10-25 Lawrence, KS - Replay Lounge
10-26 Columbia, MO - Shattered
10-27 Champaign, IL - Cowboy Monkey