Pitchfork

Remember last week when we reported that Radiohead were hanging out in the studio listening to dub records and cleaning up blue rat shit? Like you, we were pretty sure it was the craziest Radiohead-related story we'd run for at least a month, three weeks minimum. Well, so much for that thought.

The Canadian music website ChartAttack.com has reported that two of the band's members, Phil Selway and Johnny Greenwood, along with Pulp frontman Jarvis Cocker, have gone and gotten themselves in legal trouble over... Harry Potter. For the first time since Kid A, these guys have really outdone themselves.

We're not even sure where to start, but we'll try our best. In the fourth Harry Potter novel, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, the now-pubescent Harry, Ron, and Hermione attend a school dance. Since DJs are a purely Muggle phenomenon, the music at the dance is supplied by a band called the Weird Sisters. Well, as you probably know, Goblet of Fire is now being made into a movie. The film's creators thought it would be fun if they got some real-life rock stars to play the Weird Sisters, so tapped Cocker, Selway, and Greenwood for the roles. Coldplay must have been busy... or just not weird enough.

Here's where it gets ugly: There happens to be a real-life band called the Wyrd Sisters. They're from Winnipeg, they've been nominated for a Juno (Canadian for "Grammy"), and they're steaming mad over having their name messed with. ChartAttack reports that the fifteen-year-old group was unaware of their fictional alter-egos until this past June, when Warner Brothers offered Wyrd Sisters co-founder Kim Baryluk $5,000 to share the band's name. The Sisters declined, and Warner shot back with a $50,000 offer, which they turned down as well. So adamant was the band about not sharing their name that they've now pressed charges against Warner Entertainment Canada, Warner Brothers Records, Cocker, Selway, and Greenwood.

However, nobody seems to care that all of these people stole the name from author Terry Pratchett, who ripped off Shakespeare. Or that J. K. Rowling ganked the name "Harry Potter" from the 1986 B fantasy film Troll! Is there no justice in this world?

According to Baryluk, the cost of the band giving up the right to its name would be more than either of Warner's original offers. "Do you know what I've spent on the band in the past 10 years?" she told ChartAttack.com. "In the last 10 years I've spent more than a million dollars. Offering me $50,000 is more than an insult." On the Wyrd Sisters website, the band added, "Legally and morally, the name is ours. Should we say " Jeez, that's too bad!"... and walk away? Or should we practice what we preach and stand up to injustice, no matter how frightening the prospect is? What would Radiohead do?" We're printing up WWRD? bracelets right this very minute.

Radiohead's management has taken a rather cynical view of the lawsuit, telling Chart Attack: "The Wyrd Sisters are just trying to sue them for namesake. The whole story is just a couple of people in a band trying to get some money."

Though the unnamed manager's position can hardly be described as objective, his opinion gains credence when you take in to the account that the name the Wyrd (or Weird) Sisters isn't even going to be mentioned once in the upcoming film... plus it's spelled differently. Once the band refused to sell the name, the filmmakers decided to let the film's trio go nameless. So no cause of action, right?

Well, according to the Sisters' lawyer: "They've already created an association between the name and the band and that's all you need." The Sisters wrote on their website, "If we went somewhere new to play, after this movie is released, how many people would show up expecting the fellows from Radiohead?" Given that these Wyrd-os are a new-age folk trio, they'd be in for a shock.

If at the end of all this you're wondering why Cocker, Greenwood, and Selway are getting sued over a dispute that seems to be purely between the Wyrd Sisters and Warner Brothers, you're not alone. But the band has an answer for you: "We share the same mandate and philosophy that Radiohead does and we certainly do not mean them any harm. I think that if the Radiohead fellows really knew what was going on that they'd be as appalled and horrified as we are... It's about music, and how music is the voice of the people. Money always wins. Isn't that just plain wrong?"

Will L'Affaire Potter expose Radiohead for the greedy, unfeeling bastards they truly are at heart? We sure hope not, but this whole thing better get resolved before people start throwing Avada Kedavra curses at each other.

* Pitchfork News: Radiohead's Thom Yorke Considering Meeting With Tony Blair
* Pitchfork News: Jarvis Cocker to Score Next Harry Potter Film?
* The Wyrd Sisters: http://www.mts.net/~wyrds1/