Billy Corgan Making Solo Album: "No Compromises" This Time!
"I wonder if Courtney Love will help me write some music?"

[Updated Friday, January 30th, 2004 02:00:00 Pitchfork Central Time]

Hey man! Long time no see, bro! What's it been, like five or six years? Shit! You're looking good man! Dude, I'm glad I ran into you. I just heard the coolest thing! Remember when we were back in the dorm together, and that total-fucking-douche-bag next door used to crank the Smashing Pumpkins all the time? Man, that guy was a total shyster. Sincerely.

Anyway, you remember how we both really hated that shit at first, but then by the end of spring semester, both of us had caved in and bought Siamese Dream? Dude, that's bullshit, you totally bought it too. I totally remember you buying it and taking it over to Chad's place for that kegger. Remember? The one you barfed at? Good point, you did barf at most of them. Ha ha! Anyway, I just found out that Billy Corgan, you know, that bald dude, is working on a solo album. Doesn't that just totally rock?

Nah man, he hasn't really been laying low. He had a band called The Swans, or, shit what was it? Ah, it was Zwan! That's right. Anyway, he had this band called Zwan that had some guy in it from a band called Tortoise, and a dude from Chavez (no, I never heard of either of them, but I thought you might have. You were always into some weird shit), and I think it even had the Pumpkins drummer in it. What was his name? Ha, got'cha! I knew it was Jimmy Chamberlin, but you wouldn't have known that if you didn't have some of their records! Busted, bi-atch! Anyway, Zwan totally bit the dust after, like, one album or something.

So now he's working on this solo record. It's supposed to be cool. Billy said that he was "excited to work on music, because for the first time in my life it will be my tunes with no compromises to anyone or anything." Bro, I can't wait! He also said that the record would "be loud and beautiful and poetic and dumb." Sounds like that cow Jenny from the O-Hall you were porking, except for the beautiful part, ha ha! Bullshit man, you totally nailed her! But seriously, the record is supposed to be out on Warner Bros. by the end of the year, and he's gonna have, like, some guests on it and stuff. Nah, I don't know who yet. And if that's not enough, I even heard he had a book of poetry going on too. I shitteth thou not, bro!

Oh, you gotta split? That's cool, man. It was cool seeing you too, homes. Don't be such a stranger. Oh, here's your burrito, do you need any hot sauce or anything?

Billy Corgan: http://www.billycorgan.com