Pitchfork: Need New Body Sell Custom Clothing, Tiny CDs on U.S Tour

Need New Body Sell Custom Clothing, Tiny CDs on U.S Tour
No clothing, no future!

Josh Bauchner & Ryan Schreiber report:
Friends and family: Spazcore maniacs Need New Body are ready. They're ready to send you into contorted fits of outrageous glee, to stomp all over your preconceptions and thrust their red-hot rocking iron square into your bony neanderthal face, to smack you with 100 tons of burning coal and singe your flowing golden locks with oversized barrels of battery acid. And then FUEL THE BURN WITH THE FINEST GORMET SEA SALTS! If you don't believe me, then ask my hand. It combines the latest in hitting and punching technologies to force you into the kind of submission that is reserved for only mouthbreathing mama's boys and victims of polio. Plus, it's psychic:

Into the future, there will be a mighty breeze to sweep 'cross the land. And that breeze shall be known as Need New Body. Upon these five fingers I count 29 deadly dates, during which a fair number of you will witness a shock so surreal you'll believe it is the End Time (which is actually quite far off). Behold!:

05-18 Austin, TX - Emo's *
05-19 Houston, TX - Proletariat *
05-20 Denton, TX - Hailey's *
05-23 New Orleans, LA - Banks St. Warehouse *
05-25 Gainesville, FL - Common Grounds *
05-26 Tampa, FL - Orpheum *
05-28 Orlando, FL - Social *
05-29 Atlanta, GA - Drunken Unicorn *
05-30 Carrboro, NC - Go Lounge Room Four *
05-31 Washington, DC - Warehouse Next Door *
06-02 Philadelphia, PA - First Unitarian Church *
06-03 New York, NY - Knitting Factory *
06-04 Brooklyn, NY - North Six *
06-05 Providence, RI - The Green Room *
06-06 Cambridge, MA - TT The Bear's *
06-07 Montreal, Quebec - El Salon *
06-08 Toronto, Ontario - Rivoli *
06-09 Detroit, MI - Detroit Art Space *
06-10 Chicago, IL - The Bottom Lounge *
06-11 St. Louis, MO - Rocket Bar *
06-12 Columbia, MO - MOJO's *
06-13 Lawrence, KS - Jackpot *
06-14 Denver, CO - Larimer Lounge *
06-15 Salt Lake City, UT - Kilby Court $
06-17 Seattle, WA - Neumo's Crystal Ball Reading Room $
06-18 Vancouver, British Columbia - The Brickyard $
06-19 Portland, OR - Disjecta $
06-22 San Francisco, CA - Bottom of the Hill $
06-23 Los Angeles, CA - Knitting Factory $
* with Hella and Make Believe
$ with Hella
Here, at the table of merchandising, there will be crazy custom clothes and three-inch CDs in artful holders available for easy purchase. In seance with Need New Body's publicist Celeste, I have been told that this clothing shall "visually parallel their music," making me imagine t-shirts cut up and resewn and sweatshirts with lots of elastic rings around the stomach area. But I would only be imagining. Oh, I could reveal what they actually look like if I really wanted to, but I just don't feel like it.

In other Need New Body news, I see these dates being filmed and recorded before a live audience for an upcoming DVD and live record. I also see Icy Demons, the side project of Need New Body drummer Chris Powell and HiM's Griffin Rodriguez, on my desk. It it titled Fight Back!, and bears the symbol of Cloud Recordings.