Pitchfork

Aux armes, citoyens! Formez vos bataillons! Marchons! Marchons! Qu'un sang impur abreuve nos sillons, and shit.

As you may or may not have gleaned from the paraphrased chorus of "La Marseillaise" (and pardon my French), keyboard duo Air are preparing to wage French holy war upon the nylon-windsuit wearing, too loudly speaking, pigheaded, steak-eating, tough-ass patriots of the American shitterati. Man, writing stuff in French makes you feel like one suave, sexy bastard. I could do it all day. Joie de vivre! Comment allez vous? Mise en scene! J'aime parler fran¸ais. Merde! Merde! Merdre (Alfred Jarry version)!

Back on topic. You may remember Air from such soundtracks as The Virgin Suicides or from their recent full-length, Talkie Walkie, which stripped away the stylish kitsch of Moon Safari and the darkly stylish kitsch of 10,000Hz Legend in favor of more immediate and dairy-free compositions. As in, it didn't sound so much like earlier Air albums as the soundtrack for a cheesy sci-fi B-movie with cardboard props.

It's been nearly three years since Air last toured the States, so fans should be stoked about this chance to catch up on their gussied-up elevator music in the live setting. This tour includes a stop at that Salmonella Festival or whatever it is the kids keep talking about. I don't know what's so great about diseases contracted from undercooked chicken; it all sounds pretty mops and brooms if you ask me.

If you're an asshole still holding a grudge against the French for failing to support us in our debacle of a war, and feel sketchy about supporting anything froggy in these times of rampant jingoism, yet still have an unslakeable thirst for lace-cuffed keyboard muzak, here's my advice: Take a cue from David Rees' Get Your War On. Preserve your American heritage by showing up to the gig in a huge fuckin' SUV... with an American flag flying at half-mast on its antenna. What could be less French? The tour dates, courtesy of Astralwerks:

04-02 Austin, TX - Austin Music Hall
04-03 Dallas, TX - Nextstage
04-05 New Orleans, LA - Twiropa
04-06 Atlanta, GA - Earthlink Live
04-08 Washington, D.C. - 9:30 Club
04-09 Washington, D.C. - 9:30 Club
04-10 Philadelphia, PA - Electric Factory
04-12 Boston, MA - Avalon
04-13 New York, NY - Hammerstein Ballroom
04-16 Montreal, Quebec - Metropolis
04-17 Toronto, Ontario - Kool Haus
04-18 Pontiac, MI - Clutch Cargo
04-20 Chicago, IL - Riviera
04-21 Minneapolis, MN - State Theater
04-22 Milwaukee, WI - The Rave
04-24 Englewood, CO - Gothic
04-27 Portland, OR - Crystal Ballroom
04-28 Vancouver, British Columbia - Orpheum
04-29 Seattle, WA - Paramount Theater
05-01 Phoenix, AZ - Marquee Theater
05-02 Coachella, CA - Coachella Festival (w/ Belle & Sebastian, Flaming Lips)
05-03 Oakland, CA - Paramount